Chapter 18
She lay flat on her back beneath the blankets staring at the ceiling while thoughts of Blaze circled endlessly through her mind, thoughts about Seattle, and the disappointment in Blaze’s eyes at the restaurant when she pulled away from him.
God.
The worst part was knowing he loved her and she loved him too.
Johanna rolled onto her side with a frustrated exhale before grabbing her phone from the nightstand. The glow from the screen illuminated the dark bedroom while rain continued whispering steadily against the windows. No new texts waited for her. Not since earlier.
BLAZE: Sleep, baby. We’ll figure this out.
Her chest tightened painfully all over again.
The message sat beneath several others she’d reread far too many times over the last few days because apparently emotional self-destruction had become her newest nighttime hobby.
Blaze’s texts always sounded the same, steady, patient, certain in a way that both comforted and terrified her.
Even hurting, he still sounded like a man who believed they could survive this.
Maybe that was the problem. Johanna no longer trusted certainty. Not after loving Blaze once already and spending years rebuilding herself afterward.
She dropped the phone onto the mattress beside her and closed her eyes, but memories crowded her mind anyway.
Blaze laughing beside her in Baltimore Harbor while cold wind whipped across the water.
Him wrapping his arms around her in bed and kissing the top of her shoulder like he couldn’t believe she was really there with him.
Blaze looking at her across crowded rooms like losing her would destroy him.
Loving Blaze had always felt enormous, beautiful, and terrifying all at once. Like handing somebody the power to wreck her life and praying they’d be careful with it.
Tears stung unexpectedly behind her eyes. Dammit. She was emotionally worn down in a way sleep couldn’t fix.
A sharp ringing sound suddenly shattered the silence beside her.
Johanna startled violently before grabbing for the phone. The screen flashed Unknown Number, and dread tightened immediately in her stomach because nobody called at two in the morning with good news.
“Hello?”
Static crackled briefly over the line before a familiar voice answered.
“Johanna?”
It was Ryan, but something about him sounded wrong.
Johanna pushed herself upright so quickly the blankets twisted around her waist. “Ryan?”
Rain battered heavily against the windows while silence stretched between them, and her heartbeat turned uneven before he even spoke again.
“There was a fire.”
Everything inside her went completely still.
“What?”
“A house fire near Bayview.” Ryan’s voice sounded strained. “Blaze was inside when part of the structure collapsed.”
Johanna stopped breathing as the room tilted violently around her.
No. Her hand tightened painfully around the phone. “Is he okay?”
Silence answered first.
Too long.
Oh, God.
Johanna scrambled out of bed so fast the blankets tangled around her legs while terror crashed through her chest hard enough to make her dizzy.
“Ryan, is he okay?”
“We don’t know yet.”
The words ripped straight through her.
Thunder cracked somewhere outside. Johanna pressed one trembling hand against her mouth as fear swallowed her whole.
This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not while she was still angry, still pulling away from him, and still leaving fear where love should have been. Not while the last look she gave him carried more fear than love.
Ryan’s voice softened slightly. “We’re still trying to rescue him.”
Images assaulted her instantly. Blaze laughing in Baltimore, kissing her forehead half-asleep in bed, and sitting across from her while promising he wasn’t trying to run anymore.
“Where are you?” she whispered.
“At the scene.”
Johanna was already moving before he finished speaking. She grabbed the first sweater she found, but she struggled to pull it over her head. Panic climbed higher and higher inside her chest with every passing second.
“Send me the address.”
“Jo—”
“Ryan.” Her voice broke completely now. “Please.”
Another silence stretched between them before he finally answered quietly. “I’ll text it.”
The line disconnected.
Johanna stood frozen in the middle of the bedroom for one terrible second, staring blindly at the wall. Then the tears came fast and uncontrollable, fueled by a level of fear she’d never experienced before in her life.
Because suddenly none of the other fears mattered anymore. Seattle, trust, and old wounds all became meaningless beneath the horrifying possibility of losing Blaze forever.
All that mattered was Blaze.
The man she loved was trapped in a fire while she wasted days pushing him away out of fear he might someday leave.
Johanna barely remembered the drive afterward.
Later, pieces of it would come back in fragments. The sweep of rain across the windshield, her trembling hands gripping the steering wheel, and the desperate prayers she hadn't spoken in years.
Mostly, though, she remembered the fear.
It tightened around her chest with every mile.
Long before she reached the neighborhood, red emergency lights flashed against the storm-dark sky several blocks away. Smoke still curled upward through the rain while fire engines, police cruisers, and ambulances crowded the narrow residential street in a maze of chaos and flashing lights.
And suddenly everything became terrifyingly real.
Johanna parked badly near the curb and jumped from her car before the engine fully died.
Rain soaked her coat almost instantly while icy wind whipped her curls around her face.
Neighbors crowded the sidewalks beneath umbrellas and porch awnings, whispering anxiously while firefighters rushed through smoke, water, and debris with controlled urgency.
Then she saw the house, or what remained of it.
The top floor had partially collapsed inward while flames still flickered through shattered windows. Smoke poured upward into the storm while water hoses blasted across blackened wood and falling debris. The entire structure looked exhausted and dangerously close to giving up completely.
Johanna’s stomach dropped so fast she nearly stumbled right there in the street.
No. God, no!
She pushed through the crowd toward the barricades while rain soaked deeper into her clothes. “Excuse me—sorry—please move—”
Someone grabbed her arm before she reached the fire line.
Michael.
His turnout gear was blackened with soot and rainwater while exhaustion streaked heavily across his face. Smoke clung to him so strongly it burned her lungs even standing there.
The second he saw her expression, something inside his own shifted.
“Jo—”
“Where is he?” Her voice cracked apart completely.
Michael hesitated.
That hesitation nearly destroyed her.
“Michael.”
His jaw tightened hard before he answered carefully. “We lost contact after the collapse.”
The world narrowed violently around those words.
Johanna stared at him blankly.
Lost contact. The words echoed violently through her head while panic closed hard around her chest.
“We’re gonna find him.”
Behind Michael, firefighters rushed frantically around the structure while sections of the roof groaned dangerously beneath the pounding water.
“Ryan’s inside with the search,” Michael continued quickly. “They’re trying to reach where he went down.”
Johanna shook her head immediately. “No.”
Like refusing the words could somehow undo them.
Michael reached for her shoulders gently. “Jo—”
“No!”
The sound ripped out of her before she could stop it. Several nearby firefighters turned instantly toward her while panic surged violently through her body. Johanna covered her mouth with shaking hands as terror swallowed her whole.
Because this couldn’t happen now, not after days spent pushing Blaze away because she was terrified he might eventually leave her.
The last few days replayed mercilessly through her mind.
God.
What if those became the last moments they ever shared?
The thought hit so hard her knees nearly buckled beneath her. Michael caught her immediately before she collapsed.
“Hey,” he said softly. “Hey, don’t do that.”
But tears were already streaming uncontrollably down her face. Rain soaked her curls while smoke burned the back of her throat.
Somewhere inside that collapsing house was the man she loved.
The man she’d spent days pulling away from because fear convinced her protecting herself mattered more than trusting him.
And now she might lose him anyway.
A violent crash suddenly echoed from the structure.
Everyone turned instantly.
Firefighters shouted near the front entrance while sparks exploded through collapsing plaster and falling debris. Johanna grabbed Michael’s turnout coat in panic.
“What was that?!”
“They’re opening another access point. Stay here!” he said then hurried off to join the other firefighters.
Her breathing turned shallow and uneven while exhaustion, fear, and adrenaline blurred everything around her.
Then movement erupted near the side of the house.
Firefighters shouted through the smoke while another crew emerged from the haze carrying equipment and forcing their way toward the ambulances.
Johanna's heart slammed painfully against her ribs.
Please.
Ryan appeared moments later, his turnout gear blackened with soot and rainwater. Several firefighters followed behind him.
But Blaze wasn't among them.
The realization hit hard enough to steal her breath.
Her eyes searched frantically through the smoke, jumping from one firefighter to the next.
Nothing.
No Blaze.
Then she saw the stretcher. It emerged slowly through the haze beneath flashing red lights.
Johanna went completely still.
"No." The word barely made it past her lips.
The stretcher rolled closer. Paramedics moved quickly around it while firefighters surrounded it tightly enough that she still couldn't see who was lying there.
"No," she whispered again.
Every horrible possibility crashed through her at once.
Blaze unconscious.
Blaze burned.
Blaze—
A medic shouted for more oxygen. And Johanna's knees nearly buckled.
Ryan saw her then. Their eyes met across the rain and flashing lights. For one terrible second, she couldn't read his expression. Then something shifted across his face.
Relief.
Pure relief.
"Move!" one of the paramedics barked.
The firefighters parted slightly.
And Johanna finally saw him.
Blaze.
Covered in soot. His turnout coat hung torn nearly down one side. Blood streaked across his forehead while smoke blackened parts of his jaw. Exhaustion and pain tightened visibly around his face.
But he was alive.
Oh God.
He was alive.
The breath tore from her so violently she doubled over with one hand pressed against her chest while sobs broke free uncontrollably.
Michael caught her before she fully collapsed. “There you go,” he murmured quietly. “Breathe.”
But Johanna barely heard him.
Because Blaze was moving.
Trying to force himself upright despite two paramedics ordering him to stay still. His eyes searched frantically through the chaos until they landed on her.
And the second they did, everything else disappeared.
Johanna watched emotion tear visibly across his face in real time, fear, relief, and love so raw it nearly brought her to her knees again.
“Jo.”
Even through the chaos surrounding them, she heard him clearly.
Blaze tried getting off the stretcher immediately. One of the medics shoved him right back down.
“Absolutely not.”
“Move,” Blaze snapped roughly while still trying to look past them toward Johanna.
Ryan grabbed his shoulder hard. “Sit your stubborn ass down.”
Johanna stood there in the rain crying like her entire world had nearly ended.
“Johanna.”
His voice came rougher this time. Needier. Like seeing her standing there shattered had cracked something open inside him completely.
Johanna pulled away from Michael and ran. Straight through the rain, straight through the smoke, and straight toward Blaze.
Blaze pushed himself halfway upright again despite the paramedics protesting while Johanna reached the stretcher and grabbed his face with both trembling hands.
“You idiot,” she sobbed brokenly.
Blaze looked up at her, pain, relief, and love colliding openly across his face. “Hey, baby.”
The tenderness in his voice shattered what little composure she had left. Tears streamed uncontrollably down her face while she touched him everywhere at once, his shoulders, his face, his chest, like she needed physical proof he was still here. Still breathing. Still hers.
“You scared me,” she whispered through broken sobs.
Blaze’s expression softened instantly despite the pain tightening around his eyes. “I know.”
Rain streamed down their faces while emergency lights flashed across the wet street around them, turning the storm into a blur of red and blue reflections.
And suddenly Johanna didn’t care about fear, emotional self-protection, or convincing herself loving Blaze was too dangerous. Because standing there believing for one horrifying moment that he might die had stripped everything down to one brutal truth.
Loving Blaze terrified her but losing him would destroy her completely.