Chapter 47
Caroline
Once I realized what had happened, once the excitement from Harrison’s office wore off, an aching feeling materialized in the pit of my stomach. I took my hands away from the keyboard and leaned back in my chair.
They were deleting emails.
They were forging documents.
They were asking me to lie to protect the investment firm.
The more I thought about it, the more painful my stomach felt. I spent the next few minutes re-reading what I had written on the press release, deleting sentences and rephrasing things. I pulled up Alice’s outline and leaned heavily on that. Eventually, I had something that would work.
But there was no getting around it. What I was doing was wrong.
And I didn’t like how that made me feel.
Eventually, Harrison and Rafael left his office and strode across the trading floor, speaking quietly to each other. When they neared the elevators, Harrison suddenly stopped and turned toward my office.
“Hey,” he said, sticking his head inside. “Where are we at with the press release? We’re kind of in a time crunch.”
“Um, yeah, sorry,” I said. “Just struggling with the wording. I’ll have it done shortly.”
“You’re the best.” He flashed me a smile, then left.
Rafael lingered a moment longer, then stepped all the way into my office. “Hey. I know what’s holding you up.”
Relief flooded into me. Thank goodness I wasn’t the only one who was concerned about how we were handling this!
“I didn’t mean to say it,” he said, lowering his voice. “It just sort of slipped out in the moment.”
Oh my God. He was talking about the I love you thing. He thought that’s what was bothering me?
The ache in my stomach returned.
“No, it’s not that,” I insisted. “Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s just… that’s a big thing to say. And I don’t want to be flippant about it. And no matter what you say, it’s obviously bothering you.”
“Seriously, we’re good, Rafa,” I replied. “I’m stressing out over the gold mine thing. It’s the first real press release I’ve had to write. One with actual stakes.”
“Ah. Okay.” He forced a smile, then followed Harrison. Thankfully.
But I could tell he was still insecure about the whole thing. And I couldn’t blame him. If the roles were reversed, and I had dropped the L-bomb on someone by accident, and then they didn’t say it back…
Ugh, I didn’t have time to deal with that right now. I hadn’t even had time to process how I felt about the whole thing.
I finished up the press release, then sent it to Harrison and Brian for review. Then I gathered my things, told the administrative assistant I wasn’t feeling well, and left.
I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the subway, so I took a taxi back to my apartment. There were dirty dishes in the sink, a full trash can, and a hamper of laundry that needed to be handled before I ran out of clean underwear. I hadn’t been spending much time here lately.
Those were all minor problems, though. What was I supposed to do about the scandal?
Normally, if I had an editorial conundrum, I would ask Eddie for advice.
But of course I couldn’t talk to him about this.
I considered calling my parents, then quickly dismissed the idea.
Dad was a mechanic, and the most high-brow thing my mom read were the tabloids at the grocery store check-out line.
Honestly, my main instinct was to call Rafael and tell him that I had a problem with the entire thing. But he was with Harrison right now. And, more importantly, he was loyal to the billionaire in a way he would never be with me. He would take Harrison’s side.
After scrolling through my phone contacts, there was one name that stuck out. Someone who I hoped would understand my perspective.
Lucien answered the call on the second ring. “Caroline.”
“Are you still in the city?”
“Indeed I am.”
“I have a problem and need someone’s opinion. If I send you my address, can you come over to my place?”
I could hear the smile in his voice as he said, “I will tell my driver to run every red light.”
Ten minutes later, I was buzzing him into the building. “Did you really run every light to get here? I expected it to take you half an hour, especially with traffic.”
He cupped my cheek. “Your voice. I could tell something was wrong.”
I hugged him, then said, “Sorry my apartment is so small.”
Lucien took a look around. “I love it. The space feels like you.”
“I hope you’re not referring to the mess in the kitchen.” I led him to the couch and sat down.
“I was politely ignoring the dishes in the sink.” He patted my thigh in a comforting way. Not sexual. “Now. Tell me what is wrong.”
“Well… it’s a complicated situation,” I explained. “It’s a problem involving the firm. Blackstone and Moreau. Which, you know, you’re part-owner of.”
“Is that why my name is on the building?” he asked with a small smile. “But yes. I see.”
“Forgive me for being vague…” I searched around for the right words, then it all came out in a rush.
“There’s a conflict at work that is requiring me to go against my morals.
And that’s not even bringing up my personal relationship with Harrison, which obviously complicates things.
Ugh, I never should have gotten involved.
And I shouldn’t have taken the PR job. I’ve made so many stupid mistakes, and now I’m in the middle of this mess, and I wish I could give you more details rather than speaking so vaguely… ”
“Caroline, Caroline, Caroline.” Lucien put a reassuring hand on my back. “You do not need to give details, because the answer is simple.”
I steeled myself for his answer. He was going to tell me to do my job at the firm even if it conflicted with my morals. Because, of course, he was one of the founding partners.
“There are a lot of things in this life that do not matter,” he said gently. “Money. Power. A career.”
“Those are all things that matter a great deal,” I said with a confused laugh.
Lucien shook his head. “No. I must disagree with you. Those are all superficial. They are things that can change. But this?” He tapped his chest, then touched my heart.
“What is in here is what truly matters. In your heart. You should only allow your heart, your core, to change for the better. You should never allow your values, your morals, to be changed or twisted by anyone else. Because if you do that, you lose who you are. You become a different person.”
“I understand that,” I admitted. “But if I tell Harrison that I can’t lie for him…”
“If Harrison cares about you,” Lucien insisted, “then he will understand. And he will not want you to change. You care about him, and he cares about you, yes? Then why would he choose to care about someone, only to force them to change who they are?”
The ache in my stomach faded away. It was replaced with a new resolve.
“You are a special person, Caroline Fairfax,” Lucien added, caressing my cheek. “It would be a great crime to take away what makes you so special.”
I sat up a little straighter. “Thank you, Lucien. That’s exactly what I needed to hear.”
“I am famously wise beyond my years,” he said with a little flourish. “And exceedingly humble!”
I laughed in spite of myself. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this side of you.”
“I am in a good mood, because someone has come to me for help, rather than coming to me with difficult problems,” he said.
A knock made us both whip our heads toward the door.
“Now my mood is soured to discover you asked someone else for advice.”
“I didn’t,” I said, rising from the couch. I was afraid of who it might be, but relaxed when I saw Rafael’s face through the peep-hole.
“Why is Lucien Moreau’s car downstairs?” he said when I opened the door.
“How’d you get upstairs without me buzzing you in?” I asked.
“I followed someone in. When you’re wearing a three-piece suit, everyone thinks you belong.” He looked past me into the apartment. “Ah. That’s why his car is downstairs. Am I interrupting something?”
I stepped aside to let him inside. “I needed some advice about something, so I called Lucien.”
“My opinion is sought after on several continents,” Lucien said from the couch.
Rafael’s face hardened, and he turned to me. “It hurts that you immediately ran to him, but I guess I understand. That’s why I’m here, Caroline. To talk about what I said at the office.”
“Oh, Rafa, no,” I said. “I didn’t ask Lucien for advice about that.”
But the tall, muscular man charged forward with what he had prepared to say. “I didn’t mean to say it in the moment. It just sort of slipped out. But once I said it, I realized I meant it. That word came from a place of truth. I’ve been falling in love with you for a long time, Caroline.”
I opened my mouth to stop him, to tell him this had nothing to do with him, but he just kept going.
“I can never compete with Harrison. Or him.” He gestured at the man on the couch. “I can’t give you expensive jewelry, or designer clothes, or private jet flights around the world to celebrity weddings. But I can give you my heart.” He placed his hand on his chest. “All of it.”
This was all a distraction, something I wasn’t ready to deal with, but once he’d said the words? They soothed me in a way I didn’t expect. I hugged him, holding him tightly for three long seconds, then gave him a soft kiss.
“I am really happy to hear that. Truly,” I said, smiling up at him. “But I was serious when I said this isn’t about you.”
He glanced at Lucien, then looked embarrassed. “Oh.”
“An impressive outpouring of emotion,” Lucien said, rising from the couch. “I must leave. Caroline, call me if you would like to have dinner and discuss this issue some more. I will make time for you.”
He kissed me on both cheeks, then surprised me by giving Rafael a hug.
When he was gone, Rafael gave me a confused look. “What’s going on?”
“It’s about work,” I admitted. “About the gold mine scandal.”