Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
B y Wednesday Benton was in a shit mood. He’d been texting with Collins on and off, but something had changed. She was saying the right things, used more emojis than he knew what to do with, but still, all of it felt different. He couldn’t put his finger on what exactly it was, and it was driving him nuts. He was pretty sure Daisy Mae figured into it, but with their upcoming court date, he wasn’t about to poke that particular bear. Either way, he didn’t like feeling out of sync with the only good thing to happen to him in a long while, but he wasn’t the kind of man to chase after a woman. If Collins needed some distance, then so be it. Hence, the shit mood.
For all he knew, this was how the younger generation did things. They shut down, went through the motions, and either disappeared or showed up down the road.
It was late afternoon when he pulled up to his sister’s place, and he was barely out of the truck before Nora bounded up the steps of the ranch house. Scarlett smiled from her perch on the porch and told Nora to slow down when she zoomed past. His kid was on a mission to find her best pals, Cameron and Ryan Pulman, the twins Taz had adopted when his sister had tragically passed in a car accident. Now, they called Scarlett mom, and it sure looked good on her.
“Where’s Hank at?” His young nephew was nowhere to be seen.
“Millie Sue has him.” Scarlett giggled. “It’s like a never-ending revolving door of Bridgestones going from house to house.” Her eyes were soft. “Never thought I’d see the day, and now with Vivian expecting…” She picked at the edge of the cushion. “Everyone is happy. We’ve come full circle. It kind of blows my mind.”
“Yeah.” He spoke because it felt like he was supposed to. “Taz here?”
“He should be back soon. Went with Angel to check on a horse she rescued.” Scarlett frowned. “You doing okay?”
“I…sure.”
“You’re not convincing me.” His sister got up. She pulled over another chair and pointed to it. “Sit. Talk.”
He thought up a couple of excuses he could use to leave, but then reluctantly, crossed the porch and sank onto the faded brown rocker. Scarlett, like is other sister Vivian, wasn’t one to lie down gently. If she wanted him to talk, he was going to talk.
“This thing looks older than dirt, but it’s sturdy.”
“Don’t do that,” Scarlett said.
“What?”
“Deflect.”
Benton sighed and sat back. “I might have started up something with someone and I’m not sure I should have.”
“I heard.” Scarlett bit her bottom lip and reached for a bag of chips. She crunched on a few then handed it to him. “You’re hot and heavy with Collins Lafferty.”
“Christ, does everyone know?”
She nodded. “Pretty much.”
“Do you think she’s too young for me?”
Scarlett tugged the bag back from him and grabbed another handful. “Is that what this is? You’re hung up on the age thing?”
He shrugged. Didn’t answer. But then he didn’t have to. Scarlett was like a dog after a bone.
“Look, Collins is like, twenty-eight or?—”
“Five.”
“Huh?” Scarlett swallowed a mouthful of chips.
“She’s twenty-five.”
“Oh.” She stopped chewing for all of two seconds, then started up again, before swallowing. “So she’s like fifteen years younger than you.”
“You’re terrible at math.” He smiled for the first time. “I’m not forty yet.”
“Right. So she’s twelve years younger than you, or something like that.” She frowned again. “No, thirteen.”
Hearing it out loud made him wince. He looked away, kept his focus on the paint colt that ran circles in the corral a few hundred feet away.
“Here’s the thing, Bent. I know it sounds cliche, but age is just a number. When I was twenty-five, I was a na?ve girl who let a man manipulate me. I wasn’t old enough,” she touched her chest, “inside, where it counts, to deal with a man like him. He nearly broke me.”
“He didn’t because you’re a Bridgestone and you’re strong.”
“My point is that Collins is different. I don’t know her well, but we’ve chatted briefly, and she’s a lot more cosmopolitan than I ever was. She’s the kind of girl who’s years ahead of her peers because of the life she’s been born into. On top of that, she’s an old soul.” Scarlett chuckled. “She’d have to be, to leave Paris or Italy behind and stay in Montana because she caught feelings for a man like you.”
“Man like me?” Should he be annoyed?
His sister nodded. “Settled with a child.”
Scarlett’s expression changed. It was subtle, but enough of a change to make him wish he’d never brought up a damn thing.
“What are your feelings?” She cleared her throat. “You know, about Collins.”
“God,” he groaned and stared up at the gray slats that formed the porch roof. “Do we need to talk about this?”
“You’re sitting on my porch, bud. My porch. My rules.” She handed him the chip bag. “I think we need to.”
Benton chomped on some chips. Barbecue. Not his favorite. He shrugged and glanced at his sister. “I like her.”
She snorted. “That’s all you got? You like her?”
He winced and glanced away. Even to him, the words sounded lame. Inadequate. They didn’t come close. “She’s…” He searched for the right things to say, but Benton wasn’t that guy. He didn’t use flowery prose, and grand gestures had never been this thing.
“Spit it out.” Scarlett grinned. “You can do it.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Let me help you then. What’s the first thing you think of when I say, Collins?”
“Are we keeping it clean?”
“It would be way more fun if we didn’t but I think we should.” She paused. “Definitely.”
Collins Lafferty. Skin. Lips. That sweet spot between her earlobe and neck. That hair he loved to tug on. “Soft,” he answered quietly. “Silk.”
“What else?”
“She likes to smile. Laughs at my jokes.”
“Even the bad ones?”
He nodded.
“Keep going.” Scarlett leaned closer.
“She’s spontaneous. Looks great in a pair of jeans.”
“Duh. She’s a freaking model.”
“Not afraid of hard work.”
“Right?” Scarlett nodded. “She’s slinging beer at the Sundowner.”
“She’s real good with Nora. Listens to her, you know? Not many folks take the time with a kid.”
“Do you think about her when she’s not around?”
He glanced at his sister. “Where are you headed with this?”
“Answer the question.” Scarlett was invested in his relationship with Collins. Shit. Full stop shit. He’d just used the word relationship.
“I can’t stop thinking about her,” he admitted, scratching the whiskers on his chin.
“And the sex?”
“I thought we were keeping this above board.”
“That was for me. I was just curious.” Scarlett grinned. “Sounds like you’ve met someone kind of special. I mean, you had that first night in Nashville, and it could have ended there, but didn’t.”
He looked at her sharply. How the hell did she know about their one-night stand?
“Mike Paul likes to talk.” Scarlett sat back. “The two of you have one hell of an attraction, and not everyone gets to enjoy that.”
“Sex isn’t everything.”
“No. But my point is, you shared something special, and she followed you here. From New York City, where stuff happens. She left a place like that to spend time in a town so small that we only have one bar. Not even a Piggly Wiggly. Just the Sanderson Market. If this were just surface stuff, just an attractive woman you enjoy sleeping with, you wouldn’t be on my porch, conflicted about things. Or maybe it’s simpler. You’re unsure because let’s face it, you’ve never had a real adult relationship. You and Daisy Mae were a train wreck from the start.”
He couldn’t argue with her there.
“Whatever the reason, Collins came here because you sparked something inside her. And I think she’s claimed a part of you. That piece you’ve kept locked away ever since things went south?—”
“No.” He stopped her there. “Daisy Mae and I never had what it took to make it all the way. I know that now. What we had was a hell of a lot of attraction. It was being teenagers and finding that first kind of love that doesn’t last because it’s not meant to.”
“Who says you don’t have a way with words?” Scarlett reached over and patted him on the arm. “I wasn’t thinking about Daisy Mae.” Her face fell. “I was thinking of our parents. Of mom and dad and how things were after she died. You were the oldest. You took the brunt of everything bad thrown our way.” She picked at the cushion. “Dad and his drinking. His words that cut sharper than knives, and his fists that left marks. You were her favorite. He knew it, and it’s why he picked on you so much.”
He shifted in his seat. Uncomfortable with where their conversation had gone. “Come on, Scar. That’s ancient history.”
“Yes. I know. But it’s history that makes us who we are. We all knew Mom loved you the most. And we were fine with it because I think all of us needed you a little bit more than each other. Because of how much she loved you. Because you’re so much like her.”
Benton felt something sting the corner of his eyes. He looked away from Scarlett. Let his gaze settle on the mountains.
“I’ve watched women in this town throw themselves at you. Some of them you spend time with, because, well, you are a man and all. I get that. But none of them have ever penetrated that shield of yours.”
He turned back to Scarlett. What the hell was she talking about?
“You have one set up. You just don’t know. A big old invisible thing that keeps the feelings away.” His sister crumpled up the now-empty chip bag. “I think you’re afraid to love like that and I don’t blame you because I sure was. It took a lot for Taz to break down my barriers. For me to accept the fact that I was worthy of someone’s love.” She got to her feet. “It’s a long road, Benton, but you’re already on it. You just don’t know it yet.”
Scarlett stepped away, a wry grin lighting up her face. “You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have the family that all of us have found. And if Collins Lafferty is what you want for it, then you better get your butt in gear and let her know. Because a woman like that, no matter what her age is, she’s not waiting forever.”
“Jesus, Scar, you’ve got me picking out a ring and walking down the aisle. I barely know this woman.”
“Keep telling yourself that. I just listened to a man describe in detail a woman he can’t stop thinking about.” Her eyebrows rose dramatically. “Like I said. Long road, and you’re only a few miles in. You need to keep moving to figure this stuff out. Maybe Collins is only a pit stop. A side-of-the-road café. A place for you to rest and enjoy a meal or two. Or maybe she’s waiting at the end of it. Maybe she’s your final destination. You’ll never know unless you keep driving.”
“That’s a lot to think about.”
“I’ve been reading a lot lately. My brain is full of words and advice.” She took a step toward the front door. “Do you want to stay for supper?”
“No.” He was thinking a drive to Big Bend was where his head was at.
“I’ll bring the girls back to your house tomorrow night. Remember, it’s your turn for the sleepover.”
How could he forget? Three little girls were squealing and acting silly. He smiled at the thought.
“Thanks.” He headed for the steps.
“Benton?”
He glanced over his shoulder.
“Be happy, okay? We all deserve to be.”
Benton got into his truck and hit the road. He figured his sister was right. Initially, he’d been open to spending time with Collins because it felt good. He’d told her as much only a few days ago. The sex was great. Hell, it was off the charts. But this wasn’t about the sex. It wasn’t about feeling good or right. It was simpler.
For the first time in his life, he wanted more.