Chapter 9
Tanner
“A re you sure you don’t want me to do something?” Hannah asked as she lazed on a lounger on the patio. “I feel a little guilty that you’re doing all of the work.”
She had a cocktail in her hand, and she looked more relaxed than she had earlier during our ride on the trails.
Hell, no, I didn’t want her to get up and start working.
She was a gorgeous sight right now in a pair of ass hugging jeans and a fall sweater crop top that molded to her curves, basking in the sun on my patio.
It had been a nice, sunny day, and ridiculously warm for this time of year in Montana.
I wasn’t complaining. Some years, we’d already had our first snow here by this time already, but this area of Montana was always full of surprises when it came to the weather.
We could have a blizzard one day and Chinook winds that thawed some of that snow the following day.
But for now, we could enjoy the outdoors.
I was ready to put the steaks on the grill, and I’d taken the easy way out and bought some side dishes from the deli at the grocery store.
There was nothing else that needed to be done for dinner, and watching Hannah was quickly becoming my favorite hobby.
It was probably going to turn my balls blue, but I was willing to endure that small discomfort just to see her here in this house.
It did feel a little strange that this was the place where she was always meant to live, but she was simply a visitor today.
Fuck! I’d made so many mistakes with Hannah, and I couldn’t help but feel every emotion that knowledge brought from a place I hadn’t realized existed inside me.
How had I ever thought that she’d simply sailed out of my life to hook up with another guy?
Maybe that had been the only explanation I’d been able to produce at the time, but it had been an idiotic theory.
When Hannah had left, it was like I’d shoved all of that pain away about the breakup.
Refused to talk about it.
Refused to acknowledge that she wasn’t ever coming back.
It was an odd defensive mechanism, but I’d compartmentalized everything that had happened in a place that I didn’t acknowledge.
Yeah, part of me had been angry and hurt in the beginning, but I’d locked that shit away in a hurry.
I’d put the whole situation on hold because I hadn’t truly been able to deal with the fact that she was really gone.
Now that I’d seen her again, I felt like the breakup had just happened a short time ago because I’d finally acknowledged exactly what had happened.
I felt everything I should have felt years ago because I knew the truth now.
Regret.
Remorse.
Heartache.
Disgust with myself because of the way I’d treated the most important person in my life.
I felt all of the shit that Hannah had probably dealt with years ago.
Maybe she’d moved on, but I definitely hadn’t.
She’d loved and trusted me back then, and I’d tossed those things away like they weren’t important or a priority for me.
Now, I wanted another chance to at least regain her trust.
I was determined to fix at least a little of the damage I’d done.
The trail ride today had been fun, one of the best times I’d had in recent history.
But I was able to sense that Hannah was wary, trying to figure out exactly what my motives were and whether or not I was going to suddenly morph into the man she’d known before she left me.
That wasn’t going to happen, but I didn’t blame her for thinking that was a possibility.
After a few hours together, she seemed a little more at ease with me.
“Nothing to do for dinner,” I finally assured her. “Everything else is ready.”
“You went to the deli?” she questioned, amused.
I grinned at her. “How did you know?”
“Because that’s what you always do when you’re forced to figure out the food situation. On your nights to cook, we ate a lot of deli food.”
“I’m not a good cook,” I grumbled. “But I can use a microwave.”
“Or go to your mom’s place for dinner?” she teased.
“I’m not the only Remington who does that occasionally,” I said defensively. “Okay, so Kaleb isn’t really guilty of that anymore, but Devon frequents my mother’s kitchen more than I do. I’ve learned to get creative with the microwave, the grill, and heating things up.”
“What happens in the winter on nasty days when you can’t grill?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I have an indoor grill.”
She laughed. “You’re pathetic.”
Since I knew she meant that in a teasing kind of way, I didn’t take offense.
She used to accuse me of that all the time when I didn’t cook, and then I’d remind her that I had other talents to make up for my lack of culinary skills.
I had to force myself not to make my usual response to her comment.
Instead, I put the steaks on the grill.
“The house looks amazing,” Hannah commented casually. “But I didn’t see any of your paintings on the wall.”
“I guess I’m like my mother in that way,” I answered her honestly. “I’d rather look at someone else’s work than my own.”
Painting was a hobby for me.
My mother was the famous artist in the family.
She was a renowned artist for her western landscapes, but she’d retired from doing commissions or work to sell a while ago.
I hadn’t inherited all of her talent, but I could turn out a reasonably good landscape.
“Your work is incredible, Tanner. It should be hanging in your home.”
“I see enough of my work in my mother and brothers’ homes,” I told her. “I don’t keep many of my paintings. I give most of them away. The only ones I kept were your favorites. You didn’t take them with you.”
Just like she hadn’t taken a single piece of jewelry I’d given her or her engagement ring.
I’d kept everything she’d left behind in places where I wouldn’t see them, but I had put them away for safekeeping.
Christ! Had I actually thought she’d be back one day?
I couldn’t explain those actions any more than I could explain why I’d never dealt with our breakup.
“I couldn’t take them,” she said quietly.
Hell, I guess I understood that. All of those things would be a reminder of the man that had treated her like she was nothing.
Her voice was so melancholy that I decided to change the subject. “I think you should take the bike I bought for Lauren to use. She’ll never use it again.”
“Absolutely not,” she said, sounding horrified. “That bike is top of the line. It’s a dream to ride, but I was a little nervous about breaking something.”
“Mountain bikes are made sturdy,” I protested. “They get damaged all the time. It’s all fixable. Or I’d just buy a new one.”
She snorted. “I’m not used to riding a bike that costs as much as my vehicle.”
“Take it and get used to it,” I said gruffly. “It’s not getting ridden here sitting in my garage. The frame size is perfect for you. Lauren is about your height. I’m not fitting this body onto that small bike. You said you needed a new bike.”
“Not a bike that expensive,” she shot back.
“Fuck! I’m not asking you to pay me for the bike, Hannah. I want you to have it.”
It absolutely shouldn’t, but the fact that she wouldn’t take a gift from me annoyed the hell out of me.
I flipped the steaks over, and reminded myself that Hannah Griffin was no longer mine to give gifts to anymore.
We weren’t a couple.
Right now, we weren’t…anything.
And that was my own damn fault.
“I’m sorry,” I said remorsefully as I flipped the steaks. “Sometimes it’s hard to break old habits.”
“Habits like bossing me around?” she said with an amused laugh.
I relaxed a little.
I’d promised that I’d do whatever it took to gain Hannah’s trust, and I’d meant it.
“As I recall,” I said drily. “You were never very good at taking orders.”
“I only did it when I wanted to or if those orders made sense to me,” she said lightly. “And I was a lot more compliant years ago than I am now. I’m used to being solo and making my own decisions.”
Okay, so maybe I was a little overprotective and overbearing about her safety when we’d lived in New York.
“Was I really that bossy?” I asked.
“Absolutely,” she told me. “But it was part of your charm. I knew you did it out of concern for me, so it never really bothered me. I just like to give you a hard time about it.”
“I’m used to bossing people around. It’s my job,” I informed her.
“I’m not your employee,” she retorted.
No she wasn’t, and she was even sassier than she’d been years ago.
My lips twitched as I wrapped the steaks to take them into the house.
Hannah had changed some, but I actually liked her new attitude.
The sweetness that was inherently Hannah was still there, but I sensed that this Hannah would have zero issues with telling me to go screw myself if I really pissed her off.
“I’m assuming you still like medium rare,” I said as I opened the slider.
“Yes,” she confirmed as she got up and followed me into the house. “I’ll heat up the beans. The steak smells amazing.”
She opened the refrigerator and pulled out the beans and potato salad.
“How did you know that I got beans?”
She shot me a knowing look, but didn’t comment.
Hell, I guess I was still pretty predictable.
I watched her as she warmed up the beans and pulled the potato salad out of the fridge.
Hannah was an amazing cook, so she looked at home in my kitchen.
She probably should since she’d planned out every square foot of it herself.
I tried hard not to notice how beautiful she looked today. Every time she reached for something, the material of that fitted top strained against her perfectly formed breasts and exposed just a strip of her soft skin at her abdomen.
Her hair was in a ponytail because she’d been biking on the trails, but whisps of hair had escaped from that confinement and were now curving around her beautiful face.
I highly doubted that Hannah knew what she was wearing was provocative to me. It was appropriate for our bike ride, and truthfully, anything she wore made my cock hard.
It’s probably hard because I know exactly what’s beneath that clothing.
Hannah and I had always had the most explosive sexual chemistry I’d ever experienced, and it was natural to think about that once in a while, right?
Pissed at myself, I tore my eyes away from her and put the steaks on plates.
Hannah added the potato salad and beans.
By the time we sat down to eat, I’d pulled my shit together.
A little.
I was going to have to separate the relationship I’d had with Hannah before and focus on who she was now.
She wasn’t mine.
I’d treated her badly when she was mine.
And my mission was to be her friend and try to show her that I wasn’t the same asshole who had treated her like shit before she’d left.
The truth was, Hannah had been my best friend.
My biggest supporter.
She had bent over backwards to help me reach my goals, and she’d encouraged me when I had doubts.
I’d probably never given her as much of myself as she’d given me. Now that I knew that she’d actually left me because of my behavior and not some other guy, I wanted everyone to know that the breakup had never been Hannah’s fault.
It had nearly killed me when she’d told me that I’d hurt her. Her sobs of pain had wrecked me, and at that moment, I would have done anything to be able to go back in time and fix it.
I needed to keep my dick in check, and my carnal instincts to myself.
This was about Hannah now, and what she needed.
“Your grilling skills are outstanding,” she said as she started to eat.
I picked up my utensils as I realized I hadn’t even started to eat.
“Thanks,” I said as I started to consume my steak.
One thing I realized was that I couldn’t be someone I wasn’t to gain Hannah’s trust. I was going to have to be the man I was now, and hope that she could trust me.
I probably still got distracted with work occasionally.
I was probably still bossy sometimes.
But one thing I’d always do was listen to her.
“So tell me about what you want to do for a career now that you’re not in your partnership in Seattle anymore,” I asked, genuinely interested in her plans.
She smiled. “Do you really want to hear all of that? I have a pretty ambitious dream that might never be attainable for me, so it’s probably not worth talking about.”
I actually wanted to know everything about her life, especially her dreams.
“I’d like to hear about all of it, but you can start wherever you want.”