24. Tanya
24
TANYA
The first thing I hear when I wake up is a deep voice speaking softly across the room. I blink my eyes until I can focus them and then turn my head toward the window where my soon-to-be husband is holding our sweet baby boy in the early morning light.
The look on Chandler’s face when the nurse set him on my chest and confirmed that we had a healthy baby boy will forever be ingrained in my head. We both burst into watery laughter as we cried with joy over our son.
I keep quiet so I can listen to what Chandler is saying to him.
“You are so loved, baby boy. You have an amazing mommy and the best big sister ever.”
I watch as he brushes the back of his finger down our son’s sweet little chubby face.
“I’m your daddy, and I love you so much already. I promise that I am going to be there for you and your mommy and your sister, always. I’m going to protect you from all the bad and give you the best life I can.”
The baby starts to fuss, and I watch as Chandler starts bouncing him and shushing him.
“Is he okay?”
Chandler looks up and sees that I’m awake. He smiles at me and slowly walks over to me and places the baby in my arms.
“He’s fine. I think he’s just getting hungry.”
I snuggle him close to my chest and bring him to my breasts, helping him latch on so he can eat. I stare at his sweet little face for a moment while he eats. I still can’t believe that he’s here. He has a head of light blonde hair like his daddy’s. He has my nose and face shape.
“I can’t wait to see what color his eyes are going to be.”
Right now they are that newborn baby blue, but I’m hoping that he’s going to have his dad’s blue eyes.
“He looks just like you.”
Chandler settles in the chair next to the bed and leans his arm next to my legs to rest his head in his propped hand, staring at us. I make sure the baby is settled, then reach over and cup Chandler’s chin.
“How are you doing, Dad?”
His eyes are soft, and he hasn’t stopped smiling all night.
“I’m perfect. How are you feeling?”
“I’m perfect.”
We smile goofily at each other, our son having his fill of milk.
“We have an anxious little girl outside waiting to meet her baby brother. Are you ready for her to come in now that you’ve gotten some rest?”
I’m itching to see Sophia and watch her meet the baby.
“Let’s let him finish eating and get him settled before we bring her in. I don’t want him to be crying when she first meets him.”
In perfect timing, he unlatches from me and starts squirming around, Chandler sits up and takes him from me to burp him.
“What do you want to name him? We never talked about names.”
We thought we had another month before he was going to be here, but that just goes to show that nothing in life goes as planned and you should prepare for anything.
We bounce names back and forth as Chandler burps the baby, and once we settle on one and get him swaddled and comfortable in my arms, he leaves the room to get Sophia. When they get back to the room Sophia looks so nervous.
“Hey, baby girl. Do you want to meet your brother?”
She nods excitedly, and Chandler helps her to carefully climb onto the bed next to me. I watch her face as she stares at his face. She gently reaches over and touches his nose with the tip of her finger.
“Do you want to hold him?”
She looks between us, and I can see the nerves she’s feeling.
“Can I?”
I nod and shift the baby so that I can place him in her arms and still support his head while she holds him.
They say that when you have a second child, your firstborn starts to look bigger, older, and in this moment, I can see what they mean. Sophia looks so much older holding her little brother.
“What’s his name?”
Chandler and I smile at each other as he leans over and moves the blanket away from the baby’s face.
“Sophia, this is your little brother, Benjamin Blake Bishop.”
She smiles up at Chandler, and seeing the three loves of my life huddled together makes my heart grow with so much love.
“Baby BB.”
I laugh at the nickname, and it startles Benjamin. He starts to squirm in Sophia’s arms and fuss, so Chandler takes him from her and now that both her and my arms are free, I pull her to me and hold her as we watch her daddy and baby brother.
I sit holding my little girl, watching my fiancé hold our little boy, and I don’t think it’s possible for me to feel any happier.
I think over everything that has happened over the years, and it amazes me that this is where we’ve ended up. Chandler and I are going to get married in just a couple of months. We have two beautiful children and family and friends who love us.
“We should start letting everyone come and see him.”
Chandler makes a face, and Sophia giggles.
“Do we have to? I like it being just the four of us; as soon as we let my mother in, she’s going to take him from me and not let me hold him.”
Sophia and I burst into laughter, and Chandler just rolls his eyes at us.
“Fine, I’ll go get them. Just let me rock him back to sleep.”
He gets Benjamin to sleep and places him in the bassinet by the bed. Just within my reach if I need to get to him. He kisses all of us on the head and reluctantly leaves the room. Sophia giggles the whole time.
I turn her to face me.
“So, how are you feeling about all of this, big sissy?”
She smiles shyly at me and shrugs.
“Okay.”
“It’s hard to figure out what to do now that he’s here, huh?”
She nods and leans over to look at Benjamin sleeping.
“Is this all he does?”
I laugh and smooth her hair back from her face so I can see her.
“For now, yes. Babies sleep a lot when they are firstborn because they do a lot of growing. He’s just going to be eating, sleeping, and needing diaper changes for the first few months.”
She scrunches her nose up at the diaper changes.
“But eventually he is going to start playing with you. He’s going to laugh and squeal, and he’s going to watch everything you do because he is going to love his big sissy so much.”
She smiles widely at me and sits back in my lap.
“Will I be able to help you?”
“Of course. With whatever you want, but if you don’t want to do something, then you don’t have to.”
She nods and the door opens as Chandler leads his parents and Kayla into the room. They all greet me and Sophia and then crowd around the baby as Sophia stands on the chair next to the bed and holds her hands out toward him.
“This is Baby BB, my little brother.”
She says it so proudly that everyone starts talking to her about how great of a big sister she already is. Chandler comes and sits on the bed next to me and wraps his arm around me.
His mom comes overs to me first and hugs me tightly to her chest.
“How are you doing, sweetheart? Do you need anything?”
“I’m fine, just tired.”
She smooths my hair from my head, just like I do with Sophia all the time, and smiles at me.
“Is the baby okay? He’s not here too early, is he?”
Her concern is sweet and makes me love her even more.
“He’s completely healthy. The doctors have checked him out and given him a clean bill of health. They want to keep the both of us a couple of days just to be sure, but they said that we will most likely get to go home the day after tomorrow.”
She sighs with relief. “Good, now excuse me, I’m going to get my grandson.”
She turns and leaves us sitting on the bed by ourselves and goes and take Benjamin right out of her husband’s hands.
“I told you she was gonna take him from me.”
I laugh and pat his leg as he pouts over the fact that his own mother has taken his son from him.
“I think you better get used to the idea of him being stolen. We have a very protective big sister on our hands who’s going to fight you for him.”
We both look over at Sophia who is standing guard over her brother.
“She has a bedtime that I’m allowed to enforce.”
I love that he is acting so boyish over his baby boy.
“I also find that I’m not as upset over the thought of her stealing him from me. Look how freaking cute she is.”
She is pretty damn cute.
“You know we are going to have our hands full with those two, right?”
His smile widens even more.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
I pull his face down to mine and kiss him softly. When he pulls back, his eyes are watery, and it surprises me.
“Thank you.” His voice is also tight with tears.
“For what?”
“Giving me this life. Giving me two beautiful and healthy kids. I don’t know what I did to deserves this, but I’m never going to risk losing you again.”
He kisses me again and then wraps me in his arms as we turn and look at the people that came to see our new baby and show us all the love and support they have for us. I love that we have such people by our sides for this happy moment in our lives, hopefully one of many.
As we sit and watch our family fawn over both of our kids, I can’t help but think about the future. About all the moments we are going to have simply because Chandler chose to go to a small town hospital charity gala for children’s education and found me after nine years.
This man has given me a life that I never thought was possible growing up. I grew up with parents who were constantly fighting and became so toxic to those around them that I had to cut them off for my own sanity. Then I met Chandler, and my life has changed so much that I don’t even remember the girl from before him.
He somehow had the chance to make me fall for him two different times, and I stood no chance against it each time. We were made for each other, and if anything came out of the last nine years, it is proof of that.
Everyone stays for another hour, passing the baby around and interacting with Sophia. Chandler and I have become chopped liver, left to our own devices at the side of the room. Honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The birth of Benjamin is a new beginning for us. Everything is changing in our lives, and the fact that he decided to come today, in the middle of everything, just signifies that whatever is to come is going to be great.
I know that everything we’ve gone through has only made us stronger and has given us the tools to get through anything else that comes our way. We are in it together and nothing is going to get in between us.
Once everyone leaves, and it’s just our little family again, Sophia falls asleep in Chandler’s lap as I feed Benjamin again. It’s quiet now that everyone has left, so when the door creaks open, we both turn to look.
Josh is standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets, looking very out of place.
“Your mother called me and told me that the baby was here and gave me the room number. I hope it’s okay that I’m here.”
I look over to Chandler, not wanting to speak on his behalf. Josh is his best friend, and the two of them need to work this out. I watch Chandler’s face as he studies his best friend and lets out a breath.
“Come on in. Tanya has the baby.”
Josh nods and makes his way over to me; he keeps his hands in his pocket as he leans over to look at Benjamin’s face.
“Thank God, he looks like his mother.”
I snort and Chandler glares at the both of us.
“I’ll have you know our daughter looks just like me, and she’s beautiful. Are you saying she’s not?”
A smirk pulls at Josh’s lips.
“Nope, she is beautiful. I’m saying your looks are better suited for a girl.”
Chandler flicks Josh off, and I hold Benjamin out for Josh to take.
“Oh, no. I don’t hold babies. They’re fragile.”
“Pick up my kid, Josh.”
He stares at Chandler before breathing deeply through his nose and holding out his arms to me. I talk him through how to hold a baby, and when he stands up with Benjamin in his arms, I can’t help but laugh at how awkward he looks.
“Look at that, something the amazing Josh can’t do.”
“Leave him alone, he’s never held a baby before.”
Josh nods his head toward the bed, asking with his eyes if he can sit. I move over so he can sit, and he very gingerly sits on the edge of the bed, facing me. Chandler and I watch him stare at our baby, and when I look over to Chandler, he gives me a small smile. Sophia wakes up and sees Josh holding Benjamin.
“That’s my baby brother.”
Her voice is sleepy, and she rubs at her eyes as she looks Josh up and down, gauging if he’s worthy of holding her Baby BB. Chandler looks absolutely proud of her judging his best friend.
“Oh yeah? I thought he was a potato with arms.”
The look that she gives him makes us all burst into laughter, and she rolls her eyes. Her sassy little nine-year-old attitude coming out.
“He’s obviously a baby.”
Chandler snickers and pats her back.
“Daddy, I have to go potty.”
“Alright then, let’s go to the bathroom.”
They stand and Chandler kisses me on the head, then Benjamin before heading out of the room holding Sophia’s hand; I watch them go until I can’t see them anymore.
Josh clears his throat, and I bring my attention back to him.
“I, uh, I wanted to apologize for what I said to you at the dinner party.”
He keeps his eyes on the baby.
“I was there the day you disappeared. I saw your stuff half packed into bags, and all signs pointed to the fact that you left him. I was just worried that you were taking advantage of him and trying to get his money. It was hard watching him become the man he was the last nine years again. He wasn’t himself, and I didn’t want to see that happen again.”
I don’t know what to say to him. I wasn’t expecting an apology from him, I didn’t even need one, but it means a lot to me that he did.
“I get it. He’s your best friend. You don’t have to apologize to me. Just know that he’s not going to make it easy for you to make amends with him.”
He nods, his eyes still on Benjamin.
“Yeah, I know, but the first step to that is making amends with you. Maybe it will be easier if I have you on my side.”
Benjamin lets out a loud cry all of a sudden, and a panicked look crosses Josh’s face, making me laugh as I reach over and take my son from him.
“What did you do to my boy, Joshua?”
Chandler and Sophia come back into the room, and the matching looks of irritation on their faces make their similarities even more pronounced. Josh stares at them and then turns to me.
“You’ve got your hands full with those two, good luck.”
Josh stands from the bed and moves out of the way as Chandler comes to my side. He leans down, kisses my temple and whispers to me.
“Is everything okay? Did he say anything stupid?”
I cup his cheek in my hand and smooth my thumb over his stubbled cheekbone.
“No, everything is perfect.”
Everything is perfect. We have two healthy children, we have each other and our family and friends, and we have a bright future ahead of us.