27. Vi
vi
. . .
The hiss of the bus doors was my soundtrack as I jumped down onto the sidewalk, all but running toward Danny’s. Given I didn’t have any forethought as to where I was going and jumped onto the first available bus without any consideration for its route, I’d needed to make a few transfers, but it gave me time to think.
In the heat of the moment, I’d felt so betrayed that I couldn’t even think straight. It was like the words Ren had said to me in the vault didn’t even begin to sink in until I was already halfway into the Upper City.
But once they did? Once I realised that Ren was as confused and hurt as I was, I knew she hadn’t known.
Even with my entire world feeling like it’d been flipped upside down, I knew something for sure: Ren wouldn’t lie.
Not to anyone, but especially not to me .
Leaving me with the uncomfortable truth that someone did, and I had a pretty good idea who it was. I marched up the sun-soaked stairs to Danny’s apartment and pounded on the door, all the rage building up inside me letting loose on the act.
I heard shuffling before the door cracked open, Danny peeking around the edge curiously. They looked surprised and shut the door for a moment, releasing the chain before opening it fully.
“Fucking hell, Vi, I thought someone was trying to break my door down.” She slid aside, and I stomped past her. Kaylee was on the couch, and it looked like they were about to settle in for a movie.
“Did you know?” I asked, my gaze bouncing between them accusatorially.
They both froze for a second.
“What are you talking about?” Kaylee asked.
I pulled out the folded photo from my pocket and walked over, shoving it in her face.
“This. I’m talking about this. Did. You. Know?”
“Vi,” Danny started, “why don’t we sit down and?—”
“No,” I turned to them and stepped back immediately as I realised they were reaching for my shoulder. “I need a straight answer.”
The room was tense and silent. I was about to lose it when Kaylee finally sighed, giving up first. “Yes, we knew.”
White-hot rage like nothing I’d felt before took over me. Tears began to fall from my face, not ones of sadness, but of such a deep-seated anger that the feeling had nowhere else to go and overflowed.
These were the two people I trusted most in the world, and they’d let me believe I’d never seen my covenmates before. People who had meant so much to me, and one I’d lost. One that I’d been mourning without even knowing I was.
“Why?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
“We’ll explain it all; just sit. Please,” Kaylee said.
As much as I didn’t want to listen to anything she had to say right now, I did need answers, and I knew she wasn’t going to budge.
I found a place on the opposite end of the couch, and Danny sat on the love seat against the adjacent wall.
“So?”
Danny sighed. “On Juniper’s birthday, you were attacked by another vampire.”
Though I knew that part because I had so clearly remembered it, thinking about it still sent a shiver down my spine. “I know.”
“But after that, you… weren’t the same. You became detached from everyone, but especially from the coven. You couldn’t even be around a vampire without flinching every time they moved. And no matter what we did or how we tried to help, you just wouldn’t get better.”
My eyes found the logo on the TV, bouncing around from inactivity. I followed it, unable to look at either of them.
“So Cherie came to us and suggested using compulsion to make you forget,” Danny continued. “At first, we weren’t sure, but you were just so… broken. It killed us to see you that way, so after a few days thinking about it, we all agreed. You included.”
I continued following the bounce of the logo, watching it almost hit the corner perfectly a few times, though it never did. That logo seemed to match what was happening in my head. Memories of my past life and my current one just bouncing around, trying to find their place, but unable to settle into a single timeline.
“What about them?” I asked. “Have all of them been hiding it from me? Just pretending for a laugh?”
“No,” Danny replied. “I remember Juniper and Ren being pissed when we started discussing it . They wanted nothing to do with it, and everyone else was on the fence. Elsie just…”
“She just wanted you to be okay, and Cherie was very convincing,” Kaylee cut in. “Dana argued a lot against it at first. But she wanted to believe that it was the right thing, I think… So long as you’d be able to move on.”
“In the end, thought, we decided, and Cherie put all of them under as well to smooth things over.”
I chewed on my thumbnail in thought. At least they hadn’t been lying to me. Despite my anger, I was sure they wouldn’t do that to me, but everything felt so fucked up right now. “So I chose to forget. But then why would you push me back to the club? Why couldn’t you just tell me?”
My question was directed at Kaylee, who looked at the floor in guilty silence. She stayed that way, not giving me a straight answer, until I got back on my feet, my anger at her non-response getting the best of me.
“You pushed me back to them after knowing I couldn’t remember them—remember Cherie—for what? Why would you do that? I deserve a real answer, Kaylee.”
“Fine.” That finally snapped her out of it, forcing her to make eye contact as she sighed. “I thought that…. maybe , if you’d had some time to build up enough new memories that you’d be able to move past it. The compulsion was going to wear off now that Cherie was gone, we all knew that it was just a matter of time—and look at you! It worked ! You could be cowering right now, but instead you’re screaming at me, not because I pushed you back onto the laps of monsters but because you missed all that time with them.”
At her words, my entire body deflated, most of my built-up anger suddenly gone and replaced with tiredness. I flopped myself down on the couch next to her, leaning back far enough that I could look at the ceiling.
As much as I still wanted to be mad about the lying, they were right. It did work. I wasn’t afraid of them at all, I just missed them.
I wished I’d gotten the time to grieve Cherie, to say goodbye. And to support my coven through their grief. Be there… Help if I could.
But I wondered… Would I have been a help at all?
A bump to my knee had me looking up at Danny, one of the shit beers they always had onhand offered in their outstretched hand. I twisted the cap and took a long sip from the bottle, letting the bitter bubbles dance over my tongue.
Then I remembered everything I’d stuffed in my bag and went to get the flash drive. “Can you play this for me?”
I watched as they got their computer and cast it to the TV.
Tears sprung to my eyes when I saw Cherie’s deep brown eyes and her dark hair pulled back the way it always had been. Danny gave me a moment before pressing play.
Hello, ma puce.
I am so sorry I’m not doing this in person. For the first time in my very long life, I feel like a coward for not coming to you myself. But there’s nothing that can be done now.
I’m sure by the time you’re seeing this, I won’t be around anymore, and the compulsion has dissipated. I’m so sorry I can’t say goodbye. As head of the coven, I’ve always had to make hard decisions for the good of all of us, and this is one. No matter how you feel about me, there’s a few things I need you to know.
I took a shaky breath, flinching as Kaylee reached over and wiped one of my tears away, giving me an encouraging smile. With that small bit of reassurance, I was able to turn my attention back to the screen.
First, I want you to know that no matter what, O is still your home, one you’re always welcome in. It’s as much yours as it is any of ours, and it will always be that way.
Second, please don’t hold this against the coven. I’m sure by now everyone knows and has some choice words of their own for me, but I did what had to be done, and I can’t feel sorry about that. Juniper and Ren, if you’re watching this, please don’t throw anything at the screen. I’m not really there, darlings, and as much as you were against this, I hope that you have all found peace with it.
I couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped me then. I wondered where Juniper was right now. I wondered if Ren had told her yet.
I hope the compulsion worked. And I hope that, if you’re watching this, you all found your way back to each other and love each other again. You all meant so much to me and so much to one another. Now, and in all hard times, lean on that. Even if you don’t quite remember it all, the feelings are still there. They will all come back in time. So be there for each other and hold each other as long as you can. You never know when you won’t be able to anymore.
I watched a single tear run down her cheek, falling to her lap below.
Je vous aime , and I’ll see you all in the afterlife one day .
The screen froze as the video ended, and I glanced at Cherie one last time before grabbing the remote and shutting the screen off, watching it fade to black.
They let me sit in silence for a few moments, taking it all in.
“She looked as good as ever,” Kaylee said, trying to lighten the mood.
I barked a laugh, but it only brought more tears.
Kaylee cuddled me on one side and Danny on the other. None of us said anything, just taking in the silent comfort of one another.
I couldn’t lie; I was pissed at Cherie. She took away my ability to say goodbye, but at the same time, I understood. From what everyone said, I was inconsolable, afraid of the people I loved so dearly, and wasting away. Given the same situation, I’m not sure what I would have done.
Cherie always did what she had to for the family. Always fell on the sword to keep us safe. And though at times like this I cursed her for it, I also understood it was done out of a love so deep I could hardly fathom it.
One that led us here.
And I couldn’t be mad at her for getting me back where I belonged.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that but, eventually, my tears stopped falling, and I was able to pull myself from the pile we’d found ourselves in. As I did, I knew there was something else they needed to see. I headed back over to where I’d dropped my bag on the floor next to the door.
The clasp snapped open, and I reached for the manila envelope.
“And then there’s this,” I said as I held it out for them to see.
“What?” they said almost at the same time, both coming toward me.
“Oh my god,” Kaylee gasped.
“Cherie’s will. The bar. Oh my god, it’s yours,” Danny added. “Vivian Knox. In black and white.”
“Why would she leave it to me?”
“I don’t know,” Danny answered. “But what are you going to do?”
I wasn’t sure, but before I could even think about it, there was a thundering knock on Danny’s door.