Chapter 12 #2
“So, may I dare clarify this? You proposed to Miss Elizabeth, and she refused you? A country girl, the daughter of a gentleman from Hertfordshire with a small estate was offered the hand of an eligible young man, and she rejected it?”
Darcy did not miss the jest and he was not in the slightest amused. “Yes. During that proposal, I discovered what you have already told me: that my behaviour, which I thought to be clearly in her favour, was interpreted as cold and disdainful.”
“Well, young man, perhaps you have to adjust your manners.”
“I hope you do not intend to educate me, sir,” Darcy responded coldly.
“Not at all, I assure you. However, you must admit that something was wrong in your approach since you made such a poor general impression. We have been talking for only a short while, and I can safely say that the negative accounts I heard about you are not true.”
“I cannot deny that my manners need improvement. I do not possess the talent of making myself agreeable with strangers. I try to behave honourably, and I speak the truth—but nothing more.”
“Darcy, you do not take the trouble of making yourself likeable because you have never needed to do so. I would bet that young ladies compete to gain your attention, no matter how haughty you behave. They are interested more in your situation as a future husband than in your character. I would also bet that you never imagined you might propose to a lady and be rejected.”
Darcy glared at him then moved to the window. “This conversation has become awkward. It is appalling that I should discuss such a delicate matter with anyone, even less with a complete stranger.”
“I agree. But should we not clarify this once and for all? I am in possession of a secret that I never should have discovered. Since I have, would it be best to ignore it or to settle it?”
“What is there to settle? Miss Elizabeth would surely be angry if she were aware of this discussion. But she cannot be angrier with me than she already is, nor can she have a lower opinion on me than she already has—so there is not much danger from that quarter.”
“Of that, I cannot testify since she did not say a word about you.”
“Well, what could she have said in the presence of her sister and friend?”
“Did I understand correctly that you wrote her a letter? I know I am not allowed to inquire further, but we have already passed the edge of decorum in this discussion. And my only excuse is that I am concerned for both Miss Elizabeth’s well-being and your own.”
“Speaking about the letter is the least improper thing that we have discussed,” Darcy admitted.
“I wrote it because I wished to provide enough information to avoid having the Darcy name polluted. I thought I deserved to at least defend myself and offer an explanation for my behaviour, just as Miss Elizabeth deserved to know the truth about a matter in which she had been deceived.”
“I hope you succeeded. I heard there was a friend of yours, a fellow named Bingley, who made a positive impression on the Bennets. Do you have news of him?”
Darcy readily caught the true meaning of the question.
“Bingley has been out of Town for several months, but I expect him to return soon.” Darcy hesitated a moment then continued, looking at his guest. “I hope he will return before Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth depart for Hertfordshire. He would be pleased to meet them again, I am sure.”
“I also hope he returns. I invited them to stay in Town for the rest of the season. Mr Bennet will join us too.”
Distress wrapped Darcy one more time. Would Elizabeth stay in Town for another month? Only a street away from him? He planned to return to Pemberley as soon as possible, but how could he embrace such a plan under the circumstances?
Wilson set down his coffee cup. “I should leave now; it is quite late. I trust we shall see each other often from now on. There is one more issue I need to clarify while I am here. About your father’s will and your decision to ignore it: I am, of course, in no position to demand an explanation or to judge you without knowing all the details.
But I was quite disturbed by the news that George Darcy’s wish remained unfulfilled after his death. ”
Wilson pretended it was not a demand or a judgement, but Darcy felt both of them keenly. The man in front of him assumed he was at fault. He should have called him out without delay.
Instead, he breathed deeply and poured himself another cup of coffee.
“I know not what falsehoods Wickham has spread about me, but I am not ignorant of the fact that people in Meryton believed him—including Miss Elizabeth. To her, I hope things are clearer now that she has read my letter. I would never disregard my father’s will, and I never did. ”
Wilson said nothing, only sipped his coffee while Darcy continued to speak until his entire history with Wickham was revealed to a man he had known only a few hours. With each word, he felt more and relieved, as though a heavy burden was rising from his chest.
“Last year, I crossed paths with him again when he attempted to deceive and hurt someone in my family. The matter is too painful and private to be discussed, but the harm he did, despite my timely intervention, will be hard to overcome. I told him that, if he dared to trouble me ever again, he would have to bear the most severe consequences. So he disappeared for several months—until I discovered him in Meryton, enrolled in the militia. The rest of the story you know.”
When he finished, he felt more heart-lighted than he had in a long while. He filled his glass again then offered to do the same for his guest. But Wilson’s face was dark, his eyes blurred with unrestrained ire.
“So, this pathetic wretch betrayed George’s affection and trust. He deceived his godfather and took advantage of his generosity.
Then he demanded a compensation that he received, returned to ask for more, and when you refused it, he attempted to take revenge against you by slandering your name and character. Do I understand you correctly?”
Darcy smiled bitterly. “Yes, that is an accurate summary, indeed. I confess I would have given him more if I had proof he wished to change his life and study a profession. I wanted him to be successful in memory of my father’s affection. But his behaviour proved otherwise.”
“But, Darcy, why did you not say anything before now?”
“I believed I had no business sharing something so private with the public. I thought his conduct would speak for itself. Besides, I could not risk a disagreement that could have jeopardised my family and my name.”
“So you granted him the freedom to ruin your reputation!” Wilson concluded furiously.
“Perhaps I should have warned people in Meryton about his character, but it is too late now. Besides, who would have believed me over him? Everybody liked Wickham, and—as you said—the general opinion of me was so low that my word was little valued,” Darcy admitted.
“That was your fault! You should have fought more to expose Wickham,” Wilson said with increasing rage.
“You may be right, but it is all in the past now. I am not certain I shall ever return to Meryton.”
“And you intend to peacefully allow Wickham to continue his deceptions?”
“Not quite. I shall think on this matter further. I was disturbed to see how easily even a bright young woman such as Miss Elizabeth fell for his lies. So I must do something to avoid that ever happening again.”
“Yes...we should discuss this more, but not now. It is very late; I shall leave now. I thank you for trusting me with this private information. I can imagine how difficult it must have been for you, and I suspect that tomorrow, when you wake up rested without brandy influencing your mind, you will be outraged by our conversation. But know that there is nobody you can trust more than me. All the loyalty I owed to your father I shall bestow on you.”
“This has been a strange night—a most astonishing one, certainly. I wonder what will happen tomorrow. For now, I realise that I told you everything, and you, sir, told me nothing. You succeeded in discovering all my secrets and betrayed none of your own. You possess dangerous skills to make me speak so openly, Mr Wilson.”
“Darcy, I apologize if you feel that way. It was not my intention, but we needed to settle the things that induced me to barge into your house against every rule of decorum. I shall gladly tell you everything you need to know about me whenever you desire.”
“Will you not tell me anything now—at least enough to remove some of my doubts about you?”
“What would you like to know?”
“Where have you been all this time? And why did you keep your life so secretive from my father who thought he was your best friend?”
“I left as I had no choice. Only your father knew my reason, and I cannot share it with you—or any other living soul. I wandered for a few years; I found a job on a ship, and I travelled on the sea until I forgot the taste of dry land. I sailed around Europe, and then I crossed the ocean to America for the first time.”
“First time?”
“Yes. It happened twice more in the following years. Everywhere I went, I struggled to earn as much money as possible. That was my only goal.”
“My father told me you sent him a significant amount of money several years after your departure.”
“Yes. Some was for my family to help them improve their lives. George delivered it right away, and they moved to Town. The rest was for your grandfather. Since I could not find another way to show my gratitude for his generosity to me, I thought I should at least repay some of his expenses for my education.”
“My grandfather did not want your money, so my father kept it in a safe at Pemberley. He said you might use it to purchase a small estate on your return.”
“Dear Lord…I did not know that…”
“My father waited for you and made plans for your return. He even found some estates that he thought you would like within a short distance of Pemberley. When years passed and he had no news of you, when his doubt about your disappearance was replaced with sad certainty, my father’s sorrow was beyond words.
He needed more than five years to recover after the death of my mother, and losing any trace of his oldest friend was difficult to bear.
How is it possible that you were alive and had too little consideration to write a few words?
I know my reproach sounds harsh, but I believe it is well deserved. ”
“Your reproach would be deserved if I had no reason beyond dishonourable silence. Again, I had no choice. For a while, I was in jail—locked away somewhere in India, unfairly accused of betrayal. When I regained my freedom, the first people I inquired after were your father and my sister. George’s death broke a part of my own soul—already in pieces due to events I cannot even describe. ”
“You were in jail?”
“I was many places and in many situations that caged my freedom, one way or another.”
“Then why did you not return? You said you always had an income. And if you did not have one, you could have asked my father. Why did you persist in staying abroad among strangers when friends were expecting you home?”
“I first needed to accomplish my purpose. I am not certain whether it was a good decision, but it was the one I made back then, and I cannot change it now.”
“Yes—one cannot change the past. We all have wounds to prove that and remind us of decisions—good or bad.”
“True words. The wound on my face reminds me of the many battles I fought, but there are others less easy to see yet equally painful. Anyway, after several years on the sea, I joined the army. I had a good education due to your father and grandfather, acquired knowledge, and a sum of money that helped me buy a commission. Army life suited me quite well for a while. Between 1793 and 1798, I served under Frederick, Duke of York. Until this year, when he deservedly regained his position and his responsibilities, I prided myself on being closely acquainted with him.”
“The Duke of York? I know he was reinstated recently. I remember that my uncle, Lord Matlock, and Sir Lewis de Bourgh, my aunt’s late husband, were on friendly terms with Gwyllym Wardle, the man who instigated the accusation of adventurous life and adultery against the duke.
There was something about selling commissions for money and allowing his mistress to interfere in army business.
I confess I am not very familiar with the story; I only know what I read in the newspapers.
It all looked like gossip to me, and I restrain myself from expressing an opinion on things I do not know in depth. ”
“I cannot debate the duke’s private life. But I know he is a brave man and an excellent, courageous commander, and he did quite a lot to weed out corruption and jobbery in the army’s administration.”
“I have no reason to argue with that, Mr Wilson.”
“Good. Is your curiosity somewhat satisfied, Mr Darcy? Are you more comfortable now that I have shared some of my secrets with you? I know you still have many doubts and questions.”
“It is enough for now, thank you. I appreciate your honesty.”
“It is I who should thank you for the patience you have shown me. I am certain we shall talk more about all this starting tomorrow—or today, I should say. It is already dawn. This is my address.” Wilson handed Darcy his card.
“Write to me tomorrow morning about the way you prefer to continue our discussion.”