Chapter 5 Olivia
My palms are sweating. It’s utterly ridiculous, because I’m standing on Bear and Ayita’s porch, not walking into a courtroom or facing down a firing squad.
Still, I can’t shake the nerves fluttering through my stomach.
The air smells like rain. Most everyone thinks I’m insane when I say the air smells different when it’s going to rain, but it does.
I can truly tell the difference. I hope it holds off until I’m back home.
I shift the tin of cookies in my hands before I drop it and adjust my sweater.
I’m wearing comfort clothes tonight—my favorite jeans, a soft, brown sweater, and matching boots.
It may look casual, but it was a carefully thought-out ensemble.
In these clothes, I look normal. That helps me to pretend I’m a woman who is not a sad mess on the inside.
My pep-talk tonight included telling myself over and over that I’m here for a quiet evening with friends and I’m going to have fun.
I even baked Bear’s favorite—my chocolate-coconut Cowboy Cookies.
He goes gaga for them, always making me feel good.
Part of me thinks he does it just to bolster my confidence.
Even if that is the only reason, I appreciate it.
I reign in my crazy thoughts and knock on the door. My heart skips a beat when the door swings open. I expected to see Bear or Ayi and I have a smile on my face. Instead, in front of me is Blade and my heart flip-flops. Crap!
He looks like a walking dream in nothing but faded jeans and a faded blue T-shirt that has Kentucky written across the chest. He has a beer bottle dangling from one hand. Blade looks good enough to eat, but it’s his smile that hits me dead center.
“Hey, Livy.”
“I think it’s illegal to wear that shirt, Blade. You’re in Tennessee Volunteer country.”
His smile deepens and dang it, my knees go weak.
“Orange has never been my color,” he laughs. “It’s all about big blue, sweetheart. Just like your eyes.”
“I didn’t know you were coming tonight,” I murmur, wishing I could get my heartbeat under control.
He smirks like he knows exactly what he’s doing to me. “Don’t be mad at Bear. I had to beg him for days to let me come to dinner.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, Livy. You didn’t get in contact with me. I was desperate to see you.”
My face burns. I’d like to say it was embarrassment, but I know better. It’s desire. Blade makes me feel things I have no business feeling—things I never thought I could. “I was going to call you,” I confess.
“You were?” His tone drops, becoming teasing and warm.
“Yeah.” I manage a breathy laugh. “I kind of chickened out, though.”
He steps a little closer, voice low and rough. “Then, thank God Bear gave in, because not hearing from you would’ve crushed me.”
I try to play it off, laughing softly. “I doubt that.”
“Trust me,” he says, eyes dark and steady on mine. “It would have, Livy.”
From somewhere behind him, Bear bellows, “Damn it, Blade, let her in! It’s cold out there!”
Blade mutters, “Shit. See what you do to me, Usdi?”
The Cherokee word rolls off his tongue like silk—soft, possessive.
He’s basically calling me, little one or baby.
Yet, it feels much more intimate using the Cherokee language.
My heart trips over itself. I step inside before I can melt right there on the front steps.
Instantly, the warmth of their house wraps around me—bright yellow walls, large windows that are inviting and make the space feel bigger than it probably is.
Ayita has such an eye for beauty. Everything feels alive here.
There’s a dreamcatcher hanging near the entryway and a big rug patterned in turquoise and red under the coffee table.
Ayita appears from the kitchen, her glossy black hair braided over one shoulder, eyes shining with welcome. She’s breathtaking—mid-forties maybe, elegant and strong in that effortless way only she can pull off.
“Livy!” she says, pulling me into a hug.
Bear’s right behind her, grinning wide. “Hell yes, you brought the cookies!”
I laugh and move to hand Ayita the tin, but Bear snatches it. “Nope. These are mine.”
“Bear,” Ayita scolds gently.
He’s already prying off the lid. “Livy made these for me. Blade can get his own damn cookies.”
“Hey!” Blade protests, still grinning. “Give me one!”
“No!” Bear says, around a mouthful of cookie, crumbs flying. “These are mine. Ask her to make you some.”
Ayita and I both start laughing, and I shake my head. “You two fight like little kids.”
“We’ve done that our whole lives,” Bear says proudly, thumping Blade’s shoulder. “Even if I am older and more mature than this asshole.”
Blade flips him off without missing a beat.
I can’t help smiling. “You act more like brothers than lawyer and client.”
The room stills for half a heartbeat. I’m afraid I said something wrong, but I clearly was mistaken because Ayita starts laughing. “It just proves men are big babies, no matter who they are.”
I join her easily. “That’s the truth.”
While Bear’s distracted, Blade sneaks a cookie from the tin and takes a bite. “Oh, damn, Livy. This is so good.” He groans low in his throat. The sound making goosebumps spread across my skin. “It just needs to leave out the coconut and add peanut butter instead.”
“You like peanut butter?” I ask, amused.
“Love it.”
“I do have a recipe for peanut butter cookies. If you play your cards right, I might make them.”
His eyes darken, that slow, wicked grin spreading. “Usdi, I should warn you—I’m a very good card player.” A shiver slides through me, and I forget how to breathe for a second.
Ayita saves me by handing Bear a platter of steaks. “You and Blade get to grilling. My twice-baked potatoes are almost done.”
Bear kisses her cheek. “Yes, ma’am.”
I sigh softly, watching the easy affection between them. When they disappear through the back door, I turn to Ayita. “You two are so happy. It makes me think maybe love really exists. That it can actually end in a happily ever after.”
She smiles as she starts arranging the vegetables. “It took having Bear in my life for me to believe it. But every day with him just gets better.”
“That makes me so happy. You deserve a second chance—you both do.”
Ayita tilts her head, studying me. “Tell me, Livy—what’s the story between you and Blade?”
Heat floods my face. I wave a hand, flustered. “There’s nothing between us. We just met. He’s … a nice guy, that’s all. You know me—I’m retired from relationships, Ayi.”
She laughs softly. “Livy, you’ve never had a relationship. Not a real one.”
I shrug. “I’m not sure I can ever have a normal one. Blade’s a really nice guy. He deserves better than me. He’ll see that eventually.”
Ayita sets down the tongs and looks at me with that gentle, wise smile of hers. “Maybe you should take the advice you gave me. Remember what you told me, Livy?”
I groan. “Ayi …”
She keeps going anyway. “You reminded me that I was already miserable. That if being with Bear made me feel better, I should try. You told me to just see where it went—because he was as broken as I was.” She smiles tenderly. “I did—and here we are.”
“Yeah, but Blade isn’t broken.” My voice is small. “He deserves someone who’s whole—like he is.”
“Maybe you should let him decide that, sweetie.”
The oven dings, sharp and welcoming, making me laugh. “Saved by the bell.”
“For now,” she teases. “Grab the salad from the fridge. We’re eating on the deck.”
I open the refrigerator and pull out the bowl, forcing a smile as I follow her toward the back door. The sound of laughter drifts in from outside—Blade and Bear trading jokes as the grill hisses. It should make me feel warm. Safe. Instead, my chest tightens.
Ayita doesn’t understand. She can’t.
I’m lost and way too broken for someone like Blade Aetos. Besides, my brother would never let me be happy. He’d find some way to destroy everything. That thought nearly kills me, but I paste a smile on my lips and step out onto the deck, pretending everything is fine.
When it never will be.