Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
B enton stayed by Daisy Mae’s side for over seventy-two hours. He sat through the shakes. The convulsions and body pain. Held her hair when she vomited and cleaned her up after. He kept her cool while she sweated it out and didn’t react when she swore and hit at him. When she begged him to go to the south side and hit up Johnny Boy for some of the good stuff.
He made a mental note to visit Johnny Boy real soon.
By the time she was able to sleep through a couple of hours peacefully, he was dog ass tired. He hopped in the shower, then pulled on a pair of boxers, and collapsed on the floor beside the bed. He was out cold for hours, and when he woke up, momentarily confused. It was dark. The bed was empty.
He jumped to his feet and took the stairs two at a time, then slid to a halt when he found Daisy Mae bundled up in a blanket, sitting at the kitchen table, sipping some broth that Manley had brought over.
“I didn’t want to wake you,” Manley said softly. He got up and hugged Daisy Mae. “You hang tough, girl, you hear? It’s a war and it’s a marathon that never ends. Picture that little girl and hold her close.”
“Thank you,” Daisy Mae whispered. Her voice was hoarse. No doubt from the crying and screaming.
He followed his father outside and took that fresh, cool air deep into his lungs. He felt like he’d been breathing in sweat and darkness for days.
“Ryland staying with you?”
His dad nodded. “Figured you needed some space to deal with all of this. Cole set out yesterday with the colt. Should be back in Texas by now.”
“Good.” He figured there was a lot he needed to attend to, but he’d catch up with his foreman in the morning.
“I’m sorry,” Manley spoke quietly. His eyes were on the big Montana Sky. “Sorry you had to deal with that sort of thing when you were not yet a man. Sorry that my weakness made your lives so damn difficult. Sorry that Daisy Mae is struggling.”
Benton’s throat constricted. He cleared it. “Your weakness made us all strong, Dad. You don’t need to be sorry for past mistakes. Not anymore. I know the man you were before you fell down that hole, and he’s the same man standing here now. We’re good. You just face that beast every day and tell him to go fuck himself.”
“I will.” Manley took a step down, then paused. “I don’t know that she’s as strong as she needs to be, son.” His words were quiet, but they held some weight.
“She might surprise us.”
“I suppose she might.” He took another step down. “Don’t let Collins slip away. That one is a keeper.”
The comment was out of left field. Benton didn’t quite know how to react. “You barely know her.”
“That might be true, but I saw the way she looked at you with her whole heart in her eyes. With that soft smile that kind of turns up her mouth. She loves you, and if you’re smart, you’ll make sure she knows you feel the same.”
“I don’t…” The denial was hot on his tongue, but his father laughed in his face.
“Don’t you? You’ve spent pretty much every day with that woman since she’s been here. Now picture the next few weeks with that smile. The next few months. Picture next Christmas with her at your side, sitting in front of a tree. There’s snow and presents, and family. Pretty, isn’t it?”
“It’s nice,” he admitted.
“Now picture all of that without her.”
“It’s not that simple. She lives in the city, and I have Nora to think about. I can’t just spring a woman on her. Tell her she’s got a new mom.”
“Your Collins isn’t a city girl anymore, and Nora knows people just fine. You don’t think she wants her dad to be happy? You don’t think she understands that you’re alone? She’s a Bridgestone, son. She sees all the angles. Plus, she’s smart as hell. Gets that from her Grampy.”
Another step, and he was on the ground. “Anyway, just some ramblings from your old man. You don’t need to pay attention if you don’t want to. You’re grown and can make your own decisions.” Manley winked. “Just make sure they’re the right ones.”
He stood on the front porch in the dark and waited until his dad’s taillights disappeared. In the distance, he heard coyotes, their yips sharp as they cut through the quiet. He wondered where Collins was and felt bad that he hadn’t messaged her in days. I’ll do it tomorrow, when I’m fresh, he thought. Still tired from lack of sleep, he walked back into the house and found Daisy Mae still at the table, sipping her broth.
“You feeling better?”
She shrugged, but then slowly nodded. “Yes. I think the worst has passed.” She looked up at him, eyes shiny with unshed tears. “Nora didn’t…” Her lips were dry and cracked. “Did she hear me?”
“Nora’s enjoying an extended sleepover with Taz and Scarlett and their girls. She’s doing okay.”
“Good,” she whispered. “Thank you.”
He snagged a cookie from the plate Rosie left. Was trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject, when Daisy Mae surprised him.
“We should discuss next steps.”
He finished his cookie and nodded. “We should.”
She looked up at him and in that moment she looked so damn young and lost, it was like looking at the past. “I want to be well.” Her voice trembled, and her eyes leaked.
“I know you do.”
“And I’m scared, Bent. My aunt overdosed when she was my age. Left behind three kids.”
He remembered, but said nothing.
She turned in her chair and swiped at the tears on her face. “I want you to know I’m sorry for all of this. For trying to take Nora away, when clearly, no judge on the planet is going to award custody to a junkie.”
He winced. Hated hearing her talk about herself like this.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Don’t know why I can’t say no to that junk.”
“I might not know the intricacies of addition. About the pull or how the need is so strong, you ignore the bad stuff. But I’ve seen my dad live through it and a few others. I know that each journey is individual and that what works for one addict doesn’t work for another.” He walked over to her and sat on his haunches, so that they were face to face. “Some of the best people in my life have struggled. Their addiction doesn’t mean they’re less than the rest of us. In fact, I think in some ways it makes them more than. Because they’ve had to overcome the kind of pain I’ll never experience, just to live. I respect what my dad did to turn his life around.”
“You hated him for years.”
He nodded. “I did. But hate and love go hand in hand. They’re two sides of the same coin. He needed to put in the work before we could toss that coin in the air and change things. He did. And we’ll get you there.”
He saw the yearning on her face, and when she leaned forward and put her arms around him, he wasn’t sure how to react. She stared at him, moved closer, but he shook his head.
“That won’t work for us, Daisy. I’ve got someone else occupying that space.”
“Collins.”
“Yeah.”
“What now?” she asked quietly.
“Now we focus on finding the right place for you to get better.”
“I’m so tired.”
“Go to bed. I need to make some calls, and hopefully we’ll find a place for you sooner, than later.”
“You’ll come with me? Get me sorted?”
“I will.”
She got up and left the kitchen, shuffling like an old woman. Once he was sure she was safe in his bedroom, he headed for his office. He checked in with Taz and spent an hour Facetiming Nora. She asked about her bunny and kitten. Asked if he’d braided her pony’s tail and mane because he’d promised on their last phone call. He felt like a shit. He lied and said yes. Then she asked if he was coming along for the cookout the next night.
Benton exhaled and considered his next words while he stared at his daughter’s sweet face. His dad was right. She was smart, and he wouldn’t serve her well by keeping things from her.
“Your mom is sick again, and I have to take her to one of those special places that’s going to help her get well.”
Nora scrunched up her face. “Like when you had your accident and you went away for weeks and weeks.”
“Something like that.”
“Does she have a bellyache?”
“Kind of.”
“Where’s Collins? Can she come to the cookout with me?”
“She had to go see her family.”
“But when is she coming home?”
“I don’t know, sweets. Her family is having a big party on the weekend. Maybe she’ll come back here when it’s done.”
“Are you going to the party?”
He sat there for a few seconds and considered some things. “It’s pretty far away.”
“That’s what planes are for, silly,” she giggled and glanced over her shoulder. “Auntie Scar is handing out chocolate ice cream cones.”
“Love you,” he managed to get the words in before her face disappeared. It was Tuesday night. He turned on his computer and began researching rehab facilities all over the country. Made a list and whittled it down to five. By the time he was done, it was after midnight. He checked his messages, but there was nothing from Collins. He fingered his phone, then sent her a message. He wished he had Cal’s talent with words, but figured being honest would have to do.
Miss you.
Pretty lame, he thought, but it was all he had. He headed upstairs, checked on Daisy Mae, then fell onto Nora’s bed. First thing Wednesday morning, he’d call the five facilities and, God willing, he’d find the perfect place for Daisy Mae.
Once his past was safe and secure, he’d look to his future.