Thirty | Sam
Thirty
Sam
“I swear, I’ve never seen you so bah humbug before in all the years I’ve worked with you, and definitely never on Christmas Eve,” Piper noted as we got everything ready to open for the day.
“I’m fine,” I lied, trying to shake off my bad mood so I didn’t ruin anyone else’s.
I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how well Avery’s interview had gone and how she’d been offered a teaching job in Houston. She was so excited about it, and I wanted to be happy for her, but how could I be when it meant she would be leaving? We spent the past few days doing stuff with Kennedy to get her excited about Christmas, which was also an excellent way for us to avoid dealing with the elephant in the room.
I knew that Avery didn’t owe me anything and that we both went into whatever this was between us, knowing that it would be short-lived because she was never planning to stay. But deep down in my heart, I had hoped that confessing our love for one another would be enough to change her mind. I knew as a mother that she wanted to offer her daughter the best the world could give her, but I hated that. I felt like she was easily overlooking the fact that she could do that in Sugarplum Falls.
“You’re the worst liar,” Piper continued, restocking the disposable cups. Today would be a busy morning, with everyone stopping in to get their caffeine fix before the final countdown to make the magic happen.
“I’m not lying. I’m fine.”
“Do I need to call Cassidy and ask her what’s going on?”
“Not like she doesn’t know. Avery is her best friend,” I muttered.
I closed my eyes and sighed heavily when I realized I’d just spilled the beans.
“I knew it was Avery-related, but I haven’t been able to figure out what.”
“She got offered a teaching job in Houston, and I think she’s going to take it. They want her to start right away, after New Year’s. She told them she needed a few days and would let them know on the 26 th .”
“Oh. Shit.” Piper’s face fell along with her shoulders as she stopped what she was doing and looked at me. “I’m sorry, Sam. I know how much you like her.”
“Not like. Love.”
Piper’s eyes widened as her hands went to her mouth.
“You’re in love?”
I nodded and looked away, not wanting to feel so vulnerable right now.
“Sam, that’s wonderful!”
“I think you’re missing the whole point here, Piper,” I teased sarcastically. “It doesn’t matter if I’m in love if the person I’m in love with wants to move to another state.”
“Love isn’t meant to be easy, Sam. You know that.”
“Actually, I don’t. I’ve never been in love until now. I thought I was before, but nothing has ever felt like this. None of the women I’ve dated have ever compared to Avery. While those relationships were good and I had a decent heartbreak after they ended, it will be nothing like what I will feel when Avery leaves me. It’s not something I’ll ever come back from.”
“Who said it has to end?”
“You can’t tell me that you think a long-distance relationship is the answer here?” I questioned with an arched eyebrow.
“Long-distance could be better than nothing. If you love her like you say you do, why not make every effort to be with her?”
“I don’t know,” I said with a sigh, knowing full well what the answer was.
“Stop lying.”
I rolled my eyes and grabbed the towel to wipe down the counters again.
“It’s not that easy, okay?”
“Why not? You love her. She loves you. You love each other. What am I missing here?”
“That clearly she and I are not on the same page,” I nearly shouted, my emotions getting the best of me. “I love her so much, Piper. She and Kennedy mean more to me than anything in the world. But she didn’t even bat an eye or consider staying here. Once she found out about the job offer in Houston, she was excited and more focused on taking the job. Never once did she stop and ask how I felt about it or if I would even be interested in trying to do a long-distance relationship.”
“Oh. I see. It makes sense now.” Piper pulled her mouth into a straight line and lowered her head.
“You see what?”
“Your real fear isn’t that she’s leaving, Sam. It’s that she doesn’t love you as much as you love her. You’re angry because you fell hard for her without knowing if she felt the same way.”
“She said she loved me,” I countered, not wanting to admit that she was right.
“Yes, but deep down, you’re wondering if it’s enough.”
She was right. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how I loved Avery so much that I would do anything for her, including moving to Houston. But she never asked. She never once mentioned my name or how I would play into their new life once they moved. I wasn’t just losing her; I was losing the little girl I had come to love as my own.