Chapter Thirty-Four #2
“I shouldn’t even ask, but which plan is that?”
“The one to drive me to the brink of insanity!”
He says drily, “It’s obviously working.”
The steam coming off my head is probably curling my hair. “I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, Ronan, but I won’t let you ruin my life. I mean it.”
His voice turns deadly soft. “This isn’t a game, Maven. What’s between us has never been in jest. It’s been life or death since the beginning. All or nothing. Make or break. Do or die.”
I pull the phone away from my ear to grimace at it. “I’m sorry, I must have the wrong number. I dialed a lunatic. I was looking for the other lunatic. The one who’s doing all the evil masterminding in his spare time.”
There’s a long silence. Then, a heavy sigh.
I’m sure he’s recorded himself over and over doing that exact sound just to get the balance of grievance and disappointment right because it is entirely too convincing.
He sounds beat.
He’s so awful, the big faker.
But he’s obviously not going to give me an inch, so I ask him where my gun is instead.
He makes a sound of derision, a scoff only the king of smug could ever manage. “That silly little six-shooter you call a weapon? I threw it in the garbage. I’ll buy you something better.”
Who throws a gun in the trash? What is wrong with this person?
“Make it one of those Star Trek lasers that can evaporate villains with a press of a button, please. That would be super useful.”
After a moment, he says, “You know what I think?”
“No, but I’m sure it will be groundbreaking.”
“That damn smart mouth. What I was going to say is that I think this is another excuse to call me.”
“Wait, let me rewind this call so I can play your melodramatic sigh back to you.”
“If you really thought I’d had you removed from your position, why didn’t you immediately contact the police?
The press? Any one of my army of enemies?
Wouldn’t that have been a better move, to expose my wrongdoings to a public who no doubt would shit themselves in glee that the big corporate bad guy is finally getting his comeuppance? ”
I think for a moment, then nod. “Good point. I have to hang up now. I’ve got a few calls to make.”
The following silence stretches the limits of my patience. I sit on the edge of my bed and pinch the bridge of my nose. “So you deny it.”
“Yes, I fucking deny it, because I had nothing to do with it.”
He’s emphatic. I’m exhausted. I don’t know what to do.
“I’ve earned your distrust,” he says, his voice dropping to a low, stroking growl. “I know it. Maybe someday, I’ll get the chance to make it right. But I didn’t get you fired. I can’t convince you, but like it or not, that’s the truth.”
My head is starting to pound. I’m dizzy with fatigue or maybe hunger. I want to throw a rock at his face but I also want him to hold me and tell me everything will be okay.
I’m disappointed that the second thing is much more appealing.
I decide this is a good time to put on my big-girl panties and tell him the hard things. This might be the last time we speak, after all, and I just can’t hold on to these ghosts any longer.
I’m going to set them free.
“All my life, I’ve been heavy. This weight is invisible to everyone but me, but it’s there, every day, weighing me down with every step.
I didn’t choose it. It was given to me. It’s mine to carry, except I don’t want it anymore.
I just want to feel soft. I want to be light and easy.
But there’s nowhere safe for me to put this weight, so I have to keep carrying it until the day it finally breaks my bones and grinds me down into dust, and there’s nothing left of me.
“I’m tired, Ronan. Tired of guessing, tired of fighting, tired of hiding who I am. I just want peace. But I can’t have peace without clarity. And I can’t have clarity without your help.”
He waits in silence, listening.
“I’m not okay with what happened between us. I got stuck back there, and I can’t find the way out. I feel like I’m trapped in a room with no doors. Build me a door.”
“How?”
“Tell me your side of the story.”
There’s a darkness to his silence, but it’s not cold or mean. It’s somber and somehow hopeless.
Finally, he speaks. “Not over the phone. Let’s talk in person. I need to see your face.”
He never makes it easy for me. Not even now. There’s always a price to be paid.
“When?”
“Tonight.”
Ezra and I are meeting for dinner tonight, so I suggest tomorrow instead.
“Six o’clock. My place.”
He disconnects before I can reply. Seconds later, the phone rings. Looking at the number on the screen, I sigh.
“Hello, Mr. Walker.”
“So you’re not in a jail cell. I was beginning to wonder. You were supposed to call me this morning.”
“I’m sorry about that. Things have been a little unhinged over here.”
He waits for me to elaborate. When I don’t, he says, “You wanna tell me what happened last night after we hung up?”
“You mean did I go to the church.”
“Yep.”
“Yes, I did.”
“And?”
I think of those big eerie cages and the unnaturally large claw I pulled from high on the wall.
I think of waking up in Ronan’s bed and how gently he handled me.
I think of how he said he threw my gun away and how convincing he sounded when he denied having me fired.
I think of our date tomorrow night and what it might mean for both of us.
Then I lie.
“There was nothing interesting there.”
He grunts. “So your theory was bunk.”
“It appears so.”
His tone sharpens. “Then why’d you say things are unhinged?”
Great. Now my private investigator is investigating me.
“I don’t know how much time you spend with your relatives, Mr. Walker, but I’ve been with mine for weeks now. My mental health is hanging on by a thread.”
He chuckles. “It only takes one dinner with my in-laws for me to get there.”
“So you understand.”
“Sure do. And if you decide you want to tell me whatever it is you’re hiding, I still consider myself on the job, even though you fired me.”
This person is inconveniently intelligent. What a double-edged sword. But I can’t admit that, so I thank him instead.
“I appreciate the support. I’ll give you a call if anything else comes up.”
“You do that, Ms. Blackthorn. I have a feeling I’ll be hearing from you soon.”
We say our goodbyes and hang up, but his words are stuck in my head for the rest of the day.
It seems we both know that whatever’s going on in Solstice, it’s far from over.