Chapter Two
Juniper
“D ay drinking? Seriously, Reena?” Not that I was complaining, I didn’t have crap else to do. But now my head was swimming, and the only person I called friend in the entire world wasn’t the type to shirk her responsibilities, even for a day.
Smiling wide, my bestie—who was too pretty and too nice to hate, but you wanted to anyway—pushed another shot toward me. With her perfect tan, perfect straight blonde hair, perfect-without-trying skinny-ass body, and perfectly pert au natural boobs, she was enough to give any woman an inferiority complex. “We’re celebrating!” She giggled, but like her smile, something eensy teensy seemed off. “Besides, we’ll need these shots before I leave.”
Okay, scratch that.
Something was definitely off.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “You never need alcohol. You’re up to something.”
Her face fell for a split second, but then she added even more brightness to her smile until I was blinded. “I’m getting married!”
Right. That. “Yay,” I fake-cheered, then threw back the shot and coughed.
She patted between my shoulder blades the way she did everything else—gently and with care. Except today she wasn’t really being careful. At least, not with me. She’d been shoving shot after shot toward me while she’d noticeably slowed way down. Like, stopped at two—or was it three—slowed down. “Do you need water? I can get you some.” She stood.
Shitfaced, but not so much that I was seeing two of her yet, I grabbed her wrist. “I don’t need water.” I needed a gallon of it and about six Advil if I was going to survive the hangover that was coming. “Wh-what’s going on?” Shit. Was I slurring?
“What do you mean?” She glanced over my shoulder toward the entrance to the bar.
“Okay.” I held up one finger. I think. Actually, it might’ve been two. “Now I know you’re messing with me.” My hand slapped down on the sticky tabletop. “Unless there’s a hot guy behind me, which….” I tried to hold up my finger again, but my hand was stuck. Or I was drunker than I thought. “Which, we both know you wouldn’t look if there was.” Reena was the loyalist of all loyal girlfriends. “You love what’s his face.” Shit. “Oh my God!” I forgot about my sticky stuck hand. “I forgot his name! You’re getting married , and I forgot his name?” That was bad.
“Shh, shh.” She reached for my hand, which was apparently unstuck and sticking up. “Put your arm down.” She giggled, but it was like a nervous giggle. “It’s Charlie, and stop yelling.” Her face went kinda pale, and she looked past me again. “You’re causing a scene.”
“Oh, no.” No way. “I’m not causing anything .” Okay. Yep. That was a slur. “You.” I pointed at her as my stool swayed. “You’re causing a scene. A big ole wedding-in-secret to a secret man with a secretive past—or present—whatever.” I hiccupped. “ He’s a secret—I mean a scene. BIG scene.” I held my hands out wide. Oh my God . “Wait!”
“I already told you that I’m not waiting.” Leaning forward, she tried to push down my arms.
I leaned in too. “No, not that.” Then I whispered. Sorta. “He’s big, right?” I nodded toward my lap and whispered louder. Or softer. “You know.” I grinned. “Down there.”
Her eyes went wide, but then her face went beet red, and I couldn’t help it.
I burst out laughing. “I’m right. I knew I was right!” Her secret secretive soldier, military man, whoever the hell he was, he was hung. “Like a moose, right? Tell me I’m right. Big ole, big ole , Charlie is a MOOSE!” I grabbed the last shot and threw it back. Nothing burned, but I hiccupped again. “Why else would you be marrying some guy you just met and barely know who I haven’t even seen a picture of?” I slammed the glass down and answered my own question. “Because he’s Charlie McMoose Dick!” I grinned.
“ Oh my God .” She shook her head, but then she grabbed my hand and pulled.
“Wait.” I almost fell off the stupid stool that was too high for normal short people like myself but not for perfectly long-legged blondes like Reena. Or moose-dicked hot guys. “Where’s the fire?” I wanted a hot guy… with a giant moose.
“Come on.” Reenie tugged again, and my flip-flopped feet hit the ground. “I have to use the restroom.”
“Ohh, shoot. Now that you mention it….” I really had to pee. Like a racehorse. “Wait. Is he horse hung or moose hung?”
“ Juni ,” she scolded in an actual whisper as she pulled me past… well, no one looking at me. But at her?
“What? It’s a legitimate question.” I glared at some old jerk checking out her ass in her cutoffs. “Mind your business, grandpa.”
The old guy looked at my tits, then leered at me and raised an eyebrow.
I gave him the finger—after I pressed my upper arms in close to give the ladies better cleavage, because fuck him.
The asshole mouthed two words at me. Wanna fuck?
Reenie yanked me around the corner and into the hallway leading to the bathrooms. “Stop causing trouble.”
“Me?” I asked innocently. “I never cause trouble.” Okay, that was definitely a slur. And a lie. “I mean, I try to never cause trouble.” But trouble always found me.
“You know what I mean.” Reenie pushed open the door to the ladies’ room and pulled me in behind her.
Suddenly having to go really bad, I rushed to a stall. “No, I don’t.” Oh my God, oh my God . “I waited too long.” I barely got the door closed, yanked my leggings down, and sat. Then I realized what I’d done, but I was already peeing. “Oh my God, I sat on the toilet seat of the sticky bar!” Shit . “Now I’m going to have, like, pussy cooties. Or someone else’s piss on my ass. Oh my God, why, Juni, why ?” I gagged. “I’m gonna hurl.” I quickly grabbed an obscene amount of toilet paper that was thinner than washi. “This toilet paper is like wiping your ass with a Japanese lantern. Except it’s not my ass, it’s my lady bits, and that’s worse.” I yanked my pants up, stepped on the handle to flush and kicked my way out of the stall.
Reenie was looking out the window of the bathroom.
“Oh, shit.” I forgot about washing my hands and walked up next to her. “Is there a creeper?” I stood on tiptoe and tried to look out, but the windowsill was all grimy. “ Eww . Now I need to wash my hands and dip them in lye.” I went to the sink and pumped the soap thingy five times. “Why are you acting all sus?”
“I’m not acting any way.”
“Yes, you are.” I used my forearm to turn on the water, then wanted to wash that as well. This bathroom sucked. “This bar is sketch.” I was drunk. “We’re day drinking.” What were we talking about?
“We’re celebrating,” she replied in a fake cheerful voice she’d never used before today.
I side-eyed her as I rinsed my arms all the way up to my elbows like I was some kind of surgeon. “How long have I known you?”
She smirked.
My eyes went wide. “No way! Did you just give me attitude?” My bestie was a lot of things, and all of them were sweet. “Did Reena Alano just show irritation?” I stupid-grinned. “I’m so proud.” I used to be like her. Well, sort of—mostly I was just quiet. Until I learned the hard way that life dished out the harshest punishments for the quietest, most behaved young girls.
Reena’s genuine laugh came out, and she shook her head. “You’re impossible.” She washed her hands. “And a terrible drunk.”
I nudged her shoulder. “Yeah, but I’m a fun drunk.” I winked.