Chapter Ten
TEN
MAVEN
The storm that was brewing breaks as we reenter the house.
Rain streaks the windowpanes and batters the roof.
Sonic peals of thunder roll through the gray cloud cover in the sky outside, rattling the windows in their frames.
The aunties go around lighting candles to dispel the gloom, enlisting Bea to help them, while I make a call to my boss. It’s Sunday, so I get her voicemail.
“Hi Luce, it’s May. I need to take a few personal days off work.
Maybe even a week. You won’t believe this, but we can’t have my grandmother’s funeral because the funeral home lost her body.
I’ll tell you all about it when I get back, but long story short, it’s a mess.
I really need to be here to help my aunts get through this.
“Robert can lead the tours for the schoolkids this week. I’ll email Annie to ask her to complete the grant report. If you need me for anything, I’ll have my phone on. I’ll give you an update as soon as I have more information. Thanks, Luce. Talk to you soon.”
I disconnect, then give myself a silent pep talk before making my next phone call.
“Hi, Ezra. It’s May.”
“I know. I saw your number on the screen.”
His tone is guarded. I can’t blame him, considering how our last conversation ended.
“Right. Well, I wanted to let you know that we won’t be able to have dinner Tuesday night. I’m staying a few days longer with my aunts.”
A cavernous silence follows. He’s waiting for an explanation for why my plans changed, but we both know it will never come.
This is the hill we died on. He’s a good man, but loving me is like loving a cactus. The more you ignore me, the better we’ll get along. Get too close, however, and my sharp thorns will draw blood.
If the Avoidant Attachment relationship style had a poster child, I’d be it. Thank you, Ronan Croft.
“Anyway, I won’t be able to make it.”
“I’ll reschedule with the restaurant.”
“There’s no need for that. We’ve already said what we needed to say.”
Technically, he said what he needed to say. I stared stoically at him as he explained what was missing in our relationship.
Apparently, he didn’t appreciate it when I simply said, “Okay,” and walked out because he left a long and impassioned voice message on my cell afterward that included a lot of words like “inscrutable,” “indifferent,” and “aloof.”
As it’s impossible to explain to someone well-adjusted that the interior landscape of a person who’s been crushed by loss and betrayal at a young age is a barren wasteland of ashes that will starve any misguided living thing that tries to set down roots and grow there, I didn’t argue.
“May, look. Be reasonable. If you’d only make an effort, we could be amazing together. We’re both professionals at the top of our fields. We have intersecting interests, compatible values, and mutual respect. We have everything in common.”
He lowers his voice. “And this tough act of yours … I know it’s just an act. You need someone to look after you.”
I don’t want to hurt him, but I know I’m doing the right thing. Giving us another chance would only be prolonging the inevitable.
“Ezra, I’m sorry, but it’s over. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I also don’t know how to be clearer than that. I no longer want to participate in this relationship. Can you understand? I really hope we can remain friends.”
After a thoughtful pause, he sighs. “It’s not what I was hoping to hear, but I respect your feelings.”
Relieved, I thank him. We share an awkward goodbye and hang up.
I wander downstairs and find the aunties with Bea in the huge formal dining room. They’ve lit a row of tapers in silver candlesticks in the middle of the table, and are working on clusters of pillars on the hutch.
“Do we have anything to eat?”
“Of course.”
“Anything that involves bacon?”
Davina gives me a stern look. “Animals are not for eating. Especially the highly intelligent and sensitive pig. They suffer more than most at the slaughter.”
Bea looks traumatized. “Oh no. They suffer?”
“Terribly.”
I say brightly, “Maybe if they weren’t so tasty, they wouldn’t get eaten,” which earns me another steely look.
“Mom?”
“Yes, sweetie?”
“I want to be a vegetarian.”
“Sure. I’ll tell the chef.”
“We don’t have a chef.”
“Exactly. I’m going for a walk.”
Esme scolds, “You just said you were hungry, and it’s pouring! You’re not going anywhere!”
I’ve never liked being micromanaged, and I’m much too stubborn to follow orders, but she means well, so I smile instead of snapping.
“I’ll be back soon. I need to clear my head. Bea, the aunties are in charge of you. Be good.”
I grab an umbrella from the stand by the front door, then trudge out into the rain. Within seconds, I’m regretting the decision to venture out into such hostile weather, but as my superpower is stubbornness, I keep walking. In ten minutes, I’m in the center of town.
Little has changed.
Charming and quaint, the main square looks straight out of a postcard.
The Schneiders’ bakery, the pharmacist, and the hardware store are still here, as are the deli, the jewelers, and McNulty’s pub.
The little bookshop where I spent so many hours reading has become a Starbucks, but the turn-of-the-last-century building it’s housed in remains the same.
Except the space that used to be an appliance store is now a Mexican restaurant.
It’s impossible to be depressed with a margarita in front of me, so I dash across the square, leaping over puddles, and shake out my umbrella before pulling open the front door.
Warmth and the delicious scent of simmering adobo greets me.
My mouth instantly starts to water. I tell the nice young girl at the hostess stand that I’d like a table for one.
She grabs a menu and leads me inside, seating me in a booth behind the only other person in the joint, a dark-haired man sitting with his back to me.
“Can I get you anything to drink to get started?”
“I’ll take a Cadillac margarita, please.”
“Sure. Let me know if you have any questions on the menu. Be right back with your drink.”
I settle into the booth and flip open the menu. Everything is perfect for one lovely moment, until the man in the booth in front turns around and smiles at me, displaying a set of gleaming white teeth.
“Hello, Bugs. Fancy meeting you here. Are you following me?”