Chapter 27
Eric
Ninety-four hours and thirty-one minutes had gone by since Finn had kicked me out. Ninety-four hours, thirty-one minutes, and fifty-four, fifty-five, fifty-six seconds without a word.
“You need to feed,” Bennie said, holding out a bag of blood for me.
I turned my head away from the dark liquid, a wave of nausea turning my stomach.
I wasn’t hungry.
No.
I was starving.
But at the same time, I couldn’t bear even thinking about eating.
“Eric…”
I shook my head, staring at the wall in my room.
Ninety-four hours, thirty-four minutes and eight seconds….
“You’re torturing yourself.”
“Good. I deserve it.”
I’d ruined everything, and there was nothing I could do.
Hell, there wasn’t anything I could’ve done differently. I mean yes, besides not stalking him in the first place. That was obvious. But it was also obviously not possible because I hadn’t even known why I’d been doing it.
“You don’t.”
I did.
I’d hurt Finn.
I’d shattered him.
He’d kicked me out and then cried on the floor for an hour.
I knew, because I’d been standing right outside his door, listening to his cries and sobs, scenting his despair.
I knew I should’ve left, but some masochistic part of me hadn’t let me. Or maybe it’d been the human part of me, the part that was aware that what I’d been doing was wrong. The part that needed me to bear witness to the effect my actions had on Finn.
“Finn wouldn’t want you to starve yourself.”
I wouldn’t be so sure about that.
I scoffed at myself.
No.
He really wouldn’t want that.
And that was the problem, wasn’t it?
Even with everything I’d done, all the ways I’d hurt him, he still wouldn’t want me hurting myself. Because deep in his heart, he was good.
On the other hand, deep inside, I was a stalker.
Someone who’d followed his mate for three years.
Someone who’d terrified the person they were meant to be with.
Well, I’d royally screwed that up, hadn’t I?
He’d never want to be with me now.
He didn’t even want me to explain.
He hadn’t called.
Or texted.
Hadn’t tried contacting me in any way.
And he probably never would.
“Eric…”
“Later,” I said. “I’ll eat later.”
Maybe tomorrow.
Or a week from now.
Maybe once the aching hole in my chest didn’t feel as all-consuming anymore.
I scoffed.
That would never happen.
Because leaving Finn had meant leaving my fucking heart behind, and now it was missing. It’d always be missing. It’d stay with him. It fucking belonged to him.
“If you don’t feed, I’ll call Aries and ask him if force feeding a vampire is something that can be done.”
I shrugged.
So what if Bennie called Aries?
I didn’t care, and I doubted Aries would.
It wasn’t his problem after all.
And he was busy trying to find more fledglings.
Apparently there were at least two more waiting out there.
“You’re scaring me,” Bennie said, his hands gripping my shoulders, his nails digging into my skin so hard it hurt.
I didn’t mind.
I welcomed the pain.
It was… grounding in a way.
Taking my mind off the emptiness in my chest, at least for a while.
I closed my eyes, reveling in the way his nails pierced my skin. The way a bit of blood welled up and slowly soaked through my shirt, staining it black.
Black.
Just like everything felt right now.
Bennie sighed.
He wasn’t smiling.
I hadn’t seen him smile since Saturday.
That was… weird. Bennie always smiled, and I knew it was wrong for him not to. That I should feel bad about scaring and worrying him so much he’d lost his smile, but… I was relieved.
I wasn’t sure I could handle seeing him smile as if the world was okay.
Because it wasn’t.
Nothing was okay without Finn.
“We have a meeting with Aries in an hour.”
“Okay.”
Couldn’t he go alone?
The thought of going to CRAVE without Finn was bleak. Daunting.
It was the place I’d talked to him for the first time. Where my whole existence had changed trajectory. Where I’d gone from watching from afar to being an active part of his life.
Maybe I shouldn’t have interfered.
So what if that sleazy sleazeball had taken a bite?
Would it really have been that bad?
I growled, my fangs dropping at the thought of another vampire feeding on my Finn.
Not yours anymore.
I’d lost him.
“I know you’re in pain, I can feel it, but you need to snap out of it.
You need to focus. You know that there are at least two fledglings out there, and we don’t know what they know about us or how long they’ve been here.
We don’t know if they’ve seen you with Finn.
We need to figure out timelines and make sure your mate is safe. ”
I snarled.
Why did Bennie have to be so fucking sneaky? I knew what he was doing. He was trying to manipulate me into getting up and going with him. And it was fucking working.
“He isn’t my mate anymore,” I grumbled. Finn would want nothing to do with me again. He had more self-respect than that.
Bennie sighed.
At one point, he’d pulled his nails out of my shoulders. The wounds were already healing, and I fucking missed the pain because the emptiness was just growing and growing, threatening to swallow me whole.
“Finn was your mate before you even talked to him the first time. He is your mate and always will be, no one can change that. Not you, not him. I’m not sure even fate could.
Right now, he needs time. Time to figure out how to handle his emotions, time to come to terms with what you’ve done, and time to figure out what questions he has.
Because knowing him, at some point, he’ll want answers. He’ll want an explanation.”
I wasn’t sure he would.
He hadn’t wanted answers in the past ninety-four hours and forty-two minutes.
“He will,” Bennie reiterated. “But he has a lot of things to work through and process first. And right now, it’s our job to make sure he’s safe, so we can respect his wishes of leaving him alone. Okay?”
“Yes,” I grumbled, hating how logical he sounded.
“Great.” Bennie came into focus, giving me a hard look. “So, go have a shower. You reek.”
“I’m a vampire. We don’t sweat.”
“Even more impressive that you’ve managed to reek. Shower. Get dressed. Then we’re off to Aries. And either you feed here, or I will talk Aries into helping me make you feed. Got it?”
God, sometimes I fucking hated Bennie.
Ninety-five hours, thirty-two minutes, and fifteen seconds after Finn had kicked me out, we entered Aries’s office.
My stomach plummeted as I remembered the last time I’d been here.
I’d really thought everything was going well. And then, merely half an hour later, everything had gone to hell. Just because Josh had to open his big mouth.
It wasn’t Josh’s fault, though. And while I’d love to place the responsibility solely on his shoulders—god knew, they were broad enough to carry the load—I knew he wasn’t to blame.
Nope. I’d screwed up. I knew it. Part of me had known it before I’d even left the first damn Post-it at Finn’s door.
But I hadn’t been able to refrain. That part inside me that needed to make sure Finn was okay had pushed and pushed and pushed.
It was still pushing.
Demanding that I check up on him.
To make sure he was okay. That the fledglings were staying far, far away from him.
But I was reining myself in.
“Is he, like… catatonic or something?” Aries asked.
I blinked, trying to remember how I’d gotten to the couch, let alone sat down, but my memory was blank. There was just so… much… emptiness.
“I don’t know. He’s been like that ever since he came back. It’s really… disconcerting.”
A hand appeared in front of me. Pale, slim fingers with meticulously manicured nails holding out a wineglass filled with blood.
“Drink,” Aries said. It was an order, but my stomach recoiled as the scent of cold, dead blood hit my nose.
I didn’t want a blood bag.
I wanted Finn.
“You will drink this, youngling.” Aries sighed. “You need to keep your strength up. How do you plan on keeping your mate safe while you’re starving?”
He was manipulating me. His voice was too sweet and comforting for him to be honest. I knew he was trying to bait me, trying to get me to do what he wanted.
The problem was, he wasn’t wrong.
But drinking anything still felt so damn wrong.
“Youngling… Eric. You need to drink. You need to focus.”
I sighed and took the glass from him. A first step.
I could do it. For Finn.
“If you’re a good youngling and drink up, I might give you a bit of information about your mate.”
That had me looking up fast.
Aries’s eyes flashed in amusement as he patted my shoulder.
“There you are.”
“How do you know anything about Finn?”
Was he following him? Harassing him? Scaring him?
My fangs ached, fingertips tingling.
I was this close to jumping him.
“Ah, ah, ah,” Aries said, shaking his head at me. “I’m afraid I won’t be in the mood to talk if you attack me. Besides, I’d have to hurt you, and I’m really not in the mood to. Hurting someone who’s already hit rock bottom isn’t any fun, you know?”
I wanted to fucking scratch his eyes out.
Arrogant fucker.
But if he wasn’t kidding and really had information about Finn…
I took a sip of blood and grimaced. My stomach was fighting me hard, cramping, rolling, trying to get the blood out the way it’d come from. But I swallowed and took another sip. And another one.
It was awful.
The taste was all wrong. Metallic, yes, but also sterile. Lacking any of Finn’s personal notes. And the temperature… oh god, so dead. Fucking appalling.
“Good job, youngling.” Aries patted my shoulder, because of course he had to treat me like a damn puppy.
“You said something about Finn?”
“Oh, yes.” He nodded. “Keep drinking.” The fucker seriously refilled my glass. “You keep drinking, I keep talking. Deal? Great.”
He hadn’t even bothered to wait for an answer.
Still, I was desperate to know how Finn was doing, so I drank the damn blood.