Chapter Thirty #2
I couldn’t argue with the wave of relief brought by the knowledge that I didn’t have to worry about him hiding anything more from me, but I let out a sigh, trying to pull my thoughts together.
It was hard to focus when I still felt like I burned with a fever even if the cramps had stopped and the need was satisfied for the moment.
The silence that settled between us was different from the ones we'd shared before. There was no anger hiding beneath it. No suspicion or secret plans.
For most of my life, I'd survived by keeping pieces of myself separate. Work was work. Home was home. My thoughts belonged to me, and no one could take them unless I chose to share.
Now there was someone who could feel enough of my emotions to know when I wasn't being honest.
It should have caused panic. Fear. Something other than relief.
“I meant it.”
His hand stopped stroking again, but I pushed on.
“When I said I was choosing you.”
The words sounded inadequate, but they were the truth. Drazien said nothing, and I shifted my head to look at him. He was staring at me, eyes wide, an almost vulnerable expression on his face.
“I believe you.”
His voice was low and husky, as if he didn’t want it to leave the platform.
“Then why are you looking at me like that?”
A flicker of something passed through the bond before he could hide it.
Fear.
It disappeared so quickly I almost thought I'd imagined it.
“Drazien?”
His jaw tightened.
“You wanted to leave. Your trehvyr can make you say things…”
Understanding came as he trailed off.
“You think I'll change my mind when it's over.”
He didn't answer.
He didn't need to.
I pushed myself higher against his chest. The movement reminded me that we were still intimately connected, but for the moment the sensation was secondary to everything else.
“Drazien, I didn't decide to stay because I was in heat.”
His expression hardened, but I could feel the uncertainty beneath it.
“I changed my mind before this started. I wanted to stay before the cart incident, and I knew you didn’t just think of me as a piece of bait you got to keep after you finished your job.”
His eyes searched mine, as if needing more proof that I was telling the truth than what he could surely feel.
It had happened so gradually I hadn't noticed. Maybe it had started when he'd tried to teach me his language, or when he'd carried me home from the River Caverns.
Maybe it was every time he'd teased me until I forgot to be afraid of him, or the moment he arrived in my apartment and frightened the movers.
Every infuriating smirk.
Every time he'd fed me.
Every time he'd made me feel as though I wasn't invisible.
“I think I chose you a long time before I admitted it to myself.”
Something powerful surged through the bond. So many emotions tangled together that I couldn't separate them.
Relief.
Wonder.
Possession.
Something softer that made my chest ache.
Drazien stared at me as if I'd just handed him something precious and he didn't know what to do with it, and I found myself smiling.
“You're not going to say anything?”
“I fear I will only aggravate you.”
I huffed a laugh.
“That's never stopped you before.”
Sounds echoed through the quiet chamber, and for the first time I remembered we weren't alone. Somewhere within the dimness, the Bonding Hall was filled with Morraki. The Karzhari, Rhydek, maybe even the rebels.
But those problems were outside the nest, and they could wait a little longer.
I rested my head over Drazien's heart again. His arms tightened around me, not trapping me there, but holding me close.
“You are certain?”
The question made my eyes burn. After everything, he was still asking. Still giving me the opportunity to say no even if there was no going back from being bonded.
I turned my face and pressed a kiss against his chest, letting the answer flow silently between us. His joy warmed the bond, and I smiled against him until I felt something else.
Amusement.
My eyes narrowed.
“What?”
He widened his eyes as if he had any chance of looking innocent with his teeth gleaming in the red light.
“Nothing.”
I growled and his chest started shaking beneath my cheek. I pushed myself up enough to glare at him properly.
“What’s so funny?”
His teeth pressed into his bottom lip in a way that made me want to lean forward and bite it myself, until he said, “You.”
My eyes narrowed further, dragging back up to meet his.
“Me?”
“You spent half the voyage to Morrakan planning your escape.”
I scoffed.
“I did not spend half the voyage planning. I spent it passed out, too sick to think.”
He acted like he hadn’t heard me.
“Then you arrived and argued about everything.”
I leaned back farther, going to cross my arms over my chest until I brushed over the second bite mark he’d left on my breast.
“Because you were wrong about everything,” I hissed at him.
His grin only widened as he reached up to tweak the nipple he’d claimed, making me gasp and jerk as my core clenched in response.
“And now you’ve bitten me.”
I eyed the mark I'd left on his neck, a small thrill of satisfaction going through me. A purr began to throb between us, and I realized it wasn’t his.
His grin widened.
“Oh, shut up.”
I rolled my eyes and started to look away before he could see my smile, but he rolled us over, taking hold of my jaw so I was forced to look up at him.
The bond betrayed me anyway. He knew exactly how I felt about seeing my bite on his neck.
The same way he felt when he looked at the two he’d left on me.
There would be time later to worry about the rebels, and the trap, and what being bonded actually meant. Time to think about the life I'd left behind and the one I'd somehow built here without realizing it.
For the moment, my focus was my mate, and how much I liked his teeth on me.
“Claim me again.”
I didn’t have to ask him twice.