Chapter 18 #2
“Sabrina.” He spoke her name like a warning.
But who was he trying to caution? Her? Or himself?
Definitely me, she decided, regaining her senses and realizing the unambiguous boundary she’d crossed.
He’d been very clear about what he felt for her. And what he didn’t.
Shame at having taken advantage of his comfort rolled through her, burning and bright.
What are you doing? A voice of reason screamed in her head. Do you want to ruin everything you’ve found here at BKI? The trust and friendship you’ve built with Hew?
Her heart suddenly felt fiery and full, a hot air balloon threatening to rise out of her chest.
You fool!
You idiot!
You absolute asshole!
She pulled her mouth from his throat and jumped up with a blurted, “Sorry! I have to pee.”
“Uh…”
She didn’t look back as she raced for the bathroom. But she knew he stood from the bed. She heard the mattress springs squeak.
“Sabrina.” He said her name with such softness, in that Mainer accent that would always bring to mind lobster boats, winter boots, and maple syrup.
She was almost to the door of her ensuite, almost to freedom. But she forced herself to turn and face him.
She’d already proven she was a boundary-crossing jerk. She couldn’t add coward to the list of her sins.
She blinked in astonishment when she realized he’d followed her across the room. The man could move with a quiet precision that was disconcerting to the layperson. And when she tilted her chin back to look at him, she found the light that always lived in his eyes had flared into a flame.
She quickly dropped her gaze to that delicious divot in his throat. She couldn’t stand to look at him directly.
It was like looking at the sun. He was too bright. Too beautiful.
“I’m hungry,” she whispered hoarsely, grabbing the first thing she could think of to distract him from what she’d just done. “Do you think Eliza baked this morning?”
She felt his hesitation more than she saw it. Then she saw it when he slipped his fingers into his hip pockets and rocked back on his heels.
Holding her breath, she waited for him to call her out for the line she’d crossed. Waited for him to say out loud what he’d been silently saying for months.
She blew out a shaky breath when, instead, he took pity on her and said only, “Want me to run down and check?”
“Would you? I need sustenance before I face everyone.”
She chanced a glance at his face and saw the speculation in his eyes. There were questions there. Questions she wasn’t ready to answer. Thankfully, in the end, he didn’t push.
That wasn’t his way.
“Ayuh. I’ll see what I can scrounge up.” He turned on his heel and headed for the door.
She watched his retreat. Watched the easy way he moved. The breadth of his shoulders, the narrowness of his waist, and the hard, round bulge of his glutes in those black fatigues.
Stop ogling the poor man, Sabrina! the voice of reason scolded. Haven’t you done enough to the poor man?
Right, she thought with a determined dip of her chin. No more ogling. No more stolen kisses. No more trying to force something that isn’t there.
After she relieved herself, she washed her hands and made the mistake of glancing into the mirror above the sink.
Holy shit.
Her waterproof mascara had not lived up to its advertisement. The bruise on her face was a kaleidoscope of colors. And the cut on her cheek had a thick, untidy scab.
And don’t even get me started on my hair.
She might need to borrow Boss’s clippers. The only solution to her rat’s nest might be a buzz cut.
Turning on her shower, she waited for the water to heat and steam to fog the glass before slipping out of her filthy clothes. Her nose wrinkled when she smelled what twenty-four hours of sweat, grime, and fear had left on her.
No wonder Hew wanted nothing to do with me, she thought as she pushed her clothes into the corner, determined to burn them in the fire pit the first chance she got.
That pesky voice of reason piped up again.
It really was incredibly annoying.
That had nothing to do with the way you smell, Sabrina. And everything to do with the fact that he spent months making his intentions clear and still you had to push it.
“Ugh,” she grumbled as she stepped into the shower. “What an absolute asshole I turned out to—”
A knock had her poking her head through the glass door. “Yeah?” she called above the loud shush of the water spraying against the tiles.
“You’re in luck,” came Hew’s voice, smooth and deep. “Eliza whipped up those cream Danishes ya like. I snagged the last two. And I brought up a mug of coffee. Full of milk, just like ya like it.”
Full of milk because the coffee at Black Knights Inc. was strong enough to wake up her ancestors if she didn’t dilute it by half. And…just like you like it.
Lord, the man was a dream. She’d molested him, ogled him, ran from him so he wouldn’t say aloud the words she didn’t want to hear. And still he treated her like a queen.
Or, better yet, like a friend.
“I don’t deserve you!” she shouted.
When he didn’t respond, her earlier shame and embarrassment increased tenfold. She had created this awkwardness between them.
“Just leave it on the dresser!” she yelled, wanting to fill the void and also wanting to shoo him away so she could suffer in silence and solitude. “And thank you!”
Again, no answer.
Not that she expected one.
Closing her eyes, she tipped her head under the hot spray and hoped it would wash away the memory of how good he’d felt against her. How good he’d tasted on her tongue.
It was a losing battle, of course. What she’d felt in Hew’s arms wasn’t something that could be sent down the drain. It wasn’t just friendship or comfort. It wasn’t even passion or lust.
It was love.
She loved him.
She was in love with him.
And god help her.