Chapter 28
Periwinkle
When I’ve finished explaining the gist of my plan to the full group in the yard of the fake film set, Drey raises his eyebrows. “You want us to stop the crazy shadowkind who’s going around destroying things… by destroying more things?”
Riva elbows her shadowblood mate. “Hush. It’s not like anything else we’ve tried has gotten us far.”
I twist my hands in front of me. “I don’t want to ruin anything that’s important to the people in the city. I figured we could find an area that’s mostly abandoned, or maybe evacuate the buildings… No one should get really hurt because of us.”
Rollick cocks his head. “I can identify a stretch where all the buildings would be covered by insurance, and we could start there. But clearing the areas out will be a bit of a hassle.”
The demon is the one I most need to convince, the one who’s calling the shots. If he doesn’t believe in this plan, nothing anyone else says will matter.
I gather the confidence that came to me during my talk with Sorsha. “Viscera enjoys destroying things. She’s talked as if it’s expressing herself, making her mark on the world, showing who she is—as strange as that sounds.”
“Strange does as strange is,” Mirage remarks in a wry tone.
I offer him a small smile before turning back to Rollick. “Anyway, we’ve spent all this time attempting to calm her down and stop her. But that’s basically us saying that she isn’t okay the way she is, that we think there’s something wrong with her.”
Hail coughs and raises his hand. “After everything, I for one would like to support that idea.”
Raze lets out a faint growl, but I just roll my eyes. There was no hostility in the winter fae’s comment.
And besides… “That might be true, but she’s not going to like us making her feel deficient. Why should she listen to us, trust us even a little bit, when we’re trying to change her? Trying to make her act the opposite way from what feels right to her?”
Jonah frowns. “So then by dealing out a little destruction ourselves… we make it seem as if we understand?”
I nod eagerly. “When I let out that bit of my darkness, she got all excited. She thought it meant I was on her side. If a bunch of us start smashing up part of the city, it’ll catch her attention.
And hopefully it’ll make her feel like we have the same ideas she does, so she’ll be comfortable enough to join in. ”
“And then we catch her,” Raze says.
“Yes. The main problem has always been getting her in a place where the rest of you can actually reach her. All we need is to create a scenario where she’ll show up.”
Rollick runs a finger across his lips. “You know, that’s a warped enough idea that it just might be exactly what our warped shadowkind needs. Let me put the pieces in motion, and we’ll see if we can’t have our destruction ground ready sometime tomorrow.”
He turns with a beckoning gesture toward his assistants, who scurry after him. He’s already rattling off instructions before they disappear around one of the trailers.
The shadowbloods follow him, probably to see if they can pitch in too. Sorsha salutes us before heading back to her RV with her men.
My own lovers stir around me. An unexpected jolt of panic shoots through me at the thought that they might walk away.
They must pick up on that emotion, because Hail stops in his tracks and Mirage swivels back toward me.
I give them a hesitant smile. “There are some things I’d like to talk about with all of you. I think it’ll be better if we’re all together… Since we are all stuck together, whether I meant that to happen or not.”
Jonah glances around at the other men. His lips curve into a soft smile of his own. “I think we’re all okay with being ‘stuck’ now, Peri. What’s on your mind?”
The shadows draped across the yard between the trailers remind me of how easily other beings could listen in on our conversation. “Is there somewhere we could go that’ll be just the five of us?” What I want to say feels too private for an audience.
“Sure.” Jonah motions for us to join him. “I have the one trailer that’s been my home on the road. No one will bother us in there unless there’s an emergency.”
“Maybe we’ll get a whole twenty-four hours without one,” Hail mutters, but he saunters along with the rest of us without complaint.
Jonah’s trailer is set up like a tiny apartment—not too different from the RV, but all one rectangular room.
A bed fills most of one end, a table and benches the other.
In between, a couple of small dumbbells sit on an exercise mat.
A suitcase that must hold all the clothes he brought with him from the school is tucked in the corner, a book lying next to the neatly made bed, but those are the only real signs that anyone’s actually living here.
It doesn’t really feel homey, but this conversation is about the men around me, not the space we’re occupying.
When we’ve all filed in and Jonah has shut the door behind us, he seeks out my gaze. “What’s on your mind, Peri?”
“We’re going to help with your plan, of course,” Raze puts in, and glowers at the other men as if daring them to argue.
Hail snorts. “A chance to rain a little hell on the city while also completing our mission? How can I resist?”
He says it with a sarcastic edge, but I know he does like the idea at least a bit. Even if he’s changed his mind about Viscera, the resentment he’s carried toward humans isn’t going to vanish in a day.
Mirage shakes himself with a flick of his ears from his hair. “I can make it look as if we’re smashing more than we really are.”
“That’s not a bad idea, but I think it’s the real smashing that’s going to catch Viscera’s interest.” I drag in a deep breath.
“But I didn’t want to talk to you about her.
I wanted to talk about me—you—all of us.
I’ve been so concerned about how you were handling these bonds that I haven’t been handling them very well. ”
Raze’s gruff voice turns gentle. “You haven’t done anything wrong, Peri. You’ve been so patient with us while we were being asses about it.” He shoots his glower specifically toward Hail.
I shake my head. “The thing is, you deserve more than patience. I shouldn’t have treated you like the way you were reacting was a problem.”
I swallow and reach way down to the glimmer of peace I found when I was talking with Sorsha.
“When we’ve felt angry or upset or scared or stressed…
that isn’t a problem. Maybe it’s caused by a problem, but I shouldn’t be trying to be happy or making all of you happy all the time.
That’s not possible… I’m not sure it’d even be good. ”
Mirage reaches out to twirl a lock of my hair. “Hard to know what happy is if you don’t have any other colors for contrast.”
“Exactly.”
I set my hand on Raze’s arm, holding his gaze.
“It was totally okay for you to feel nervous about getting closer to me and worried that you might hurt me. It makes sense that you have awful feelings about the mistakes you made in the past. That’s part of who you are.
I can’t erase that, and I can’t expect you to.
You shouldn’t think it’s wrong. We’ll just make sure there are lots of brighter feelings in the mix too. ”
Raze’s voice gets rougher. “You definitely bring those.”
I turn to Mirage next, taking in the twist of his smile that matches the splash of apprehension trickling through our connection.
“Of course you were hesitant to open up about anything serious when you’ve been through so much pain.
And being scared of getting trapped again is part of what keeps you safe.
I can respect that just as much as I enjoy all the ways you light up our lives. ”
Mirage’s fox ears flick out again, and this time he lets them stay as he strokes the back of his fingers over my cheek. “I don’t bring as much light as you do, Rainbow.”
I beam back at him. “I think you do, just different kinds.”
My attention veers to Jonah, whose stance has become a little awkward. I step toward him and take his hand to twine our fingers together.
When I look up into his eyes, he doesn’t shy from my gaze.
“I shouldn’t have tried to argue with you about how we could be together.
You know what feels right to you, and your conviction has gotten us through a lot of troubles already.
And I won’t try to talk you out of the things you’re insecure about.
I’ll tell you how I see it and give my point of view, but I know no one can be sure and steady all the time, no matter how good you are at being that person. ”
Jonah’s fingers tighten around mine. “I’m glad I’ll have you to hold on to when my confidence starts to waver.”
“Me too.” I bob up on my toes to kiss his cheek and then let him go so I can face the last of my marked men. The one who’s hurled the harshest emotions at me.
Hail stares back at me, his posture rigid. An ache forms in my chest at the taste of uncertainty that laces his instinctive defiance.
Even after everything I’ve said so far, he isn’t totally sure I won’t reject him. Or some part of him, anyway.
“I see now why you were so upset—so upset that you couldn’t help turning on people,” I say softly.
“I should have given you the space to decide whether you could trust me rather than pushing for you to be friendly. Some things you said might have been uncalled for, but there’s nothing wrong with all the anger in you. It just shows how much you care.”
Hail blinks. Then he slips his hand around my elbow and tugs me into a hug, my head tucked under his chin. “I only want to be angry for you from now on, Cream Puff. Never at you.”
I hug him back, but I don’t let him distract me from the point I’m trying to make. “It’d be all right if you are. Because… sometimes I make people angry.”