Chapter Seventeen #2
I shake the memory away. “Says the guy who fucked me while beating me with a belt.” Okay, I didn’t mean to say that part out loud.
A receptionist behind the desk pretends to be immersed in whatever she’s typing. Her face is red, though, and her eyebrows are about to disappear into her hair.
Sebastian opens his mouth to answer, but we’re called back.
I can’t take my eyes off him as he explains what happened to the vet.
He cradles the emaciated pup while the tech takes vitals, especially while he signs the consent paperwork to pay for treatment.
I don’t see the number on the paper, but I’ve spent enough time in animal rescue to know treating this dog won’t be cheap.
Just looking at the poor thing, it will need calories, hydration, X-rays, and possibly surgery.
Saved after getting hit by a car. That’s more or less how Brennan found me, so this whole thing is hitting too close to home.
“You ready to go?”
I blink. “What?”
I must have zoned out. It’s only Sebastian and me in the room now. The vet is gone. The tech is gone. So is the dog. He’s gesturing to the door.
“They’re going to feed him and take X-rays. They’ll call me when they know more.”
The room around me is empty and sterile now that the dog and doctor are gone. Nothing but a stainless-steel exam table and two chairs. Leaving this room means leaving Sebastian, though. No, I’m not sure I’m ready.
Will you ever be?
No.
Things get awkward when we hit the parking lot—not precisely awkward. Sebastian’s heated gaze tells me we’re both thinking the same thing but can’t go there. I can’t go there.
“Let me give you a ride.”
I gesture over my shoulder. “I drove here.”
He nods. “We’re both covered in mud. I have an excellent shower.”
“I can’t.” It takes everything in me to put space between us, but I manage a few steps back. “I can’t see you again, Sebastian.”
I’m a liar, and lying this hard hurts my chest. I want to go home with him, get warm and showered, and crawl into his bed so badly. I want to eat pizza together and play video games with his neighbor. But this is no fairy tale, and I can’t let myself think about happy endings.
“Simon. The divorce is a matter of time.”
“It’s not about that.” Okay, it’s at least partly about that. “It’s about you being you, and me being me, and there being no point in continuing this shit whatsoever.”
“What about the fact that we enjoy each other’s company?”
What about the fact that I’m already catching feelings, and when you let me down, I won’t survive?
“I have a job that barely pays above minimum wage. I have volunteer work. I am studying for my nursing certification, and when I pass, I’ll most likely move to a bigger city with more jobs and better pay.
By the way, I also fuck guys for money. There’s no world where I have time for a relationship, even if it would work out between us. ”
“And you think it wouldn’t.”
“We both know you’re only fucking me as some power trip because I was in bed with Tony, right?”
Sebastian’s jaw hardens. “No. I don’t know.”
“Even so, how do you and I make sense? Outside of bed, I mean.”
His eyes look like they’re pleading. His lips don’t move.
“That’s what I thought.” There’s a burning in my throat as I swallow down the urge to say more. To take back what I just said.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out. As predicted, the assisted living home is pulling in anyone who can help before the storm.
I hold up my phone. “I gotta go to work. The county has issued an evacuation order for the elderly and infirm. They need help preparing patients for transport.”
Sebastian frowns. “What about you?”
“I’m not elderly or infirm.”
“We’re on the coast, Simon. If they issue evacuation orders for the elderly, they will probably issue orders for everyone else.”
Yeah, that’s often how it happens. A few days before the storm is due to make landfall, they tell all older people to haul ass. Then the folks living in mobile structures. Then everyone else, or at least everyone close to the coast. Doing it in waves like that is supposed to help with traffic.
Given how the town looked dead these last few days, some folks already packed up. Some die-hard locals probably won’t go even if they’re ordered to.
I shrug. “I don’t live near shore. If I need to I can stay with Brennan. He’s already babysitting my cat.”
Sebastian nods. My phone buzzes again. He’s got his fists clenched and looks like he wants to say something more. Part of me wants to know what it is, but I really do have to go.
“Look,” I say, “I mean it. I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Too messy, you know?”
He’s entirely too still. Both of us are soaked as rain pours over us. I’m shivering, but Sebastian’s standing like a statue, with only that muscle in his jaw ticking.
“I don’t want to leave you. I don’t think you really want me to.”
“This is what I want.” It’s not. It’s not at all what I want. It’s what I need.
He nods again. “Then I’ll respect your wishes. Goodbye, Simon.”
He turns to go, and I’m left standing there, hating that getting exactly what I asked for feels so much like dying.
It’s for the best, though, it really is. As much as this hurts now, how much would it hurt later when he decided I wasn’t worth keeping around? Love and I don’t have a promising track record.
It isn’t until Sebastian pulls out of the parking lot that I finally force my soggy ass back into my car. Another text comes through on my phone.
Brennan: Hey man need an answer on the boyfriend gig—one week. Good money.
I don’t usually do boyfriend experiences. They’re more personal time than I can commit to. And have I mentioned I don’t want to?
Something tells me I won’t be a great boyfriend while I’m bleeding from a wound nobody else can see.
Simon: A week is a lot. Ask Michael. He’s good at those.
Brennan: Michael’s booked. Trust me, you want to say yes.
Fuuuuck. I do not have the energy for this. Just thinking about it makes my head feel like it weighs a thousand pounds.
Simon: I need to study for my exams, and I don’t have anyone to care for Penelope.
The trouble is, it’s not easy to say no to the man I owe everything to.
Brennan: Dude says he works during the day. You can study while he’s gone. I’m already babysitting your feisty little princess. Won’t hurt her to stay longer. Come on, man. This gig will cover a massive chunk of what you owe me.
My stomach twists. I look toward the entrance of the vet clinic’s parking lot. Sebastian is long gone, and my chest is still burning, even though I know telling him to leave was the right thing.
I reread the end of Brennan’s last message. This gig will cover a massive chunk of what you owe me.
Maybe spending a week with someone else is what I need. Perhaps it’ll help me get my mind off things.
Or it’ll be a massive fucking disaster.
Fine, I type back to Brennan. I’ll do it.