Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
August 1993
R ose had begun to break the rules.
She was getting rash about it, breaking past Mrs. Walden’s boundaries and rules in the style of a woman with nothing to lose. The reality, of course, was that she had everything to lose. But she’d once heard that life began at the edge of her comfort zone. Wasn’t that why she’d left Mississippi in the first place? Wasn’t that why she’d come all the way here?
After the children went to bed most nights of the week, she changed her clothes, put on lipstick, and tiptoed through the massive house to find Oren in his quarters with a bottle of whiskey and plenty to say. It was these evenings that enlivened her. Oren seemed to have ideas about everything: novels and movies and travel and politics. Rose had never met anyone like him before. She found herself obsessing over what he’d told her the night before, so much so that she was often distracted from her duties with the children. She paid for this a few times when one of the boys got hurt when she should have been watching or when Evie threw a rock at Kate after Kate teased her too much. Rose always hopped to it, remembering herself and what she’d come there to do. She had to protect the children. She had to remain awake, even if she was borderline obsessed with Oren and wanted to think about nothing else.
A private part of her mind said, Soon, I won’t have to worry about babysitting. I’ll be someone’s bride.
Rose knew it wasn’t right. She knew that Oren had just lost his wife and that he was still grieving. A part of her was terrified that he would shake himself free of the summer, move to the city and find a bride there, somebody who better suited him. Somebody who actually knew more about literature, movies, and psychology. But for whatever reason, he remained at the Walden Estate, waiting for something. Sometimes, Rose liked to guess that he stayed there for her.
That August night, a storm rolled over the island and slashed lightning bolts through the sky. Rose hovered at the window of Oren’s study with a glass of whiskey in her hand. Oren was playing Prince on vinyl, and he was more animated than she’d seen him, dancing around. Twice, he touched her on the shoulder and sang, his eyes on hers. A shiver ran down her spine.
Tonight was important for two reasons.
One, this was the last time Oren ever spoke about Natalie.
Two, this was the first night Oren and Rose kissed.
Natalie came up because of Prince.
Oren said, “Natalie always hated this song.”
And Rose said, “How could she? It’s so good!”
Oren’s lips twisted into a smile. “I knew you had a more advanced mind when it comes to music.”
Rose beamed. She tried to parse through her memories for proof of that, something she’d said or done that indicated she knew more about music than others. But the fact that Oren said it aloud had to be enough.
“I have to wonder sometimes,” Oren said. “Would Natalie and I have gotten divorced if she was still here?”
Rose kept a soft smile on her lips. She wanted to consider that Oren could never have loved Natalie the way he was falling in love with Rose. She had to believe it.
Oren stopped dancing and leaned against his desk. Behind him, lightning veined the night sky. Rose swayed in time to the music, wanting him to think she was beautiful and was always in the moment.
“Sometimes I wonder if she ever really loved me,” Oren said.
Rose stopped her swaying. Her heart felt bruised from all this Natalie talk. What about me? She wanted to yell. But that was childish. It would prove to him that she wasn’t ready for him.
“Why do you think that?” Rose breathed.
Oren cocked his head. “Natalie was engaged when I met her.”
This was news to Rose. She swallowed, hating the image of Oren sweeping Natalie off her feet—and away from her fiancé. It wasn’t so difficult to see how it had happened. Oren was everything a man should be—handsome, powerful, and intelligent. He had a mastery of language unmatched in all of Mississippi or the rest of the world, as far as Rose was concerned.
“She loved him?” Rose asked meekly because she couldn’t think of anything else to say.
Oren touched his ear. “She brought him up during arguments,” he said darkly. “She always said he would have done this or that better, that he would never have done this or that to her.”
“What kinds of things?” Rose asked, frustrated with Oren’s vagueness.
“It doesn’t matter.” Oren hung his head. “Maybe she never should have left him. Maybe everything would have been better.”
Rose took a hesitant step toward him and touched his shoulder. She had no idea what to say. He’ll never get over her. Even if he thinks they might have divorced, the fact that she died means he will never get over any of this.
Oren met Rose’s gaze and asked, “What do you want?”
Rose stuttered with surprise. “What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said. You’re twenty-one years old with the rest of your life ahead of you. You don’t want to be a babysitter for the rest of your life. But what do you want? How do you want to fill your days?” Oren asked. His tone was urgent. Wild.
Rose knew she couldn’t answer sarcastically. She couldn’t be silly about such a serious topic.
So she said, “I just don’t want to go back to Mississippi.”
A smile fluttered across Oren’s lips.
“What do you want?” Rose asked, throwing the question back. “You’re only twenty-seven.”
“Only twenty-seven,” Oren repeated as though he couldn’t believe it. “I feel like I’ve lived seven thousand different lives. ”
“Only seven thousand?”
Oren’s smile widened. He shifted off the desk and approached her. Rose’s nose was filled with his musk, the smell of smoke, patchouli, and oak. Her heart pumped. This is the romance I’ve always dreamed of. This is the beginning of everything.
Suddenly, his arms were around her waist. She was pressed up against him.
“I want a future,” Oren affirmed. “I want children. I want a wife.”
Rose’s eyes filled with tears. This was exactly what she’d yearned for him to say. It was hard to believe this was happening—just two months after she’d met him. Just two months after his wife had died.
He couldn’t have killed his wife. It was impossible.
Not this man. Not this man she was falling head over heels for.
Suddenly, his lips were upon hers. Swiftly, the world shifted off its axis, and Rose’s eyes were closed, and she was wrapped up in his arms. Suddenly, nothing she’d ever known made sense to her anymore, and this was all she’d ever understood.
Rose and Oren kept their romance a secret from the Waldens and Zachary. Rose was tentative, and Oren agreed that it might “frighten” the Waldens to know that Oren was seeing their babysitter.
“Everyone thinks I’m off my rocker right now,” Oren said tenderly one night when they were wrapped up in each other’s arms in his study, their minds swimming with whiskey and love. “I don’t want them to think you’re a part of some kind of mental break. When the time comes, I’ll tell them. When the time comes, we’ll leave the place and make a real go of it.”
What could Rose do but trust him?
Rose’s love for Oren gave her a newfound purpose. She’d never felt this way before. Her hours with the children sizzled with magic; she was funnier, prettier, and more talkative with the other employees at the Walden Estate. Baxter and Miriam both told her there was a “light” in her.
“You’re glowing, honey,” Miriam explained. “You’re infectious.”
Rose spent her days off with Oren. They couldn’t get enough of each other. By late September, they were clumsier about their arrangement and spending long hours in the Nantucket Historic District. Although they didn’t dare hold hands or touch, Rose knew how close they’d become. It was apparent to every passerby.
On one of these afternoons, she spotted Officer Sean Slagle across the street from where she and Oren ate ice cream cones.
It was startling to see Sean out and about like this. Ever since that first kiss she’d shared with Oren, Rose had convinced herself that the fire didn’t exist, that Natalie had never been Oren’s wife, and that Rose was the only woman Oren had ever loved.
But the way Sean Slagle looked at them now brought it all back.
“Those clowns,” Oren said now, guiding Rose away from Officer Sean. “They don’t have anything on me. They haven’t even come around to ask questions in weeks. But they still look at me like I’m a monster in some German fairy tale. I can’t take it. ”
Oren gave Rose a look that meant she needed to play along.
Rose said, “It’s awful. It’s so obvious you had nothing to do with what happened.”
Rose had stopped herself from saying the fire. It sounded too violent.
Oren took her by the hand and led her farther away from Sean, rounding the corner and diving into a little restaurant where the cheapest plate of food cost fifty-two dollars. Oren grabbed a table in the back and ordered the fanciest wine Rose had ever drunk, plus a cheese plate that made her think back on the Kraft singles she’d grown up with and laugh. Had Oren ever eaten such cheap food? She imagined not.
Oren took both of her hands over the table and kissed her knuckles. His eyes were like saucers. “I don’t know what I would have done this year without you,” he said. “You’ve saved me.”
Two days later, Rose received a letter at the Walden Estate. This was a surprise to everyone, as Rose’s family hadn’t sent her anything all summer long, and she’d hardly spoken with any of them on the phone. They’re happy I’m gone, she’d reasoned already. They had too many kids to keep track of as it is.
The letter had no return address. Rose took it to her bedroom and tore it open to find a brief note from Officer Sean Slagle.
Rose,
Please stay away from Oren. Although we can’t get him behind bars this time, it’s clear to all of us at the station that he’s dangerous.
Let me know if you need help getting out of your current situation.
Come by the station any time on your day off, or call my home phone number, which is listed below.
Sean
Rose folded the letter and returned it to its envelope. Her first thought was to get rid of it. God forbid Oren found it and thought she was sneaking around on him. But her second thought was: how dare he? She hadn’t agreed to go out with Sean, and now Sean wanted to make unfounded accusations about the man she loved. He wanted to “save” her from the happiest she’d ever been. He didn’t know anything about her! He just assumed!
She knew Sean was just jealous. That had to be it.
But she couldn’t let Sean’s jealousy destroy her life.
After the children went to bed that night, Rose snuck back to Oren’s and considered telling him about Sean’s letter. But she imagined Oren would fly off the handle, so she kept quiet. Maybe being in love meant knowing what to keep from your lover to ensure his happiness. Perhaps it was all a balancing act.
Autumn continued, bringing storm clouds and questions from the Waldens about how much longer they wanted to stay on the island. Did they want to go back to the city? Did they want to try out California? A teacher joined the staff for the school year and took up many hours of the day with the children, which allowed Rose beautiful mornings and afternoons with Oren. It was remarkable to her that nobody in the Walden family had caught on yet. Or, if they had, they’d decided they didn’t care.
Even Zachary was too enmeshed in his personal affairs to notice Oren’s newfound commitment.
Rose wondered if everything would go on like that for months and months. She wondered when they would have to make a decision and reveal their hand.
But then, time had its way with them.
In October—just four months after they met—Rose discovered she was pregnant with Oren’s child.
Everything changed after that.