9. Gardening
CHAPTER 9
GARDENING
(TIFFANY)
My words hang in the air around us and a part of me thinks that I shouldn't have said them, but a bigger part of me is grateful to have voiced them aloud. I was as shocked as Dec was when I kissed him, but I'm glad I did. He's a good kisser and a good friend. I can't help but think about what he would be like as a partner.
He gives me a smile that is equal parts sexy and full of tenderness. "That's good to hear. I can't pretend I wasn't worried earlier."
I want to say more, but I'm pretty sure I've already said too much as it is, so I decide to play it safe. "I'm sorry, Dec. I didn't want you to think that. This food is delicious."
I divert the topic to a much safer one and we spend the rest of our time eating while making small talk and ignoring the big, gray elephant trumpeting loudly in the corner of the room.
"Shall we have a coffee?" Dec asks when we finish eating.
"Sure, that would be nice." I nod and hand him my plate and cutlery when he holds his hand out for it.
I make my way into the living room and take a seat on the sofa. I'm pretty sure this sofa has officially been ruined for me for all time. I'll never be able to look at it again without thinking of Dec fucking me into oblivion.
I quickly spring up from it as the memories come flooding back and choose instead to make my way onto the deck that faces the McLeans' private beach behind their house. I take a seat on one of the outdoor loungers and inhale the fresh, salty breeze, blowing it out slowly.
I'd be lying to myself if I wanted to pretend that I don't want to spend tonight in bed with Dec and I frown out at the beautiful view in front of me wondering what the hell I'm thinking. I rub the skin of my ring finger and a flood of guilt washes over me. How can I want that? Why am I not utterly devastated by the loss of my relationship with Ben? If I get involved with Dec, am I just as bad as he is?
"Here you go, Sexy," Dec says in a voice like warm velvet, pulling me out of my guilt as he slides a cup of coffee across the small table between my chair and the one he's seating himself in now.
The nickname he's used for me for years suddenly sends a shock of arousal straight to my pussy. It does absolutely nothing to untangle the mess of thoughts in my mind right now.
"Thanks."
I pick up the coffee and take a sip. He's made it perfectly, of course. Dec knows all of my favorite things and that's part of what's made him such a good friend over the years.
I don't dare to look at him and choose to continue staring out over the water as I ask the question I'm intensely curious about. "Why did you come to see me today, Dec?"
"I couldn't not come see you, Tiff," he says quietly.
I finally turn to look at him. "Why, though?"
We're back in the dangerous territory that I keep forcing us to tread. I'm certain that the only way forward or to untangle those thoughts I keep having is to make our way through this as scary as it is.
"It wasn't because I wanted to sleep with you." He heaves a deep sigh, and I feel bad that he would think I might be accusing him of this.
Nonetheless, I can't resist teasing him, "You didn't want to sleep with me before today?"
"I didn't say that ," he says with a sexy chuckle. "I said that I didn't come see you because I wanted to sleep with you."
I'm curious about his desires for me and what he told me when we were having sex, but I want him to answer my previous question, so I table this one in my mind to ask after he has.
"So why would you come to see me if it wasn't because you wanted to sleep with me?"
"Can you really not think of a reason why that would be, Tiff?" He raises an eyebrow at me.
I can only think of one, but I want him to be the one to say it, not me.
"I'm sure there are plenty of reasons it could be, but I'm curious why from your perspective."
He takes a sip of his coffee before he sets it aside and turns to look at me. "Because I knew that your heart would have been shattered into a million pieces and I wanted to make sure that all of those pieces would be safely collected up and put back together someday."
I don't think I can breathe as I look into his bright, blue eyes. I have no idea what I expected him to say, but I didn't think that it would be something so completely and utterly full of his clear love for me without him saying outright that he loves me.
"Declan," I whisper, and I wipe a tear from my eye as I do.
I'm overwhelmed by everything. Gramps having a heart attack. Being cheated on. Sleeping with Dec. It's all just so much, but I didn't realize until this very moment how scared I've been. Deep down, I've also been completely and utterly terrified that I would lose not just my fiancé, but also this man who I've loved for just as many years, and a friendship that has meant far more to me than I care to admit.
He comes over to my lounger and I instinctively move over so that there's enough space for him to sit beside me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his embrace.
"Don't cry, Tiff," he says in a husky voice before he kisses my head. "I don't ever want you to cry. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and if I could give that to you, I would."
His words remind me of the other question I had for him, and I rest my head against his chest, listening to the heart beating there as I look out over the water, with the sound of the waves crashing on the shore competing with his rhythmic heartbeat.
"You told me that you've imagined fucking me before." I don't even know how to ask this in a way that isn't awkward, so I just plunge forward. "If you wanted that, why did you stay friends with me when I got together with Ben?"
His heart beats faster in his chest and he sighs softly before responding. "I was friends with you both and I thought you two were forever. All of our families are so close. I figured it was better to pretend I didn't want you and to keep the peace than to try and rock any boats and possibly start some massive shitstorm."
"Like Ben did when he decided to fuck Ashley," I spit with venom, a wave of anger crashing over me unexpectedly.
Dec squeezes me tighter and kisses my head again, it's so sweet and comforting that my anger recedes as fast as the waves in front of us.
"Benjamin Littrell is a fucking idiot. I've watched him slowly lose you over the last decade. I promise I wasn't waiting around for you two to break up." I feel him shake his head above me. "I honestly thought you were going to end up married, with kids, and in a miserable marriage, but it wasn't my place to stop you."
I'm shocked by his assessment of my previous relationship, and I tell him, "I was mostly happy with Ben."
Dec strokes my back with his hand and kisses my head again. "Were you, Tiff? Really? If you say so. I was just judging from the number of times I sat comforting you when we were out while he took off to get high instead of enjoying your company."
His words have an undercurrent of anger that I know aren't directed at me, but I'm annoyed and mildly defensive of my relationship with Ben, so I sit up out of his embrace.
"I think I would know better than you," I say in a cool tone.
Dec holds his hands up in a conciliatory gesture. "Okay. Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you at all."
He looks into my eyes and I deeply regret leaving his embrace. The air is cold without his arms around me and I miss the comforting sound of his heartbeat.
"It's okay. I overreacted. I'm feeling a lot right now."
I place my head back on his chest and cuddle into him, grateful when he wraps his arms around me again.
"It's okay. I know this weekend has been a lot for you. So much has happened. I don't want to push you at all, Tiff. I'm here if you want me but if you're not ready today or ever, that's also totally okay. As I said, I just want you to be happy."
His offer of unconditional love and support is overwhelming. I always felt with Ben as though his love came with strings attached. I don't know what I'm going to do with Dec going forward, but I'm almost certain that I want something .
"Thank you," I murmur around a lump in my throat.
I'm rewarded with another kiss to the top of my head from Dec. I smile and look out at the ocean in front of us as we fall into a comfortable silence. I find myself thinking about the past fourteen years, not just my friendship with Dec, but also my relationship with Ben. Thinking about him sleeping with Ashley is still painful, but somehow it feels slightly less so when I'm wrapped in Dec's arms.
For years, he has been a rock for me. There to comfort me if I was ever upset and Ben wasn't there or was off taking drugs while we were out partying. Is it possible that for years I was simply in a relationship with the wrong man?
I close my eyes and inhale his scent deeply, then slowly let out the breath and allow the peace that I get from being here with Dec to flood through me. I could be bitter and angry right now. I could be crying my eyes out over the betrayal I've experienced from someone I loved with my heart and soul. Or I could allow myself to enjoy what is being offered to me. Peace. Love. Comfort.
I sigh and voice my concerns aloud. "I don't want to ruin our friendship."
The thought of losing Dec is somehow even more terrifying than having lost Ben. To no longer have him in my life would leave me utterly bereft.
"I did warn you that there was no going back," he says seriously, then laughs. "I mean, I'm hardly going to forget what we did. It's going to live in my mind rent free for the rest of my life."
His voice is full of lust, and his heartbeat increases as he talks. A wave of arousal crashes over me and heat floods my cheeks as I remember how good he felt when he was buried deep inside me.
"I mean it when I say that I'm not going to push you for anything you don't want, though, Tiff." He lifts a hand to tilt my chin up to face his and I find myself looking into his beautiful blue eyes. "If I never get to sleep with you again, that's fine. I'll take you any way I can get you. If that means we're nothing more than friends, then that's how it will be."
I can't breathe. His support and desire for me are so intense and written all over his face. I'm overwhelmed by how much I want him and his face is so close to mine that I don't even have time to think it through before I kiss him.
Our lips meet and his body stiffens underneath me before he relaxes and puts his arm back around me to pull me closer to him. I open my mouth and our tongues meet as I move so that I'm on top of him. His cock stiffens under me and my pussy aches with the need to have him inside me again. Instinctively, I grind my pussy against him, hating the layers of clothes that are between us and he breaks our kiss to moan aloud.
"Tiff, oh, fuck." He kisses me again quickly, then shakes his head as if to clear his mind. "Are you sure, Sexy?"
I bite my lip and grind against him again, reveling in the moan he gives as I do. "I won't lie. My mind is a complete mess, but I want this."
"Tiffany," he says with a frown.
I shake my head. "Shhh. I'm a big girl, Dec. Just fuck me and we can worry about tomorrow when it comes."
"You're going to be the death of me, Tiffany Carter," he says with a laugh.
I grab one of his arms and pull it from around me. When I can reach his hand, I take it and place it on my breast.
"Please, Dec."
I find myself begging once again for him to fuck me and I wonder where this has come from. I need him and despite all of my concerns, the need for him to do it is all-consuming once again. I only have about five seconds to wonder this before he strokes his thumb across my breast and I lose all sense of reason.
"Yes," I groan, and he gives me a sexy grin.
"You're so beautiful when you're horny."
He slides his hand down from my breast to the waistband of my pants and slips it into my underwear. I gasp when he finds my clit and pleasure rocks my body. I grip his sturdy shoulders for balance as he skillfully teases me.
"Fuck, yes, Dec," I gasp as my orgasm builds around me.
"Come for me, Sexy," he murmurs. "I want to watch the best sight in the world again."
His words are enough to have me tip over the edge and into the abyss. My orgasm crashes over me like the waves crashing against the shore nearby. Dec continues rubbing my clit as my body shakes and I pant for breath, then he brings his hand around to grab my ass, holding me against his hard cock while he kisses me.
I have to resist the urge to grind against him again, but just enjoy the pressure of his erection against my sensitive clit as he uses his tongue to dance with mine. I lose myself to the enjoyment of just making out with him and the pleasure swirling around us with the anticipation of what's to come.
Eventually, he breaks our kiss, brings his hand back up to my breast and rubs his thumb back and forth across my nipple as he gives me a seductive smile. "Come with me, Sexy."