22. Tanya
22
TANYA
Christmas came and went quicker than I could pay attention. We spent it at the penthouse, and it was the most magical Christmas I have ever had. Waking up and watching my sweet baby girl open presents in front of the giant tree with the view of Central Park behind her, my hand resting on my stomach and the baby that was growing there, Chandler sitting on the floor with our daughter and handing her present after present. It was a memory I would hold onto when things get hard. To think that by this time next year, we will have another little one to join us. New Years was just as magical. We let Sophia stay up until the ball dropped, then, after she went to sleep, we stayed up early into the morning making love in our bed. I don’t know how, but it only ever gets better when we have sex. It’s like the closer we get emotionally, the more intense the sex is.
I rub my stomach as Chandler and I sit in the waiting room of the OB’s office. It’s time for another ultrasound to check on the baby. Chandler has come to every appointment since we talked on the roof.
After we had that talk, I made a promise to myself that I would put my all into this relationship. I can handle whatever life throws at me as long as I have Chandler by my side. The fear of not having him with me is greater than the fear I have over being in his world. The week I spent trying to figure things out had been torture. I thought it was best if I kept my distance from him during that time until I figured out what I wanted to do, but instead I just missed him.
It was like every inch of my body knew that I belonged with him. I had spent nine years without him, and by the end of that week, I knew that I didn’t want to spend any more time without him.
“Ms. Roberts?”
The nurse calling my name pulls me from my thoughts, and I look up to find Chandler already standing and holding his hand out to help me up. I smile at him and take his hand. He doesn’t let me go the whole way to the back until he has to for them to get my weight and vitals. The nurse gets all of my information and leaves us in a room to wait while she grabs the ultrasound machine.
“Last chance, you sure you don’t want to find out if you’re wrong or not?”
I smirk at Chandler, and he takes a page out of my book and rolls his eyes.
“I’m sure and I’m not wrong. We’re going to have a boy.”
I laugh, and he comes to my side as I lay on the table and lifts my shirt to rest under my breasts, sliding his finger under my bra for a split second, then lowering my maternity pants down. I give him a look, telling him that I know what he was doing, and he smiles innocently at me, all the while my body heats from his simple touch. This man can get me going with just a touch or a simple look, and he knows it.
His smile turns soft as he spreads his hand over as much of my stomach as he can and lays his lips against me to talk to our baby. Something he does often.
“Hey there, baby boy. How you doing in there? Momma keeping you comfy?”
I love to watch him talk to my stomach. I still say there is a possibility that he’s wrong about the gender of our child, but I secretly hope he’s right. I would love to have a little boy who looks just like him running around with Sophia.
Chandler kisses my stomach before standing and sitting in the chair that’s close to my head for partners to be close. The nurse comes back in just as he sits and smiles at us.
“Ready to see your baby?”
We both nod excitedly, even though we’ve seen him or her many times at this point.
“Okay, if we can see, are we wanting to know what we’re having?”
I always find it funny that they use “we” when talking about the baby.
“Nope, I already know, but we want to wait until the birth to confirm.”
The nurse laughs at Chandler’s confidence, squirts the cold gel onto my stomach, and starts moving the wand around and clicking away at the machine.
“Okay, well, I can already see what you’re having so if you change your minds, let me know; in the meantime, there is your baby’s sweet face.”
Chandler moves closer to my side and takes my hand in his as we stare at our baby. I love these appointments. Seeing the profile of our baby growing inside of me. It’s such a wonder to see.
I can’t take my eyes off of the black and white picture of the little life that Chandler and I created, and it makes me think of when I was pregnant with Sophia. How different this time is. I feel Chandler’s thumb rub the back of my hand, and I can’t keep the smile off my face.
“That’s our baby.” He whispers next to my ear, and I shiver at the feeling.
“That’s our baby.”
I turn to the nurse for my next question.
“Are we going to be able to take a sonogram picture home today? We have an anxious big sister at home who is collecting picture of the baby.”
“Oh, that’s so sweet. Of course, I’ll even give you two so you can keep one as well.”
We all laugh, and she finishes up the scan and hands me a towel to clean up my stomach. Chandler takes it from her and gently cleans me before fixing my clothes and helping me sit up.
“Alright, everything is all set. The doctor will be in to see you in just a moment to see if you have any questions.”
She smiles at us, then leaves the room with the machine. As soon as the door is shut, Chandler leans over and kisses me, taking my breath away.
“What has gotten into you?”
I’m out of breath when he pulls away.
“I’m just happy. I love ultrasound days.”
I laugh at his boyish excitement and pick up the pictures the nurse gave us.
“Can you believe we are already halfway there? In just a few short months we are going to have a newborn.”
We stare at the sonogram in wonder, Chandler’s hand in its usual spot on my stomach until the doctor comes in.
“Hello, how is everything with mom and baby?”
We go over everything with the doctor, and she tells us that everything looks great with the baby and his or her growth. Chandler asks question after question about what I should be doing and not doing, just like he does every appointment, and I love that he is so invested. She answers all of his questions and never seems to be frustrated with him, for which I’m grateful.
She gives baby and me a clean bill of health and sends us on our way. By the time we make it home, it’s time to pick Sophia up from school, so Chandler parks the car at home, and we walk to the school the same way that Sophia and I have been since she started school. I love the fact that Chandler understands our love for Willow Creek. Not once has he seemed to hate it here or want to go back to the city. He understands that Sophia needs to stay here for school, with the friends and teachers that she has grown up with. He has become very invested in the community here and is even involved in the PTA.
It’s a great source of amusement for me to watch him being fawned over by all the mothers. His involvement in Sophia’s school is where I got the idea for my new project.
A week after I told Chandler I got my memories back, he tried to convince me that I didn’t have to keep working at the café. Now that I remembered my life before the accident, I know that I held a bachelor’s degree in psychology. I hadn’t been working at the time of the accident, and Chandler wanted me to go back to that. He wanted to take care of us and didn’t want me to have to worry about that stuff. I told him that I wanted to work and that I would stay at the café but only work part-time during the school year and take time off in the summers so that I could be home with Sophia and the baby.
I want to do more, though. I love how our life is, and I love that I have the choice to stay home with the kids. It will make things easier during the summers when Sophia doesn’t have school, but I also don’t want to just lay around the house all day. There wouldn’t even be anything for me to clean when we stayed at the penthouse; Chandler had Lisa and a cleaning crew that came once a week.
While we wait for the school bell to ring to release the kids for the day, I decide that now is the best time to talk to Chandler about my idea.
“I want to run an idea by you.”
He turns to face me and gives me his undivided attention. Having his eyes on me so fully stills makes me flustered, and I have to shake myself to focus again. I don’t miss the smirk on his lips when I do so. I roll my eyes at him and clear my throat.
“I was thinking that since I won’t be working during the summers that I could get into charity work.”
I watch his face closely as I explain what I want to do with my time and the newfound money I’ll have when we get married next autumn.
“Sophia will want to have sleepovers and playdates, and I figured that during the time she’s over at someone else’s house, when the baby is a little older, I could start a charity that focuses on education.”
A smile starts to pull at his lips, and I feel emboldened by his reaction.
“I want us to contribute to education for kids, and I want to start a scholarship and work with other foundations. I think it would be a good use of our money and my time, don’t you?”
His smile widens into a full one, his perfectly white, straight teeth showing, and I can hear a few sighs from the mothers around us. He hooks his fingers into my belt loops and pulls me as close as he can with my belly in the way.
“I think you are amazing and would do amazingly handling something like that. Mom would be able to help you get the numbers if there are any you need. She has connections in education.”
I sigh in relief, and he tilts his head in confusion.
“Did you think I wouldn’t agree with you?”
I shrug. “I wasn’t sure if you would let me. You seem pretty set on me not working at all.”
His face softens with understanding.
“Baby, I’m set on your not working if you don’t want to. I want to make sure you know that if you want to stay home with the babies, we can do that. I want you to do whatever you want; do whatever makes you happy. If you want me to quit my company and let you run it, I would in a heartbeat.”
I laugh at his ridiculous statement, but he continues before I can say anything.
“I would never try and control what you do with your life, as long as you’re happy, then I’m happy. We have more than enough money for you to do whatever you want. It’s important to me that you know that.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and smile up at him.
“I know. I love you for that, but I also want you to be happy and do what you want.”
“You and our babies are all I want. I’m happier now than I have ever been in my entire life. The only thing I want from you is for you to be happy, healthy, and safe. Same goes for our kids. And you know, maybe a few more kids.”
A startled laugh leaves me.
“A few more kids? Geez, Chandler Bishop, how about having the one I’m currently carrying in my womb and then we can talk?”
He chuckles and leans down to kiss my forehead.
“I can deal with that.”
The school bell rings, and we both turn to wait for our girl to come running to us. She comes out five minutes later, waving goodbye to her friends before running full speed to us and jumping into her Daddy’s arms.
“Hi, Daddy! Hi, Mommy!”
Chandler leans down so that I can kiss her cheek.
“Hi, baby. How was school?”
We head off toward home, and Chandler puts her down so she can skip between us, holding each of our hands, and tell us about her day. It’s my favorite time of day. The three of us, soon to be four, walking home from her school, and she excitedly telling us about what happened at school.
I hope she never grows out of this phase.
We go through our nightly routine. I cook while Chandler sits at the kitchen table with Sophia and helps her with her homework, we eat dinner together, then I get Sophia ready for bed while Chandler does the dishes, and finally we have family time until it’s time for Sophia to go to sleep.
Most nights, we settle in and watch a movie or two, but sometimes we play a board game. Tonight, Sophia has decided she wants to watch a movie, and as she is getting it all set up, I pull the sonogram picture out of my purse. I wait until Chandler is done with the dishes, and when he sits next to me, I call her over to us.
“Soph, I have something for you.”
She finishes getting the movie loaded and then comes over and jumps on the couch, settling in between us.
“What is it?”
I hand her the picture, and she squeals.
“A new one?!”
She brings the picture close to her face and studies it. We had to point out what she was looking at for the first few pictures, but now she knows what to look for.
“Can’t you have him already? I don’t want to wait anymore.”
Chandler laughs, and I try not to, so she doesn’t think we are laughing at her.
“Not yet, sweetheart. He or she has some more cooking to do before it’s safe for them to be here.”
She heaves a heavy sigh. “Fine.”
I snort as she sets the picture carefully on her lap and starts the movie. It’s a movie that we’ve seen countless times. I watch Sophia and Chandler through the whole film and just enjoy watching them laugh at whatever is on the screen.
For the rest of Sophia’s school year, I work on coming up with a business plan for the charity work I want to do. I get together with Chandler’s mom, and she helps me come up with a list of people who are big supporters of education. She’s a big help throughout the entire process, and I learn a lot from her about what it takes to start, run, and keep going a charity.
I don’t think I would have been able to do it if it wasn’t for her help. We developed a bond during the process, and I’ve never felt closer to her. Before the accident, I wasn’t even sure if she liked me, and now we talk on the phone almost daily.
If you would have told me a year ago this is where my life would end up, I would think you were crazy, but here we are. I’m engaged to the love of my life. We have a beautiful daughter with another baby on the way, and I’m starting a charity that will hopefully turn into a successful one to help kids in all walks of life with their education.
I don’t know what I did in another life to get where I am, but I wouldn’t change anything about it. Even the accident and the nine years where I didn’t remember Chandler. To me, it made us stronger and got us to where we are now.
I was worried about being in this world. About raising children in this world, but I’m so glad that I took that leap of faith with Chandler. I’m so glad that I didn’t let all of this go because of my fear. It took a little while, but eventually, I came to forgive Chandler; I hadn’t even realized that I needed to until the moment I did. I didn’t realize how important it was for us both for me to forgive him and for him to forgive me.
It still makes me nervous to have to deal with the paparazzi and having to worry about them around my children, but I know that in the long run, everything will work out. Chandler will never let anything bad happen to us, and now that I trust that, it’s easier to deal with everything.
We’ve decided to have our wedding on the one-year anniversary of when Chandler found us. It felt right to us both to become one on the day that everything came together. It was a nice way to bring that chapter of our lives to an end and start the next one. It was going to be a small wedding, just his parents and some close friends of his. Kayla will be there as my maid of honor, and if they pull their heads out of their asses, Josh will be there as Chandler’s best man.
We are going to have it in Willow Creek in the middle of town, and Chandler is already setting up security so that we don’t have to worry about anyone showing up who isn’t supposed to. We have been trying to come up with plans on how to handle the press, and Jillian has been a godsend with that. She is going to handle everything to do with the press for us with the wedding and the baby’s birth.
“Hey, you.”
I turn away from my computer and find Chandler leaning against the doorframe of our room at the cabin. I smile at him from my spot in the middle of the bed and hold my hand out for him to join me. He slides into the bed behind me and looks around me at the computer showing my business plan for the charity.
“You’ve been busy. This looks great.”
“Thank you.”
He reads what I have on the screen, his arm wrapped around my body so his hand can rest on our baby. I feel a kick, and when his whole body jerks, I know he felt it too.
“Was that a kick?!”
He jumps up and gently pushes me to lie back on the bed, kneeling over me, with one hand holding himself up on the bed and the other on my belly. He leans down so his mouth is on my stomach too, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Was that you, little man? Do it again for Daddy. Kick so I can feel you.”
His whole body freezes so he can focus on my stomach, and when another kick comes right under his hand, his face lights up as he looks up at me with tears in his eyes.
“God, I love you.”
I laugh as tears fill my eyes and bring his face to mine for a kiss.
“I love you too, so much.”
It’s a peaceful moment between us. We’ve been having more and more of them lately, and there’s a piece of me that still worries it’s not going to last. I have this feeling deep in my gut that everything is going to change.