Chapter Eight
SEBASTIAN
Simon’s limp in my arms, looking so wrecked, so perfectly debauched, I want to take a picture of him and save this memory forever. I’ve never seen anything hotter than his hair in a mess, his wet lashes, and his swollen lips.
Looking at him, at the aftereffects of what I did to him, I can barely breathe. I didn’t realize how much I needed this until I finally had it.
The tears. The marks. The swollen lips. I can’t get past those lips, knowing they’re swollen and bee-stung because of me. Then there's the skin on his ass, which I can’t see right now, but I know is bright red, thanks to my hand.
I’m high from how good it felt to let myself off the leash for the first time. But also disappointed and pissed off. Before, I didn’t know what I was missing, not even after that young man who had been “gifted” to me at my friend’s club. I do now.
My hand comes to my mouth, which is when I remember there’s still cum on my fingers. For someone who prides himself on always being in control, the ride I’m on right now excites and terrifies me.
I keep my arm around him, but I step back to give us both some breathing room. Before we go any further, there are things we need to discuss.
“I made a mistake.”
Simon’s face changes. His sleepy-looking eyes go wide and then narrow rapidly, and his jaw firms. I’m once again staring at the suspicious man who argued with me in front of the restaurant earlier.
He seems to realize I’ve still got my arms around him all at once. He shoves me with both hands, making me stumble. I may have size on him, but he’s strong.
“A mistake because you dirtied yourself by fucking a whore? Right. I get it.” He busies himself gathering his clothing. His movements are jerky and stiff, and there is nothing like his easy and unconcerned manner when he was getting dressed after I caught him with Tony.
“Simon, stop. That’s not what I meant.”
His neck flushes scarlet as he jams a foot into his pants.
“You know, I’ve had plenty of guys tell me they ‘don’t usually do this sort of thing,’ but then they go ahead and call back for round two.
And I’ve never let anyone make me feel shitty about what I do, but boy, you’ve got some real skills in that department.
I know you’ve got your champagne divorce problems and all, so don’t worry.
I won’t tell anyone I was here. Consider it a pity fuck, given all the trauma you’ve been through. ”
Dammit. Here I was concerned about harming him physically. My careless words seem to have done something worse. I think I’d rather wrestle a porcupine than have this conversation.
“Stop,” I say again. “That isn’t at all what I meant. Just listen.”
He gets his other foot tangled in the leg of the pants and topples sideways. I reach out and grab him before he can hit the front door.
“Simon. Please.”
His struggling stops. “Fine. I’m listening.”
It’s probably because he can’t get his clothes on fast enough, but I’ll take it.
His hands drop, and he stands before me with one leg in his slacks and one leg out, his still-damp shirt balled in one fist, and his chest heaving as if he’s just had a hard workout. I’d be bleeding on the floor right now if looks could kill.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so turned on.
I reach forward and run a hand over his shoulder and down his arm. Slowly. After all, he’s skittish.
“This is about me. When I married Tony, we were both eighteen. We had a friends-with-benefits relationship, which I thought was satisfactory. Clearly it wasn’t since he had no qualms about cheating, and I had none about telling him to leave when he did.
I knew I enjoyed rougher play in bed, and we tried to compromise.
It didn’t go well. The mistake…” I take a breath.
He doesn’t say anything, but the anger on his face softens. So I continue.
“I didn’t realize what I was missing. Not entirely. And I didn’t mean to be so rough with you. We didn’t discuss limits or a safe word. If you walked into a police station right now, they’d want to know who assaulted you. I…took things too far.”
Worse, I wanted to take them farther. Further?
I’m too turned around right now to think.
Still inside out with want. I can’t stop thinking about how much I enjoyed his tears and his choking on my fingers.
I like knowing all those reddened bite marks on him will turn to bruises that he’ll see in the morning a little too much.
Before I can say more, I clear my throat and shut my mouth. It’s not like me to feel uncertain. This territory, even for me, feels uncharted. I hate it.
“Hang on.”
Simon puts one hand out, palm against my chest. I’m still stiff and turned on, and that simple touch puts my pulse into overdrive. Thank goodness I’m too young for a heart attack.
At least, I hope so.
Simon licks his lips, and a small smile forms. “You think you took things too far?”
Right now, I’m not sure what I think about anything. “A friend of mine owns a kink club. He’s always talking about the importance of negotiating beforehand.”
Simon chuckles, his still-damp eyes lit with humor. He steps out of his pants and comes toward me, close enough that if he took one more step, he’d brush against my cock, which is still tenting my pants.
“We did, Sebastian. Remember the car?”
Remembering the things I told him I wanted to do to him sends electricity through every nerve ending. “Of course.”
He presses his lips against mine. I can’t hold back the groan as I push my tongue into his mouth. Or the gasp after he sinks his teeth into my lip. Hard.
“What the hell was that?”
“I bit you. Thought maybe it would help if I hurt you back a little. Returned the favor, you know?” He grins.
My hand comes to my lip as I wonder if I’ve ever been at a loss for words before now.
Simon bats his wet lashes. “What you did was intense, yes. I fucking loved it. And we did negotiate. You laid it all out in gloriously filthy fucking detail in the restaurant parking lot, remember? When you told me what you wanted to do to me in your car, and I basically told you to bring it the fuck on, that was me giving consent. And unless you’re a huge gaping asshole, you would’ve stopped if I’d said so, right? ”
I nod. Of course I would have. “Plenty of people have called me an asshole. You’re right, though. I don’t get any enjoyment out of sex when the other party isn’t enjoying themselves also.”
“Right. So. You don’t realize it, but you checked in. Repeatedly. Every time you threatened to stop, every time I did the thing you asked of me rather than have you take your hand off my dick, that was you giving me an out and me saying ‘fuck yes, keep going.’”
Simon rubs his palm against the side of my neck. It’s a simple but strangely intimate gesture. I can’t remember anyone touching me that way before.
“Someone’s got natural domination instincts,” he whispers in my ear. “Or maybe you just knew how to read me. Either way, you played my body like a fucking fiddle.”
My grip around him tightens. The praise makes my chest swell.
“Look, plenty of guys like to get rough in my line of work. I don’t mind, but not many of them actually care much about me feeling good. I never once came when your husband fucked me, you know? I don’t think he cared.”
I can’t hold back my satisfied rumble. Simon never came when Tony fucked him, but for me, he was moaning and writhing so hard when he shot into my hand that he could barely stay standing. I’m sure I’m not supposed to feel like I’ve won something, but I do.
My hand is on autopilot. My thumb brushes at the wet trails going down his cheeks. His breath catches, and my body responds with a wild beating in my chest.
“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” I murmur. I didn’t mean to, but knowing I did stirs up a truly perverse satisfaction.
A dark fear niggles at the back of my head, a voice telling me to turn back before I do something I can’t undo, but right now, I’m too caught up in this man in front of me.
My sperm donor was a violent man. Knowing how good it felt to hurt someone and how I want to keep doing it…
there’s a slithering unease under my skin.
What does it make me if I enjoy hurting someone the way he would have? I saw him hit my mother once. The bastard probably would have been proud of what I just did.
“I wanted to ruin you,” I confess.
Whether I mean ruining Simon for any other man, or just in general, I’m not sure. Both, I think.
He clears his throat. “Hmm. Well.” Simon’s fingers slide between the top buttons of my shirt, popping them open. He undoes the next one and then the next one before continuing. “Lucky for you, I’m excellent at fulfilling fantasies.”
Okay then.
“Besides—” He gives my arm a playful shove. “—you promised me more than one orgasm. You got anyplace to be, Daddy?”
I do. I should get back to the office. We got nothing from Cam about his abduction, and I need to find some other way to keep my company from losing clients.
But I’ve managed to terrify half the staff this past week, and I can’t think of anything that must be done tonight.
Or that someone else can’t handle in my absence.
Besides, I’m not ready to stop touching Simon. Not yet.
“Daddy? I’m not much older than you.” I examine him through narrowed eyelids. He has a lot of wisdom in his eyes, but that grinning face will probably have trouble buying alcohol for years to come.
“I’ll be twenty-two next month.”
“Well, I’m twenty-five. Hardly daddy material.”
“Daddy’s a state of mind. Besides, twenty-five is practically ancient.”
I let out a growl. “Anyone ever tell you you’re a brat?”
He feigns shock. “Oh no, Daddy. I’ve been so, so bad. It sounds like I’m going to need punishment. You’d probably better spank me again.”
Later, I’m sure I’ll have second and third thoughts about how goddamn good it feels to have Simon fall into this role for me. But not now.
Now, I’ve got other ideas. “Or maybe I need to plug your mouth with my cock.”
“You know what I think?”
“I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”
“I think we should do what you said back at the restaurant. Let’s go and make a mess of that bed you caught your husband cheating on you in. Fuck all your frustrations out on my face.”
“That sounds a little bit twisted.” I’m already on board.
Simon’s answering grin is wicked, and I want everything he’s promising right now.
“You’ll have to catch me first,” he says. Then he takes off down the hall.
I shake my head. Then I chase him down.