Chapter Seventeen #2
I wait him out. If he doesn’t want to tell me, that’s fine.
Finally, he speaks, his voice hesitant, “You’ve probably guessed that I’m a shifter?”
He phrases it like a question, so I answer it like one by simply nodding. I don’t want to scare off his desire to talk to me by saying anything out loud, no matter how illogical that sounds.
Seeing my nod, he continues, “Well, if I shift, I lose control, and people get seriously hurt. Seeing you being held like that angered my beast, so much so that it almost triggered my shift. If the guys didn’t know me so well and knew how to keep me calm, I would’ve transformed, and then there’s a very good chance that you all could’ve died,” his voice lowers so much that I’m not sure I’m supposed to hear the next part, “you make me feel protective, and I’m not sure I can risk it. ”
I had to have heard that wrong, but he rides off before I can reply, bypassing all of the others and heading straight through the gate at a canter.
Well fuck. I can see why it was so important to calm him, but I don’t really understand why that meant he wanted to ignore me.
I should probably be terrified of his explanation, but in reality, I’m just not.
Maybe that’s my absolute lack of normal fear response, but he doesn’t scare me.
In fact, the only emotion I’m feeling is complete frustration, and that’s simply because he said all that and still didn’t tell me what he was.
When Reaper canters pass, the rest of them all look back at me questioningly, and I shrug, not sure what to say. Mayhem’s eyes dart between us, and he stops his horse, letting the others follow Reaper as he waits for me.
“Are you okay?” He asks me gently.
I decide to answer him honestly because I know I’m never going to figure it out, and maybe he’ll be able to help me understand. “Yeah, I’m just not sure why he needed to ignore me.”
He really thinks about his answer before he replies, which I appreciate, since it means he’s not just giving me a generic answer.
“He really cares about you. It's easy to see. He doesn’t let anyone get close to him, none of us do. We’ve been a unit for so long that we don’t let anyone else in, and yet here you’ve come along, barely with us for a week, brought our best friend and brother back, and just fit like you’ve always belonged with us.
If he hurt you because he lost control of his beast, it would kill him.
It doesn’t mean that ignoring you is the right thing to do, but he is probably trying to put some distance between you, so his shift isn’t triggered by any sort of threat to you. ”
I think I’m in shock. I swallow down the lump of emotion that’s stuck in my throat thanks to him saying I belong with them. I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere.
“He didn’t have the same reaction when the assassin attacked? He doesn’t when Storm and I go at it,” I ask curiously, despite myself.
“Something has changed between you both since then, he knows you better, and as for Storm, Reaper knows that he would never harm you and that you are never in actual danger no matter how vicious your verbal sparring gets,” he pauses, letting me absorb it all for a second before he adds, “can I ask you a question?”
The curiosity burning in his eyes is a dead giveaway that my answer is important, and it makes me infinitely curious.
“Yeah, sure, go for it,” I reply.
“Are you scared of him now?”
“No,” I reply without hesitation, “not even for a second, and maybe I should be. Maybe I will be later when I really think about it, but I’m not.”
He looks contemplative for a moment as we make our way to the stables, “I had a feeling you were going to say that. Just promise me that you will be careful, his beast is something else entirely, and not even we can calm him when he comes out.”
I nod and then add, my voice sad, “Poor Reaper, that has to be so fucking difficult fighting against a part of you all the fucking time, worrying about what could happen if he can’t keep that control over that part. It must be exhausting.”
Mayhem looks at me, astonished, like he’d never really considered it properly, and guilt quickly follows.
I leave him to it as I dismount Revel and lead him into his stall.
My mind is still stuck on Reaper, so when I come out of the stable block and see him talking to the others, I immediately make my way over to him.
He sees me coming, but it still shocks him when I wrap my arms around his waist. I look up at him as he looks down at me curiously, his arms wrapping around me hesitantly.
“I just wanted you to know that I’m not scared of any part of you. I can’t even begin to imagine how exhausting it must be fighting against a part of yourself, and I think you’re truly amazing, both of you.”
He stills at my words, his eyes widening with astonishment at my acknowledgement and a rumbling purr comes from his chest that seems to shock him as his yellow eyes start to glow slightly.
“My beast liked that you acknowledged him. Little Warrior, that’s the first time he’s not tried to force himself forward or acted in anger.”
My smile widens, and after the emotions, I’ve just shared, I can’t help my snarky reply as I step back, “I’m just that fucking amazing, I guess.”
Loki’s snort of laughter makes me jump as I’d completely forgotten that the others were still near.
“You’re certainly amazing, Darlin’,” Killian agrees, pulling me closer as we all start towards the main building, his tail wraps around my thigh as we walk and it’s done it enough that it doesn’t making walking difficult.
“Where are we off to now?” I ask, ignoring Killian and making him chuckle.
“We need to give our report to the Headmaster. We do it verbally first and then write up a report too,” Rival explains.
“Well, this should be interesting,” I snark.
We get a lot of looks as we walk the halls, and I hadn’t really considered what we looked like until we got here.
We’re dishevelled, dirty, and no doubt looking tired as hell.
Eventually, we get to the Headmaster’s office, and this time we’re shown right into his private office, although the receptionist gives our attire a disdainful look.
The first thing I notice is the smarmy and proud smile on his face, which immediately falls as his eyes land on Reaper and me. Seriously, what is that all about?