Chapter 14
Charlie didn’t sleep. She couldn’t. Between the nausea and the relationship drama, Charlie couldn’t get her body to relax.
She climbed out of bed and crept out toward the kitchen.
She didn’t turn on a light. She knew the house by heart.
She didn’t want to wake Demi up because she wasn’t ready to face him again.
She rounded the corner, and the glow from the open refrigerator shined on Lauren.
“Oh, I was just…grabbing water,” Lauren said as she took a bottle out of the refrigerator and moved aside.
“Sure, make yourself at home,” Charlie said sarcastically. An awkward silence fell over them as Charlie opened the cabinet and pulled out a box of tea. She filled her kettle and placed it on the stove. It clicked as the fire ignited.
“DJ’s room. It’s nice. All his favorite things are here,” Lauren said.
Charlie reluctantly replied. “Yeah, I wanted him to be comfortable. I wanted it to feel like home…” Charlie’s eyes watered, and she quickly gained her composure.
“I cared about him, Lauren. I hate that I never really got a chance to show him, but I was excited to be a part of his life. You could have at least let me walk to his casket to say goodbye and that I’m sorry.
He was just a little boy. I was so afraid of him.
Like, afraid to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing.
I just wanted him to like coming over here. ”
“I painted a bad picture of you, Charlie. For a long time,” Lauren admitted. “Being mad at you is a deflection from being mad at myself.”
Charlie looked at her in shock.
“I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye. Anybody who loved DJ deserved that chance,” Lauren whispered.
“You really do have Demi eating out of the palm of your hands; you know that, right?” Lauren asked.
“Are you fucking him, Lo? Are you taking him back? Like, is this what this is? You’re being nice to me to set me up for the gut punch? I know he’s been staying at your house. I know he’s practically been playing the husband role. Did you get your lick back?” Charlie asked.
Lauren’s silence made Charlie ill. “I fucking knew it,” she whispered dreadfully.
“No, Charlie,” Lauren answered. The relief that filled Charlie pushed a breath of angst from her soul.
Lauren could see it. “The only thing Demi and I have done is parent our boy. No lines were crossed. Emotions were high, and I’ll always love him.
We spent 15 years together, and even after his bullshit, he’s still important in my life, especially now.
But I know Demi isn’t the man for me. I don’t think he ever was because he ended up here with you. ”
“Only he’s not here. He’s there with you. I’m here alone,” Charlie whispered. The kettle whistled, and Charlie turned to take it off the stove.
She retrieved two mugs and then prepared tea. She held one out for Lauren.
“It’s the middle of the night, and we’re stuck here together in the middle of a snowstorm on the night you buried your son. Can you just not hate me until morning? It’s just tea, Lo.”
Lauren sighed and grabbed the cup. “Let me show your young ass how to make a decent cup of tea,” Lauren said. She walked over to Charlie, took her cup, and poured both cups down the drain.
“Hey!”
“Girl, pass me some Henny. I know you got some cuz Demi keep a full bar,” Lauren said. “I need something stronger than tea.”
“Lauren…” she paused. “I can’t.”
Lauren froze. She shook her head like she was clearing cobwebs from her mind. “I’m sorry. Of course, you can’t. I’m not in my right mind.” Lauren turned to leave the kitchen but then spun back to face Charlie.
“You’re not alone, Charlie. Because of that baby you’re growing, you’ll never ever feel alone again.
You’re in here worrying about Demi. Fuck Demi.
Fuck everybody, except yourself and that baby.
All the tears, all the stress you’ve been taking yourself through.
It’s not worth it, Charlie. You’re carrying the most precious gift a woman could ever receive.
You’re not alone. I would give anything to go back to the beginning and do it all over again.
I would have held him tighter. I would have watched him closer. I would have loved him harder.”
Charlie’s heart was weighted because she could feel Lauren’s anguish. She remade her tea and then fixed Lauren a real drink.
“I hope you find peace one day, and I am sorry for your loss. I know this doesn’t mean anything to you, especially coming from me, but I’ve prayed for you every day since this happened.”
“You are so hard to hate,” Lauren said, crying and laughing at the same time.
“So don’t hate me.” Charlie shrugged. “Good night, Lo.” Charlie took her cup of tea and headed back to her room. Apparently, the conversation with Lauren was just enough to allow her mind to ease so she could get some sleep.
Morning came, and Charlie heard the knock at her bedroom door.
She was already dressed. When she went to open it, Demi stood on the other side.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
“No, Demi, I don’t think I have anything left to say, and I was going to leave, but I’m not leaving my home. I will raise my baby in this home. I packed you a bag instead,” she said. She went to the bed, grabbed the duffel bag, and set it down near his feet.
“This is bullshit, man,” Demi mumbled. His exasperation wasn’t missed. “How long this supposed to last? How long a nigga supposed to pretend like he letting you have your way? Because hear me clearly, Bird, I ain’t never coming up off you.”
“You don’t have a choice,” Charlie stated firmly. “This isn’t a game. I’m choosing to end this. I’m not looking for attention. Me and my baby…”
“Our baby,” Demi interrupted. He placed a hand on her stomach. “That’s me growing inside there, Bird.”
“Me and the baby will be staying here and you’re leaving.”
Demi usually knew when Charlie was bluffing, but the serious expression on her face told him that this wasn’t a ploy. “You’re punishing me for going through a hard time? That sound right to you?”
“No punishment. I’m making a choice. The same way you made a choice.
You secluded me from the most intimate moment of your life.
I’m supposed to be who you find safety in.
I’m supposed to be your retreat. I’m supposed to be your safe place, and you don’t see me that way.
You see Lauren that way, and I’m coming to understand that whatever this is that we have…
” She paused because it hurt to even diminish their bond.
It hurt her to think that it was small. He was the biggest thing in her life.
He brought about big energy, he made her soul shake in a big way, he gave out big love, gave her big goals, big dick, big emotions, big everything.
Lauren’s energy, apparently, was larger if it distracted him from their entire life.
“I can’t compare to a lifetime with her.
You still take pride in that life. I think you miss that life and still crave a presence there.
So, I’m letting you go. No harm. No foul.
No ill feelings. I just need what I give, and I give you everything.
I’d never make you feel like a small part of my life. I give you every single emotion.”
“And what the fuck I give you, Bird? I didn’t cheat on you! I lost my fucking son! I barely touch Lauren. I’m all over you! Only fucking you! BUT WE LOST OUR SON!”
“You went through the worst moment of your life without needing me. How can we do life together if you don’t even allow me to be a part of the important moments? I expected animosity from Lauren. I get that. I deserved more from you, though.”
“This isn’t happening, Bird. You can punish a nigga.
You can throw your fits. You can do whatever you got to do to prove your point.
You ain’t leaving a nigga, though. I’m completely fucking smitten with your little ass.
You hear me? I fucked up these past few days.
If you say I did wrong, fuck it, I’m wrong.
I ain’t gon’ argue ‘bout it. Just tell me what you want me to do to make it right.”
“You can’t,” Charlie said. “I can’t forget how you made me feel.
” Demi was so blown, he felt like tearing the roof off the entire house.
She was dragging him over the coals on this one, and it didn’t seem fair.
Little bitty Charlie felt like a motherfucking bully, and he wanted to cry.
How the hell she had this much power over him, he didn’t know.
“No matter how I moved, it was going to disappoint someone…”
“Nigga, and you picked meee!” she shouted in frustration.
“I need you to give me some grace, Bird. I’ma lose my mind behind this shit here.
Baby, I feel you. You’re mad. I know; shit you got it.
Can you love on a nigga anyway? Cuz I need it.
I’m not perfect, but I ain’t mean to hurt you.
I ain’t held you all week. I just want to close my eyes with you on my chest, Bird.
I just want you to sing me a song and make all this disappear. Come on, man.”
“You can leave, or I will,” she whispered. He was wearing her down because God knows she loved this nigga. She knew Demi wouldn’t want her to leave. It was only then that he bent down to grab his bag. He snatched it up forcefully, full of attitude and disdain.
“This is bullshit,” he grumbled as he stormed for the door. He stopped abruptly and turned back to her, snatching her up by her waist, pulling her into his body, and pressing his forehead to hers.
“Demi, stop,” she whispered.
“I’m never stopping, Bird,” he said. He kissed her lips and then walked out, tapping the door frame as he departed. “Take care of my baby.”
“Can I speak with Anastassia?”
Stassi squinted as the bright glare from her phone irritated her whole being.
“It’s six o’clock in the morning. Who is this?” she groaned as she fell back onto her pillow in pure distress.