Chapter 12 #3
“Darcy, I apologize if you feel that way. It was not my intention, but we needed to settle the things that induced me to barge into your house against every rule of decorum. I shall gladly tell you everything you need to know about me whenever you desire.”
“Will you not tell me anything now—at least enough to remove some of my doubts about you?”
“What would you like to know?”
“Where have you been all this time? And why did you keep your life so secretive from my father who thought he was your best friend?”
“I left as I had no choice. Only your father knew my reason, and I cannot share it with you—or any other living soul. I wandered for a few years; I found a job on a ship, and I travelled on the sea until I forgot the taste of dry land. I sailed around Europe, and then I crossed the ocean to America for the first time.”
“First time?”
“Yes. It happened twice more in the following years. Everywhere I went, I struggled to earn as much money as possible. That was my only goal.”
“My father told me you sent him a significant amount of money several years after your departure.”
“Yes. Some was for my family to help them improve their lives. George delivered it right away, and they moved to Town. The rest was for your grandfather. Since I could not find another way to show my gratitude for his generosity to me, I thought I should at least repay some of his expenses for my education.”
“My grandfather did not want your money, so my father kept it in a safe at Pemberley. He said you might use it to purchase a small estate on your return.”
“Dear Lord…I did not know that…”
“My father waited for you and made plans for your return. He even found some estates that he thought you would like within a short distance of Pemberley. When years passed and he had no news of you, when his doubt about your disappearance was replaced with sad certainty, my father’s sorrow was beyond words.
He needed more than five years to recover after the death of my mother, and losing any trace of his oldest friend was difficult to bear.
How is it possible that you were alive and had too little consideration to write a few words?
I know my reproach sounds harsh, but I believe it is well deserved. ”
“Your reproach would be deserved if I had no reason beyond dishonourable silence. Again, I had no choice. For a while, I was in jail—locked away somewhere in India, unfairly accused of betrayal. When I regained my freedom, the first people I inquired after were your father and my sister. George’s death broke a part of my own soul—already in pieces due to events I cannot even describe. ”
“You were in jail?”
“I was many places and in many situations that caged my freedom, one way or another.”
“Then why did you not return? You said you always had an income. And if you did not have one, you could have asked my father. Why did you persist in staying abroad among strangers when friends were expecting you home?”
“I first needed to accomplish my purpose. I am not certain whether it was a good decision, but it was the one I made back then, and I cannot change it now.”
“Yes—one cannot change the past. We all have wounds to prove that and remind us of decisions—good or bad.”
“True words. The wound on my face reminds me of the many battles I fought, but there are others less easy to see yet equally painful. Anyway, after several years on the sea, I joined the army. I had a good education due to your father and grandfather, acquired knowledge, and a sum of money that helped me buy a commission. Army life suited me quite well for a while. Between 1793 and 1798, I served under Frederick, Duke of York. Until this year, when he deservedly regained his position and his responsibilities, I prided myself on being closely acquainted with him.”
“The Duke of York? I know he was reinstated recently. I remember that my uncle, Lord Matlock, and Sir Lewis de Bourgh, my aunt’s late husband, were on friendly terms with Gwyllym Wardle, the man who instigated the accusation of adventurous life and adultery against the duke.
There was something about selling commissions for money and allowing his mistress to interfere in army business.
I confess I am not very familiar with the story; I only know what I read in the newspapers.
It all looked like gossip to me, and I restrain myself from expressing an opinion on things I do not know in depth. ”
“I cannot debate the duke’s private life. But I know he is a brave man and an excellent, courageous commander, and he did quite a lot to weed out corruption and jobbery in the army’s administration.”
“I have no reason to argue with that, Mr Wilson.”
“Good. Is your curiosity somewhat satisfied, Mr Darcy? Are you more comfortable now that I have shared some of my secrets with you? I know you still have many doubts and questions.”
“It is enough for now, thank you. I appreciate your honesty.”
“It is I who should thank you for the patience you have shown me. I am certain we shall talk more about all this starting tomorrow—or today, I should say. It is already dawn. This is my address.” Wilson handed Darcy his card.
“Write to me tomorrow morning about the way you prefer to continue our discussion.”