Chapter 51
Peter
IWAKE TO HUSHED orders being spoken by a nurse just outside my hospital door as it closes, while the burn in my shoulder intensifies. Pressing my thumb to dispense what meds I may have waiting, I open my eyes, registering the fast clicks, only to see him sitting in the lone chair in the corner.
Sensing my shock, as I struggle to sit, his lifeless eyes flit to mine over the laptop he’s pounding on. Burner to his ear, he jerks his chin to refuse my movement, and I quickly still. The infection being what’s kept me weak and idle since the bullet ripped through me.
Emotions quickly overriding all discomfort, and stunned by the fact he’s here, I take in his immaculate, polished appearance.
Beard absent, jaw freshly shaved, he fills out one of his tailored suits, every bit the in-control man I take daily orders from.
Closer scrutiny revealing no trace of that man’s typical animation.
Within a few seconds, I know he’s gone, and it’s my fucking fault. If I hadn’t ignored his direct order and followed Larissa … if I would have—could have—trusted her, he could be with her now.
As he ends his call, still typing a mile a minute, I give him meaningless words, which, pathetically, are all I have. “I’m so fucking sorry, Tyler.”
The dip of his chin is nearly imperceptible, but given, although his grudge is apparent.
All hopes I had of rectifying my mistakes weighing me further into the bed I made.
In seconds, I notice he’s tucked in the faraway place I’ve only watched him escape to a handful of times during our missions.
It’s his presence that gives me some glimmer of hope.
Even with my epic, unforgivable fuckup, he’s made me a priority by coming.
By recruiting me from that jail cell years ago, he not only gifted me another life, but also guided me into it every step of the way.
Drastically shifting my path, as well as my mother’s and sister’s.
Guilt shreds me at the knowledge I’ll be lost if the man sitting feet away, who I love and respect above all others and consider family, turns his back on me.
“Please tell me what to say,” I croak, my throat scratchy as my eyes burn at the defeat I feel. “I could give you my reasons, but I know they won’t be enough to justify …” He stills his fingers, briefly looking over at me as my eyes spill. “I don’t know why I couldn’t trust her.”
“Because I told you that you couldn’t, and shouldn’t,” he replies, so matter-of-factly that the burn increases tenfold.
“I know you asked me to stay away—”
“Ordered you, it was an order,” he corrects, no condemnation in his tone, yet I feel it everywhere.
“It was—”
“A direct order you disobeyed,” he interjects, this time with more bite, “at the most crucial time in our mission, and almost died because of it.”
“Would have been worth it, if it meant saving you—”
I jump at the close of his laptop—which he might as well have slammed—and watch as he quickly stuffs it into his bag.
Scouring him, I realize just how checked-out he is, the lack of life in his expression terrifying as he speaks.
“You’ve got another day here, and then they’re sending you home.
I’m headed back to DC. I’ll see you when I get there. ”
Nodding, I can’t help the words that tumble from me as he jerks the door open. “Please don’t leave it like this.” Hating the fact that I’m openly crying, I quickly backtrack. “I mean, I get it. You have to go, but just, I know how badly I fucked up, about the baby—”
“It’s war,” he dismisses instantly. “And when you engage in it for the first time, unprepared, the hard truth is, there’s no black or white.
You made a call, and it wasn’t the right one.
You survived it, and that’s the best outcome.
But you made that call because you believed what I told you to believe.
You obeyed that—” He shakes his head, stopping himself.
“Please … tell me one day you can forgive me.” I trace the look of him.
Every bit of his appearance contradicts his situation—as if he didn’t just return from a suicide mission.
Begging for a life none of us thought he wanted to live anymore, for the chance to know his unborn child.
Inside his return gaze, I see none of it.
He’s in business mode, and nothing about it sits right with me.
“I’ll see you in DC,” he clips before stalking out.