Chapter 12 Bear #2
“I didn’t give her any details, not even your name.
I just asked her if she thought I could trust a man with my heart who had a questionable past. You know I had reservations, sweetheart.
Olivia encouraged me to take the leap. She said she was in love with someone who was making the same type of changes and had never been happier. ”
For a second, the world stopped turning. “You are?” I question, trying my best to keep breathing.
“I was,” Olivia whispered. “It didn’t work out. He was in a relationship and didn’t tell me.”
“Oh no. What a fucking creep. If Bear did that, it would destroy me,” Ayita said, wrapping her arms against my side and burrowing into me. “Don’t let it stop you, Livy. There are good ones out there. Bear is proof of it. I’m living with him now and we’ve even talked about having a baby.”
Olivia was shattered. I saw it clearly. Fuck, I was too. When I’d had the conversation with Ayita, I hadn’t met Olivia again. Christ, I’d been avoiding Ayita for a month and finding reasons to stay at the club. I even told her I was having second thoughts. What I hadn’t done was end it … Fuck.
Olivia didn’t scream, didn’t tell Ayita the truth. She just looked at me, letting me see her pain. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Bear. You’ve got a wonderful girlfriend. They don’t get better than Ayita.”
My world crashed. I kissed her, betrayed her, and she still protected me.
I blink, coming back to the present when Ayita curls up and says, “You okay?”
“Yeah, babe. Just thinking about some stuff—club shit,” I lie.
“I’m going to take a shower. We have to be at the club soon. You do still want me there to talk to the interior designer that you guys hired, right?”
“Yeah. You know we’re useless at that shit. We just want to be high-end. Okay, I’ll jump in the shower. You can join me if you like.”
I force a smile onto my lips. She deserves better than me.
I should have told her the truth back then.
Now, it’s much too late. I really was going to.
A month after that shit at Subway, I’d finally decided to man up.
Ayita knew something was wrong. I hadn’t touched her since.
I’d reached out to Olivia, but she avoided me like the plague.
When I finally cornered her, I told her I was going to end things with Ayita.
That it wasn’t fair to the woman. I told her I was in love with her.
Olivia just looked at me. She said we couldn’t build our happiness on someone else’s pain.
That she couldn’t live with herself if she did that.
“You should have told me you were in a relationship, Bear.”
Those words will always haunt me. I pulled Olivia to me and kissed her with everything had—everything I felt. It was our last kiss.
It took a while to work past mine and Olivia’s pain, but we pieced together our friendship and it’s something I will never let go of.
Over time, those feelings for her haven’t lessened but they have changed into acceptance.
Olivia didn’t fit in my world. Ayita does.
She loves every minute of it. I guess that’s why I’ve tried to talk to Blade, I don’t want him to fuck up like I did.
Olivia deserves better. She’s going to be hurt enough when she finds out that Blade is my brother.
“You sure you’re okay?” Ayita asks, frowning. I lean down and kiss her. I love Ayita now. It’s not the same kind of love I have for Olivia. It’s warm and constant, but not what she should have from a man.
“Just stressed. I’m okay. Go shower. I need to get my head together.”
I see a small flash of sadness hit her. I know she’s picked up that things aren’t where they should be, but—like me—she’s accepted what we have is good and is going with it.
“If you’re sure,” she hedges, studying my face.
“Positive,” I tell her and give her a quick kiss.
She goes into the bathroom and as soon as the door closes, I fall back on the bed with a sigh. Fuck, I need to get my head together. Ayita’s cell rings. I stretch, grabbing it, and frowning because I recognize Olivia’s number instantly. I may not call it anymore, but it’s still in my brain.
“Hello?” I answer gruffly, knowing I’m playing a dangerous game. Hearing Olivia’s voice when the past is still alive in my head this morning is bad.
“Bear?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. Ayita is in the shower. I saw your number and answered. Are you okay?”
“Not really,” she says brokenly, and I can hear the tears in her voice.
I’d like to strangle my brother. He doesn’t realize what a gift he has in his hands.
It’s so hard for Olivia to open her heart to someone—and I know part of that fault is mine.
The fact that she is with Blade, speaks volumes.
He needs to get his head out of his ass.
She sniffles. “Blade wanted me to come to the Saint’s party. I said no, and he got angry. I told him to leave. He told me I was being judgmental.”
“Fucking asshole,” I hiss under my breath.
That brings a startled giggle to Olivia’s lips. “I feel like for him to even say that, he doesn’t really know me,” she confesses. “I’ve never treated anyone at the club wrong. I know most of your brothers. I like them all—well except one.”
“Ranger’s a dick,” I mutter, and rewarded again with a small laugh.
“Yeah.”
“Livy, Blade loves you,” I say softly. “He doesn’t think you’re judgmental. He’s just upset. He’ll apologize,” I promise her. If he doesn’t, I’m going to kick his fucking ass—but I don’t tell her that.
Her breath catches. “I can’t handle this, Bear. He doesn’t understand. I don’t even understand why he keeps pushing it. I mean, he’s a lawyer.”
“I know. But he deserves the truth. You need to tell him about your brother—why the club life scares you so damn much.”
“No.” The word comes sharp. “He’ll look at me differently. I don’t want his pity.”
I sigh, rubbing my forehead. “Sweetheart, he wouldn’t pity you. He’s not that kind of man.”
“I don’t understand why he keeps pushing me to go to that party,” she whispers. “He should just leave it alone.”
“I can’t tell you why without breaking a promise,” I admit. “But trust me, Livy, you need to talk to him.”
She goes quiet for a beat. “I don’t think it’s a problem anymore. He left. I don’t expect him to come back.”
I close my eyes. I want Livy for my brother. If I can’t have her, and he makes her happy, I want that. I love my brother, and his happiness is everything to me—even if it hurts. “He’ll be back, sweetheart. Trust me on that. I might’ve been an idiot once, but Blade isn’t.”
She gives a small, sad laugh. “Hush, Bear. You and Ayita love each other.”
“Yes,” I say. “We do.” It’s not a lie, but the truth is heavier. I love you more, Livy. And I always will. I swallow those words down. I can’t voice them … I never can.
The bathroom door opens, and Ayita steps out, wrapped in a towel, her hair twisted up. “We do what?” she asks, smiling.
I force a grin, slipping the mask back on. I walk to her, press a kiss to her lips. “I was agreeing with Livy that we love each other.” I hand her the phone. “Talk to your girl. Blade’s being an ass.” Then I lean in, whisper against her ear, “Remember to keep his secrets.”
She nods, confusion flickering across her face, but she says nothing.
I turn away, heading down the hall. My chest feels tight, like all the old ghosts are trying to come back and haunt me.
I do my best to bury them deep down inside where they belong.
The past doesn’t get to own me anymore. Sadly, neither does the woman who saved me.
God help me, I’ll protect her until the day I die, though.
She may not know it, but she will always have my heart.
Always.