Chapter Thirty-One
SIMON
I’m still recovering in Sebastian’s bed when I send the text to Brennan.
I quit.
I start to send the same text to my supervisor at the assisted living facility, and then at the last second I erase the whole thing and change it to I need a couple of weeks off due to a family emergency. If you need to fire me I understand.
There. I’d rather have a chance to go back and at least say goodbye to the patients and folks I’ve worked with before I’m out of here for good, but we’ll see. I need to get my nursing certification, and then my brother, Penelope, and I can go anywhere that isn’t Belle Argo.
After all this time, surely Brennan trusts me to finish paying the money I owe him. All I know is, I can’t continue the life I was living.
I know what Sebastian said about us being together, but everything that went down was way too much. Especially after what he did to Tony. We haven’t talked much, but he’s got to be angry. Furious.
He got me away from the farm right before the feds descended. Then he insisted on bringing me back to his place. It’s been two days of recovering from exhaustion and dehydration, but I need to go home. Figure out my life. Check on my cat.
First, though, I really need a shower.
“Where are you going?” His voice stops me in the middle of easing out of bed. I’m wearing nothing but my boxers, and the air conditioning is going full blast, causing chill bumps to pop up all over my body.
Only because I’m cold, and definitely for no other reason like the sound of Sebastian speaking in what I’ve come to think of as his sex voice.
“Shower,” I manage. After a couple of days of disuse, my voice is scratchy.
He smiles slightly. “You want company?”
“I was thinking…” I cough. Why is it so hard to say the words? “I was thinking it might be time for me to get going.”
Sebastian looks at me with one raised eyebrow. He doesn’t look pissed so much as sad. Honestly, I don’t know what to do with Sebastian Pierce looking sad.
He leans against the doorjamb. Anyone who didn’t know him would call his pose casual, but I can see the lines of tension running through his body. The twitch of his fingers.
Instead he says, “Is that what you want?”
Fuck. Me. Honestly, the idea of it makes me feel like screaming. But… “Tony is dead because of me. You shot him because of me.”
He sighs quietly and comes forward. Hands in the pockets of his charcoal gray slacks, shirt untucked. Hair disheveled. The sort of way someone might look at the end of a long day. When he stops a foot away from me I can see the dark circles under his eyes and the tight press of his lips.
To see Sebastian Pierce exhausted honestly pains me. It’s all I can do not to reach out and touch his face. His hands twitch as if maybe he wants to do the same to me.
But he doesn’t.
“Tony is dead because of Tony,” he says.
“But I—”
“Stop.” It’s a command. Quiet, but still a command.
He runs a tired hand over his face. “I’m not saying I’m not conflicted, but, Simon, I wasn’t going to let him harm you. I couldn’t have survived that.”
I open my mouth, but I can’t seem to find the right words. He wouldn’t have survived losing me?
My throat burns.
Sebastian reaches out, and this time he does touch me. A light caress over my cheekbone and my jaw that’s over before it began.
“I meant what I said, Simon. I want to keep you. What’s more, I don’t want anyone else to have you. But I’m not my father. I won’t hold you against your will.”
“I never thought you would.” Suddenly, my vision is awfully blurry.
“I blackmailed you, Simon.”
Maybe it’s fucked up, but I find myself smiling. “Turns out I didn’t mind it so much.”
Tell him you’re in love with him. Tell him you want to stay.
I open my mouth, but it’s nothing but air. Why is it so hard to say?
“I love you too, Simon.”
“You—what?”
Before I can figure out what just happened, he gives me a sad smile and leaves the room.
I’m banging my forehead on the door and chanting “Idiot, idiot” when my brother finds me.
“I’m not the one who’s a nurse, but I’m sure that’s not good for you.”
I turn to find him munching a granola bar with one hand and holding Penelope’s kitty backpack in the other. My cat is making the sort of inhuman noises that suggest she’s trying to summon a demon. Or she’s been possessed by one.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
He looks around. “We live here now. I mean, not here-here, but Sebastian said I could take the guest room.”
“Right, but…” What the hell happened while I was sleeping?
“Sebastian said your apartment was a piece of you know what and it wasn’t safe for anyone to live there. He’s sending movers to pack up the rest of your things.”
“Still can’t swear, can you?”
Gabe’s face turns tomato red. “It feels wrong.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll get there.” Ask me how I fucking know. “But, Gabe. We can’t stay. I’m supposed to be moving soon.”
Except that doesn’t sound right anymore. The euphoric excitement I used to feel when I thought of sailing off into a new adventure has been replaced by a heavy pit in my stomach.
My brother gives me an unbelievably put-upon sigh.
“Sebastian said you’d be stubborn. He also said the two of you had some things to work out, but it would be easier to do if you were both in the same place.
And aside from him being crazy in love with you, this place is so much nicer than yours.
Did you know there’s a pool on the roof? ”
My phone buzzes in my hand.
PJ: Brennan said someone tied you up and tossed you in a van. You okay?
Dean: I had a client ask me to do that once.
PJ: Did this have to do with the people who’ve gone missing lately?
Brennan: Fuck you, Simon. You can’t quit. You’re fired. BTW your debt’s been paid.
Oh.
I’ll have to respond to all of that later.
I look at Gabe. “Do you think it’s messed up that Sebastian was just married, like, fifteen minutes ago?”
“To a guy who did him worse than creamed spinach. When Sebastian had a choice, he chose you. Doesn’t seem like he’s exactly pining, you know?”
“What the fuck does all that have to do with creamed spinach?”
“Creamed spinach is disgusting.” After a particularly threatening yowl, he sets Penelope’s carrier down and lets her out. She stretches her legs dramatically and then hops out of the bedroom.
“Besides, when things got real, Sebastian ran toward you. He grabbed a gun and charged on in, which was actually weirdly attractive, by the way. I mean, I knew I liked guys because I had to hold the drool in when Hen Whittaker at the feed shop stripped down to his undershirt in the summer weather, but that was something else.”
“Say that again and I’ll tape your mouth shut.”
Gabe laughs. “See, you want him all for yourself. Which means we shouldn’t leave. And you like Belle Argo, even though you keep saying you don’t. You like that place you and your fellow sex workers—”
“Whores.”
“—go to brunch where they know your order on sight, and you like that assisted living place where you work, and the animal shelter you volunteer at. Even I can see you’ve got a whole life here already. Plus, this place is so close to the beach.”
All good points. There’s one thing still bothering me. “He’s crazy rich. It wouldn’t feel equal.”
“Simon, if he thought you were greedy, we wouldn’t be here.
By the way, you know when we were growing up and they taught us how money and possessions were corrupting and evil?
I finally realized they only said that so we wouldn’t complain about not having enough food.
There’s no actual prize for suffering. If there is, I don’t want it. Do you?”
Awfully wise for his age, my little brother. “Probably not.”
“Good. So then can’t we just stay here and be happy?”