15. Tanya
15
TANYA
Waking up with Chandler’s warm body over mine and his whispered words in my ear is not a bad way to wake up. I don’t register what he says at first, I just know I heard his voice in my dream. I turn my head to face him and stretch my arms up over my head.
“Good morning,”
He smiles at me, and as his eyes trace down my face and to the rest of my body, it occurs to me that I can feel the cool air on my chest. I look down and see that I am unknowingly putting on a show for him.
“Geez!”
I yank the blanket up and cover myself, and Chandler bursts into laughter.
“Sweetheart, I’ve seen every part of your body. Why are you embarrassed?”
I shove him back so I can sit up, the blanket tucked tightly under my arms.
“I’m not embarrassed you are seeing me; I just didn’t realize the blanket was down. I pretty much shoved them in your face. It’s a bit early for that.”
He shakes his head at me still chuckling before leaning in and kissing me lightly on the lips.
“Happy birthday.”
It’s an odd feeling. Just a short time ago Ms. Poppy was saying this same thing to me, and at the time I had no interest in celebrating when I wasn’t sure when my actual birthday was. Now here I am, in bed with the father of my child on a beautiful island about to get ready to spend my actual birthday with him.
“Come on; I have a full day planned for us.”
He kisses me again and gets up from the bed, tossing me one of the robes that the villa provides. I’m curious about what he could have planned and a little excited to see what we are going to do today.
I get out of bed and slip on the robe. “What do I need to wear for the day?”
“Something that you can wear a bathing suit under.”
So we will be in the water at some point.
I have no idea what to expect; I don’t know what kind of things we can do here besides going to the beach.
It’s the first time I’ve been excited to celebrate my birthday in years.
I quickly search through my luggage to find something to wear. I find my dark green bikini and a matching sundress to wear over it before going to take a quick shower. Luckily, my hair won’t need much attention, and since we will be in the water at some point today, I only apply some mascara and am ready in less than twenty minutes.
Chandler is sitting on the bed when I come out of the bathroom. He’s dressed in a pair of swim trunks and a short sleeve button up shirt. His eyes trace over the length of my body and his eyes darken.
“Beautiful as ever. You ready to go?”
“Yep, what are we doing first?”
He stands from the bed and walks over to stand in front of me.
“First, we are getting breakfast. We need to keep our energy up for the rest of the day.”
Chandler was not kidding when he said he had planned a full day for us. We called Sophia while we were at breakfast, and it made me feel better about leaving her with Kayla. She told us all about what they’ve already done and informed me that she had a surprise for me when we got home.
The rest of the day was amazing. We saw so many beautiful things. The different color fish and reef while we were snorkeling; the friendly local people as we walked around the city. It was a once in a life time experience, and I loved every moment of it. My cheeks were hurting from smiling so much. It’s a beautiful place, surrounded by so much life and the blue water as a captivating background.
The only issue I’ve had is the constant waves of nausea that I’ve been having along with dizzy spells. I haven’t said anything to Chandler about feeling ill. I don’t want to worry him or ruin this perfect day.
He’s disappeared somewhere after telling me to wait for him. Moving seems to help ease the nausea, so I’m walking around and window shopping while I wait for him. A store that kind of looks like a drug store catches my attention, and I enter it to see if I can find something to help.
I grab a ginger ale, some crackers, and I search for something that I can take to make the constant sick feel fade. I turn down one of the aisles and freeze. As soon as I see the pregnancy tests, it hits me what is going on with me. I know just by seeing them.
I’m pregnant.
We’ve been sleeping together for over a month now. It could have happened at any time.
I quickly walk over and grab two different brands off the self and rush to the checkout to buy everything before Chandler comes back. I have no idea how I’m going to handle this. Fortunately, I’m the only person at the counter, and I’m able to get out quickly, and just as I’m stepping out of the store, I see Chandler looking around for me.
“Hey, over here.”
He turns at my voice, and when he smiles at me, I try to smile back but my face feels off.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just needed a drink.”
He studies me for a moment, and I make sure to keep my face neutral so he doesn’t ask any more questions. I don’t want to tell him until I am absolutely sure that I’m carrying another one of his children.
Sophia is going to be so happy to be a big sister.
The last of the plans that Chandler has for the day include going to a nice dinner before going back home to have a nice night swim. I’m distracted all throughout dinner. The tests are burning a hole in my bag, and all I want to do is go back to the villa and take them.
When we finally get back to the villa, Chandler is all ready to go swimming, and I have to tell him I need a moment so I can sneak off to the bathroom and take the tests. I can’t wait until after we are done with our swim. I need to know now.
I grab my purse and rush into the bathroom while Chandler is distracted with a phone call. I don’t remember doing this the first time, with Sophia. When I found out about her, it was in the hospital, from the staff. I had already been farther along than I probably am now.
I read each of the boxes slowly and carefully before taking each test out and laying them on the counter. My hands are shaking so bad that I have to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. Once the shaking stops, I pick up one of the tests and sit on the toilet to take them.
Once done, I set them back on the counter and set a timer on my phone to wait. I pace back and forth in front of the sink and wait. Luckily, they both take the same amount of time, so once the alarm goes off, I can look at them both.
I watch the timer tick down, and it feels way longer than two minutes. My mind is spinning with all kinds of different scenarios as I wait.
I don’t think either Chandler or I are ready to have another child. He is still getting used to being a father to Sophia; I have no idea how he would be able to handle two. I don’t even know if I want to marry him, let alone have a second baby with him.
I’m still getting used to his world and what I’ve experienced so far hasn’t made a good impression on me. How can I rise two children in the midst of this? How can I make sure that Chandler is the best choice for their father? Even after our conversation about his working, he still works a lot. I don’t want to have to constantly console my children whenever their dad lets them down. I don’t want to have to make excuses for him every time he doesn’t show up.
The timer on my phone starts ringing, letting me know that time’s up. I can’t move my feet toward the sink. I’m too scared to see what they say, so I just stare at them from where I’m standing.
I take a tentative step closer to the sink, my heart pounding away in my chest. Every step I take feels like there are lead weights strapped to my feet.
What am I going to do?
I step up to the counter and pick up one of the tests and look at it. The word pregnant flashes at me. I set it down and pick up the other stick. A dark red plus sign stares up at me.
I’m definitely pregnant.
I put the second stick down and stare at myself in the mirror.
Happy birthday to me , I guess.
Chandler knocks on the door, and it makes me jump.
“Is everything okay, Tanya?”
Not really.
“Yes, everything is fine. I’m almost done.”
I know I need to tell him, but I don’t know how to bring it up; I have no idea how he is going to react. In all this time we’ve been getting to know each other, whether he wanted kids or not never came up; for all I know, he never wanted kids and just accepted the fact that I already had Soph.
I throw the sticks in the trash, making sure they are covered up, then wash my hands. When I exit the bathroom, Chandler is nowhere to be seen. I walk through the villa to try and find him, and just as I’m starting to worry, I see flickering lights coming from outside.
Stepping through the sliding glass door, I see candles spread out around the porch, their flames the only lights to see by. Chandler is standing by the edge of the water that’s not too far away with his back to me. I kick off my sandals and walk up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist, running my hand over the tattoo of me on his shoulder before resting my head against his back.
“Thank you for today. I had such a great time.”
His warm hands slide along my arm, and even though I’m panicking inside, his touch brings me some comfort.
“My pleasure; we still have the whole week here, but I haven’t planned anything else. I figured we could take it day by day and do whatever you want while we’re here.”
We are quiet for a while, just standing on the beach, holding each other. He shifts so that he is facing me, his expression full of mischief.
“Want to go skinny dipping?”
A smile tugs at the corner of my lips.
Why the hell not? When in Rome, right?
“You don’t think anyone will see us?”
He looks around the area before shaking his head no.
“Nah, we are complete secluded out here, plus we won’t go out too far, so the villa will cover us.”
I look around the area as well before taking a step back from him and lifting my sundress over my head in one move.
His face lights up with his smile and his eyes are filled with desire and excitement. We don’t say anything as we watch each other undress. Once there isn’t any clothing left, he holds his hand out to me and leads me into the water until it is up to his hips and my navel.
He pulls me close, so we are standing front to front and lowers his head to kiss me sweetly.
“You are so beautiful. Happy birthday, baby.”
His words are sweet and everything about today has been so perfect. I don’t want to ruin anything by telling him about the baby and him not having a good reaction. Or causing us to get into an argument, but I know I need to tell him.
He missed out on everything with our first, so he deserves to know about this one right away.
His hands start to roam all over my body, smoothing down my ribs, sliding behind me to squeeze my butt, and one going into my hair and gripping it at the base of my neck, tugging it a little and making me moan. He watches me as he explores my body, and I love having his eyes on me.
I place my hands on the center of his chest and push him back some.
“I have to tell you something.”