Chapter 16 #2
“I’m fine,” I lied, trying to defuse the bomb that was about to detonate in front of me. “I’m just worried… about you. Jackson is extremely jealous.”
I’d seen Max angry before. I’d seen him jealous, stubborn, possessive even, but this was something else.
“You’re not fine.” His voice was steady. Then a silent resolve hit him. “I’ll handle it.”
“Max—”
“If he comes near you again, I’ll kill him.”
He didn’t mean it. Right? At least, I told myself he didn’t, but the look in his eyes said otherwise. There was no bluff in his voice. The air left my lungs.
“Your daddy is not a good guy, Mackenzie. But we just ignore the things he does. When the time comes, we’ll escape,” my Mom’s voice echoed in my head.
“Max… come on, I’m serious,” I laughed nervously. “You just can’t go around killing people. That’s insane. Jackson is… something is wrong with him.”
His eyes snapped to mine. He was hurt and furious.
“It’s not insane. When it comes to you? I’ll do whatever it takes. I…” He shook his head, closing his eyes and looking up at the sky. I didn’t say anything back. I mean, what would I say?
He picked up my hesitation and said, “You think I won’t end someone for putting their hands on you? For looking at you wrong? I’d fucking rip out my spine before I let anyone hurt you.”
I was seeing the man he was becoming. He was no longer the nerdy boy who liked archery bows and video games.
He wasn’t the boy who tripped over his shoelaces and blushed when I caught him staring.
That boy had grown up. He was turning into a full-fledged protector before my eyes, territorial and possessive.
And he definitely was not part of any game.
A part of me craved it, this side of Max. I liked knowing that I could drag him into the dark with me, and instead of shrinking back, he’d bare his teeth and follow.
I wanted to tell him the truth. I knew now that he could handle it.
But I just couldn’t. I hated having to keep it from him. I looked around us. We were standing in the middle of the field, no one around. Not even the trees. Were we being watched right now?
Maybe I could whisper it to him. I opened my mouth to tell him, but held it back.
“You don’t have to destroy yourself for me,” I whispered, stepping closer to him. “I like your spine.”
A small smile crept on his lips, and he said, “I’d do anything for you. You know that, right?”
I felt everything inside me start to unravel. The grief. The fear. The need. The truth I didn’t want to say out loud. But it lived in every look between us.
“You shouldn’t have to deal with this bullshit alone,” he added. “I’m here for you. With you. Whatever you need. I’m here.”
“I didn’t say I wanted to deal with it alone,” I said quietly. “I want to deal with it with you. I like doing this with you.”
His eyes searched mine, and he grabbed me by the waist.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.” I smiled.
“What else do you like doing with me?”
“Oh, I don’t know. We haven’t done it yet. But I think when we do, it will be my new favorite thing.”
He hesitated and then said, “I want you. Like, I really want you. For real.”
My father’s voice suddenly echoed in my head, “They’re always fucking watching, Emily! Always! You and Mackenzie will never be safe.”
I started to pull away. I couldn’t do this. I wanted it so badly, but now that he had said it, I was panicking. I was putting a target on his back. Nurse Campbell’s voice was in my head, Jackson’s words were in my head, and I was terrified of who was watching us.
My brain wasn’t in sync with my heart. I couldn’t get my stupid mouth to stop, and God damnit, I hated the look on his face right now as I pulled away.
“I can’t… Max, I’m sorry.”
He let go of me and took a few steps back. His reaction was not what I had expected.
“I’m tired of you playing with me, Trouble.”
“Max—I’m not. What’s wrong?”
He huffed out a breath in frustration and stepped away from me.
“Do you even hear yourself? You kiss me, you tease me, you sleep with me, you tell me you want to fuck me, and that’s a big fucking deal to me.
I finger you. We make out. And then you turn right around and tell me you want to use me to fuck with Jackson, that this isn’t real, that you can’t be with me. ”
I lifted my chin, matching his fire. “You were aware of the terms when we agreed to this fake relationship.”
“Fuck the terms.”
His voice was stern, high-pitched, not at all like him. He was screaming… at me. I don’t think he had ever raised his voice at me before. We had gotten in fights, sure, but not like this.
Fury shook through me. “Don’t scream at me.”
“I’m sorry, Trouble. I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m so fucking obsessed with you, I feel like I can’t get a grip. FUCK!” He ripped at his hair, pacing.
I stepped closer, letting my finger trace a deliberate line down his chest. “We agreed to this game… we agreed…”
“I already told you I’m not fucking playing a game. Jackson is threatening to kill you. He’s threatening to kill me. We’re past whatever the fuck this is, Mackenzie. We’re past all of that. This is fucking real now. We’re real now.”
“I know it’s real…” I hesitated. He was pacing now, his breath heavy and rapid.
“You know, you have been my best friend since I was twelve years old. I know everything about you. But you hide things from me. I want to break down the walls. But you won’t let me, and I’ve accepted it.
However, what I can’t accept is being treated this way.
I lied when I told you I could do this because I can’t.
I don’t know what you are talking about with a game, or whatever.
But I want you, Trouble. You set my goddamn soul alive. ”
I wanted to sink into his words. I wanted to kiss him, hold him, let him absorb me. But I couldn’t. And I had to push him away. He was going to get hurt by whatever was chasing me.
“I’m not some easy thing you can control, Max. There are things you can’t know about me. I’m not a normal girl. I could never be a normal girlfriend to you. I can’t give you what you want. This is all I can give you.”
He gave me a look, which was both questionable and unreadable. It was as if he was figuring me out, but he didn’t want to tell me that he knew.
“I get it, I do. I just… I don’t know if I can keep fucking doing this for the rest of the summer. I know it’s only been a few days, and this might seem fast, but for me, it’s been years. Years, Trouble. You’re not just some girl. You’re everything to me.”
It had been years for me, too. I wanted to stop him, tell him I loved him, that we could live happily ever after, but this was real life, not some fairytale. Something was happening to me, and he was going to get hurt. It was better that he remained in the dark.
“Max—I don’t know.” The tears welled in my eyes before I knew it, and they started to spill over my bottom lashes.
His hands cupped my face immediately, wiping the tears away with his fingers.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m not sure this is coming out right. I didn’t mean to start a fight with you. I’m just trying to tell you that I belong to you. Even when you’re impossible, even when you scare me to death. I belong with you, and you’re tearing me apart.”
I pressed my forehead against his.
“You’re terrifying,” I whispered. My hand slid around his waist. “Do you know that?”
He gave me a condescending look and then growled against my lips, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from him. “I’m losing control. This means… too much to me.”
I could feel the storm inside him, the heat behind his eyes, the raw edge of obsession. I hated that I was causing him this pain. He captured my bottom lip with his thumb, and I could see that he wanted to walk away. But he couldn’t.
I didn’t pull back. I pushed against him, lips pressing, teeth grazing, hands tangling in his hair.
I knew I needed to pull back. I knew I needed to end this, but I couldn’t control myself, either.
He sighed, hands roaming my back, pulling me impossibly close, trying to dominate me, but I fought him.
I arched into him, teasing, testing, refusing to yield.
We were equals in fire, obsession, and dark desire. Soulmates who could spar and burn and bite and push each other to the edge, and still, somehow, come together in that perfect, dangerous, electric collision.
“Mmm… you’re impossible to ignore, Trouble,” he hissed against my mouth, one hand gripping my waist, the other tangled in my hair. “I could…”
“Could what?” I taunted, breaking the kiss just long enough to flash him a wicked smile. We always came back together with a sense of humor. Maybe we could now.
He snarled, dropping his forehead against mine, lips brushing mine in quick, sharp bites. “Stop fighting this.”
He was being too serious.
“I’m not,” I whispered, hands sliding under his shirt, feeling the brutal heat of him.
His teeth grazed my jaw, his hands all over me.
“God…” he groaned, pressing against me. “I hate that I want you this much. I’ve never felt this way before.”
“Me too.”
He kissed me back, and it was so deep, so intimate, I almost passed out. And then, he whispered in between kisses, “I love you.”
He said it like it hurt. Like he couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out, even if he tried. My heart nearly stopped. We had passed the line. I wanted to say it back so badly it burned my throat.
But if I gave him that piece of me, he’d own me. I was so scared about what this meant.
I kissed him harder, trying to pour it all into that moment. I wanted him to hear in that kiss how much I loved him. Could he hear my thoughts? Because they were repeating it over and over:
I love you. I love you, too. I love you, Max.
My tongue twisted with his as I kissed him deeper, and he moaned into my mouth, but the longer I didn’t say it back, the slower his kissing got until he quickly pulled away, his hand on his chest as if his heart might fall out.
“I need a minute.”
I looked up at him, surprised by the hurt in his voice. It was so deep, it felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces. I almost fell when I saw his eyes. They were wet with tears. He was crying. Because of me.
He walked off, leaving me wondering what the hell just happened. And the worst part?
I had become a villain in my own story. A monster. An exact replica of the one I was running from.