Chapter 6 #2
Distressed and unable to put his thoughts in order, Darcy spent dinner oblivious to almost everything around him.
He could not name the food that was served or the taste of it, and he responded to his aunt and cousins’ inquiries with few words and even less interest. At times, he glanced at Anne, who looked like a shadow at her mother’s side, and wondered what was on her mind.
But he did not take the trouble to give it much consideration as he allowed Elizabeth’s image to fill his head and heart—and nothing else mattered.
Night came as a relief, and in the solitude of his room, he could peacefully think of her.
At least, dreams were his to enjoy without harming anybody—except himself.
∞∞∞
The colonel’s manners were much admired at the Parsonage, and it was generally agreed that he was a lovely addition to Rosings.
Of Mr Darcy, they had little to say, which was not unusual. Maria confessed she barely dared to even look at him, but Mr Collins declared a man with such qualities had no time for small talk and that Lady Catherine appreciated Mr Darcy’s serious mien.
Several days passed, and no word came from Rosings, much to Mr Collins’s despair.
Elizabeth missed neither of the gentlemen. About one, she did not care; on the other, she tried not to dwell. She was tempted to approach Mr Darcy and inquire further about Mr Bingley, but she knew that was not possible. If she happened to meet him alone, she might attempt to bring up the subject.
Until then, she kept to her regular habit, spending time with Charlotte and Maria and taking solitary walks through the park.
For a while, Elizabeth was reluctant to go near Rosings. However, on the third day after the gentlemen’s arrival, she looked for Miss de Bourgh out of curiosity and found her at the usual place and time. Anne was not surprised to see her.
“Miss Bennet—I was wondering about you. Please sit. Are you well, I hope? You look very well.”
“Thank you, Miss de Bourgh. I confess I did not expect to see you here today. I thought you might be in your cousins’ company.”
“Oh…everybody is resting at Rosings. Besides, I do not see my cousins much. Richard is visiting friends in the county; he always has various engagements. I do not know many details. And Fitzwilliam—I believe he studies the estate’s papers.
Mother relies greatly on his advice. He is a very wise man and an excellent landlord. ”
“I am sure he is. Each of us must excel in something.”
“Oh, my cousin excels in many things. Most of his friends count on him for advice.”
“That is good—as long as the advice is sound.”
“It must be; everybody praises Fitzwilliam—his friends, our family, and especially Georgiana. And me, of course.”
“I have heard Miss Darcy is a very accomplished young lady,” Elizabeth offered.
“She is. She plays at the pianoforte exquisitely. And even at her tender age, she has excellent knowledge and skills in everything that is required of a lady. That is to my cousin’s credit too. He is responsible for her education.”
“I have heard Mr Darcy speak very affectionately of his sister.”
“He does. I believe he is the best brother one could have. I would have liked to have a brother. Or a sister. Or at least a friend. Loneliness is difficult.”
“Yes, I imagine,” Elizabeth whispered.
“I wonder how often I shall see my cousins in the future. It is a wonder Fitzwilliam has not married yet, but when he does, my seeing him will depend on his wife.”
Elizabeth looked disconcerted, and Anne smiled sadly.
“Oh, I am not na?ve. I know many young women try to gain his attention. Richard teases him about it all the time. Mother insists he will accept the engagement that she and Aunt Anne established when we were babes—and that he will soon propose to me. But to be honest, I think not even Mother truly believes it. Fitzwilliam will marry when he finds someone to his liking. He can afford to choose, and I hope he will not settle for less.”
“Miss de Bourgh, your care for your cousin is remarkable. Few women would be so sympathetic.”
“Oh, I cannot deny I would like to marry my cousin. But since I know it will never happen, I wish him all happiness. And Georgiana too.”
“You are indeed kind and generous.”
“I deserve no praise. I am only being practical. And I know Fitzwilliam cares for me. He would help me with anything I need, and he will always take care of me. He has told me as much many times, and he always keeps his word. He just will not marry me.”
“But…then why would he allow Lady Catherine to preserve such empty hope? Forgive me for being so bold and perhaps impertinent. I only wonder—since you seem to be so close and affectionate—would it not be better to have everything clear? For your family, I mean.”
“He did tell me. And Mother too, but she says he will reconsider and change his mind. She says he is not a man to neglect his duty. I believe my cousin’s lack of partiality to any particular lady keeps Mother’s hopes alive.
She might reason that, since he is not interested in anyone as his wife, he might well accept me. ”
Elizabeth’s heart ached just as when Charlotte told her she accepted Mr Collins. Without thinking, she put her hand on Anne’s arm.
“Miss de Bourgh, you cannot accept that. You deserve better,” she said abruptly and frowned when her companion turned pale. She struggled to correct her imprudent statement.
“Forgive me…I have no right to give an opinion but…what I mean is that I believe you deserve better than just being accepted by anyone, even if he is the best of men. And forgive me, but I find it hard to understand. I have had the chance to know you better lately, and I know you are a woman with an excellent education, a kind nature, and good character. You possess the means to choose whatever you want in life. You are of age, and you depend on nobody! You also can afford to decide and choose to your liking what is best for you—not what others want!”
Elizabeth knew she had broken all the rules of propriety, and she might well be thrown out of Rosings and even Kent.
Lady Catherine would demand the Collinses never speak to her again, and perhaps Mr Darcy would support such a request. But she felt well…
content…relieved. She at least spoke the truth and did so with complete honesty. What might follow mattered little.
“Miss Bennet, I must return home now,” Anne said hesitantly after a long pause. “I thank you for keeping me company again. You are very kind.”
“I have greatly enjoyed speaking to you, Miss de Bourgh. I wish you all the best.”
They separated, and Elizabeth returned to the Parsonage, occasionally glancing back towards Anne.
She felt troubled after their conversation, and she tried to understand the most disturbing bits.
She knew Miss de Bourgh needed help—more than Elizabeth could provide.
What was she to do? Did she have the right to do anything?
She was nothing to Miss de Bourgh, and her opinion was neither required nor welcome.
She wondered whether she should speak to the colonel—or to Mr Darcy himself—but she quickly dismissed such a notion.
There was nothing to discuss, and she could not relate to anyone that she had private conversations and meetings with Anne de Bourgh.
She felt burdened and disappointed, and late in the evening, she still searched for a solution to a situation she simply should have ignored.
During the next two days, she looked for Miss de Bourgh in the grove, but she was no longer there.
∞∞∞
From the window of his chamber, Darcy stared through the trees towards the Parsonage. It had become his habit in the last days.
He had not met Elizabeth since their visit, but every fibre of his body could sense her closeness.
And he occasionally saw her—from afar. He spotted her with Anne, which greatly surprised him.
A year before, he had discovered Anne’s habit of spending time alone outside during resting hours.
He attempted to talk to his cousin, but she refused to speak of it and ended the conversation abruptly.
This year was the same; after he observed them, he asked Anne how she spent her day, and she pretended she was inside the entire time. So he ceased further inquiry.
Darcy did not fail to notice that his cousin was unwell, and he tried—but failed—to help her.
First, he did not know what was troubling her—besides her usual state of weakness that had lasted for a lifetime.
And second, Anne did not open herself to anyone.
She spoke little, never argued with her mother or anyone else, and never expressed an opinion of her own.
Unlike Georgiana, Anne was not shy. She had just built a wall around herself and hid behind it to find as much protection as she could.
He feared—and Lady Catherine even suggested a few times—that Anne might suffer from the same illness that took his mother’s life.
How would a young woman feel, knowing that she had been ill all that time without any chance of improvement?
How could she allow anyone to know her true self, her true worries, and her true despair?
He also questioned Anne’s illness and insisted on having her seen by other doctors. But Lady Catherine refused any intervention as long as Anne was still under her care.
Darcy knew too well the meaning of such a statement.
And as much as he wanted to do everything for his cousin’s well-being, marrying her only to obey his aunt’s demands was impossible.
It would be of no use to anyone, even if he were willing to accept such a sacrifice.
He cared for his cousin, and his main goal was to see her safe and healthy without entering into a marriage that would bring more unhappiness to everyone.
Therefore, he searched for a reasonable solution that, so far, he had not found.
Could Miss Bennet be the one to pierce Anne’s restraint?