Chapter 20
Jonah
Ipause outside my office door, asking myself why the hell I walked down this hallway in the first place. Kicking myself for letting instinct take over.
This room isn’t mine anymore. I doubt Rollick has ordered all my student files and classroom notes be confiscated, but I’m not supposed to be accessing them.
I have no more classes to lead. None of the shadowkind I taught are technically my students now.
I’m just a random human wandering around a school that was never meant for me.
Is Rollick even going to continue calling on me for my sorcerer powers outside of my limited help at the rifts, or have I been taken off that duty too? It didn’t occur to me to ask him, I was so startled to be demoted in the first place.
I waver in the hallway, unsure where I’d want to go instead. The cafeteria is currently bustling with students getting their dinner. After classes, the gym and other workout areas are often occupied.
I can’t even wander into the staff lounge area as if I belong there. The only part of the school I have a stake in now is my own small apartment.
If Rollick’s going to keep me off-duty, I suppose eventually I’ll lose that too. There won’t be any reason for me to return to the Quinn Moody Academy.
As the gloomy thoughts settle over me, a familiar figure creeps down the hall in my direction. At the sight of the shadowkind man’s bristly hair that seems to echo the spikes that jut from his neck, I automatically draw myself straighter.
Larch has been at the school—and in my classes—for nearly a year.
In the past, I’ve offered him one-on-one advice in the office I haven’t dared enter today, trying to guide him through his discomfort with his humanesque appearance and the monstrous features he can’t hide.
We’ve spent hours talking about various locations where he could more easily keep the spikes covered or, alternately, present them as a fashion statement.
There are more options for the former than the latter, naturally, but I like to cover all the bases.
I felt like we’d made progress. Now I’m not sure I’ll get to see where that progress takes him.
“Hey, Teach,” Larch says in his usual tentatively familiar way. He likes putting on the airs of human slang and other playful references but never seems confident that he’s nailing it. “You haven’t been around in a while.”
The nickname sends a fresh jab of shame through the center of me, but I can’t pretend nothing’s changed. It’d be a betrayal of trust to act as if I still have authority over him.
I dip my head, managing a crooked smile. “I’m not a ‘teach’ anymore. Our headmaster has taken me out of that role, at least for now.”
Larch’s eyebrows leap up, but he doesn’t look entirely surprised. “Right! I heard…”
He hesitates. “It’s something to do with that weird being, the chirpy one with the shiny hair, right? Some kind of mark?”
I restrain my hand from rising to the glowing spot that’s become a constant presence under my shirt. Whatever Peri’s up to now, my awareness of her comes with contrasting tickles of contentment, sadness, and determination.
Of course she’ll have found some cause to champion even while she’s supposed to be taking a break.
“It’s not entirely because of that situation,” I say. “I’m part of a team that’s been working on some new developments outside the school. All my focus needs to be there.”
That’s the polite way of looking at my demotion, anyway.
Larch shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “So… are you going to be back at the front of class later, after the special project is done?”
I open my mouth and close it again to gather myself before I can answer. “I don’t know. For now, it’s easiest to assume I won’t. You definitely don’t have to worry about me grading you or anything like that.”
I summon a little wryness into my tone. The shadowkind man’s shoulders ease down.
He offers me a warmer smile than usual. “I’m really sorry. I could tell you liked teaching us a lot—and you helped me so many times. It’s too bad one being throwing her powers at you could mess things up that—”
The words leap from my mouth before I’ve thought them through. “It isn’t because of Peri. She’s made important contributions to the school—and to shadowkind in general. I’d like to see everyone here be more welcoming.”
Larch blinks at me. Is that skepticism in his gaze?
Maybe he thinks I’m only defending Peri because of our supernatural bond.
Then he shakes his head with an apologetic grimace. “Sorry again. I was just trying to say—it’s too bad in general. It seemed like you had a good thing going here.”
I did, but it makes my throat ache to consider acknowledging as much.
All the same, I soften my tone. “The new work I’m doing is a good thing too. I want to pitch in wherever I can be the most useful.”
“Yeah. Okay. That makes sense.” Larch dips his head, looking abruptly more awkward again. “Does that mean I shouldn’t be talking to you at all? Like, if I wanted to check about a disguise or ask about a specific city and see what you think…”
It finally occurs to me that my former student might be more bothered about how my being demoted affects him than how it affects me. A little of the shame pricking at me melts away.
Even if I’m not an authority figure, he still values my guidance—because of what I’ve done for him, not the job I held.
“Of course you can still talk with me,” I reassure him.
“I mean, that’s one of the most human-like things you can do—getting advice from a friend.
You were assigned a phone, weren’t you? I can give you my number, and if there’s anything you want to chat about where you’d rather get the perspective of someone who isn’t on staff, feel free to reach out. ”
Larch’s face brightens. “All right!”
He fishes his phone out of his pocket, and we exchange numbers. Then he pulls up a few pictures he found on the internet of high-collared coats he’s hoping look “rad”—his slang isn’t entirely up to date.
I grin. “Nice style! I think this one would work best. Although if you paired a scarf with that one, it could look pretty cool.”
“Cool,” the shadowkind man repeats. He flashes me a grin in return and starts chattering about a fashion website he discovered that he thinks will help him fit in even better.
When he asks me whether I’ve ever had to worry about what I wear all that much, I find myself admitting to studying fellow teenagers at the mall a decade ago, when I realized my shadowkind guardians weren’t exactly up to date on the norms of human teens either.
Larch heads off with a jauntier stride and a wave good-bye. I return it, caught up in a clashing jumble of emotions.
The jumble breaks with a flicker of panic when Rollick emerges from the shadows just a few steps away.
The demon chuckles and tips his head toward the shadowkind man who just vanished around the corner. “I see you’re still contributing where you can.”
“I—I didn’t realize you’d made it back to the school. I told him right away that I’m not teaching anymore,” I say hastily. “I didn’t even mean to come to my office… Old habits.”
Rollick claps me on the shoulder. “It’s fine. I liked seeing you get friendlier with the beings we’re trying to help. Do you really think you need an official title for them to respect you? I’ve never had one except the titles I’ve given myself.”
I’d point out that he’s also an incredibly powerful demon that all other shadowkind can sense could pulverize them in an instant, which tends to generate a lot of respect all on its own, but I know that’s not the point he’s getting at.
And even if not every student I’ve taught would care about my opinions now, I’d already come to the same conclusion about Larch.
I can’t help balking at his assessment anyway. “I won’t be able to guide him the same way as before.”
“Is the current way necessarily worse? It sounded as if he still shared and listened plenty.” Rollick gives my shoulder a quick squeeze and steps away.
“I have a few things to go over with Shanty and Pearl—I just happened to be passing through the hallway. You’ve really become immersed in this place, haven’t you?
I wouldn’t take it away from you, you know.
No matter what capacity you’re coming here in, you’ll always be welcome. ”
“Oh.” I fumble for my words, my chest constricting. “Well, thank you.”
The demon vanishes into the shadows again, leaving me standing there with a new mix of confusing but gentler emotions churning inside me.
He didn’t sound like he intended to knock me down a peg. He was glad that I’m still talking to the students.
And he’s right that Larch didn’t seem to appreciate our conversation any less. Actually, once the shadowkind student relaxed knowing that we’re on more equal footing, he opened up more than he ever has before.
I might have helped him more in that ten-minute conversation than I did in any of our hour-long office discussions in the past.
My gaze travels along the direction I think Rollick went, a tingle of unexpected exhilaration passing through my veins.
Is it possible that Rollick didn’t relieve me of duty to punish me for my conflicted desires… but to give me bigger opportunities to make a difference?
That’s what the whole mission started as, didn’t it? Putting myself out there against a problem much more urgent than any we’ve been tackling at the academy.
And if I can tackle that problem better when my team sees me as someone working alongside them rather than someone calling the shots, that’s better for all of us.
All I’ve ever wanted is to help shadowkind live alongside humans. Maybe it’s time I paid a little more attention to how I can best coexist with them.