Asch
I’m sitting in the library when the text comes in, and I blink when I see who it’s coming from.
Holden
Can I talk to you?
I’ve never really talked to Holden one-on-one before, and curiosity gets the better of me as I reply.
Asch
Yeah. I’m in the library.
Holden
Be there in 5
Huh. I have no idea what he could possibly want from me. He’s one of Brock and Tate’s friends, which means he has absolutely no reason to seek me out. After everything that’s happened, I should be the last person he wants to see.
I try to return to studying, but it’s impossible. I find myself watching for Holden’s approach instead, and when he arrives, I gesture for him to grab a chair and pull it close.
“What’s going on?” I ask, my curiosity getting the best of me.
Holden hesitates, then he seems to steel himself as he says in a rush, “It’s about Blaze. You’re the only person who can talk reason into him.”
“Blaze,” I repeat, my voice flat. “Talk reason into him about what?”
I can make a few guesses, but I want to hear what he has to say. It’s bound to be interesting, to put it lightly.
Holden looks around the library, like he’s worried somebody might overhear. Finally he leans closer to me.
“You know everybody’s upset about what happened to Declan and Tate. To the frat house. And Blaze’s girlfriend broke into my house the other night and released rats. Which is… not funny, but whatever. That’s her. The problem is that Blaze refuses to do anything about it.”
I’m not sure whether I’m amused or irritated about Pandora causing a rat infestation at their house, but I school my expression into neutrality. “And what do you expect him to do about it?” I ask.
“Do you remember the Kappa Alpha creed?” Holden asks.
I tense, and quietly say, “Loyalty to my brothers above all else.”
It’s always been perfunctory, something we said when we pledged but didn’t actually mean much of anything.
We’d never had that loyalty tested by much before. It’s easy to say the words, but in practice…
Then again, maybe it’s that I’ve always felt like an outsider.
I’ve already been loyal to Blaze above all else. The frat has always been secondary, and now Pandora ranks even higher than that.
Maybe even above Blaze.
“What’s the point of being in a fraternity if your brothers don’t have your back?” Holden says. “Blaze is talking big, how he isn’t scared of us, but that’s not going to save him if everybody bands together against him.”
The idea of everyone going up against Blaze makes my stomach churn. He’s meant to be a leader, not kicked to the curb.
“And what happens if everyone bands against him?” I ask.
Holden’s eyes narrow. “You saw what we did to Pandora.”
My vision briefly cuts out as rage slams into me hard enough to leave me breathless. The words are a very clear threat to Blaze. I know he can take care of himself, but the idea of them even trying to hurt him has me plotting murder already.
“You saw what happened after that,” I retort in a clipped voice, my eyes narrowing. It’s not like Holden to be this bold, so he must really be pissed about the rats. “You think it’s a good idea to threaten Blaze Bouchard, Holden?”
“I’m just giving you the facts,” Holden says. He clenches his fists on his thighs, and I wonder if somebody put him up to this.
Holden has always been a follower, not a leader.
Some would say that about me, too.
They wouldn’t be wrong, but I would do something like this without encouragement or permission from Blaze if I thought it was necessary to protect him.
“Think about it rationally,” Holden says.
“You joined Kappa Alpha for a reason. You’re being loyal to Blaze, but what’s the point if it doesn’t get you ahead in the future?
Nobody’s going to help you out if Kappa Alpha disintegrates.
Blaze is being led around by his cock, and you’re the only one who can knock sense into him. ”
There’s no knocking sense into Blaze, not where Pandora is concerned. She’s gotten under his skin. She’s gotten under my skin, too.
Holden has made a mistake, though. I’d take a future with Blaze and Pandora—hell, a future with River in the picture, too—before doing anything to betray them to get ahead. He should know that.
“And what do you expect him to do, exactly?” I ask. “Stop dating Pandora? Because that’s not happening.”
Even the thought of him cutting her off makes something twist in my stomach. I’m not leaving Pandora behind either.
Not that she’d let us even if we tried.
“I want Blaze—and you, and River!—to remember what it means to be a Kappa Alpha brother!” Holden’s voice gets louder.
“I want you to think about everyone’s future.
I know Blaze’s dad is a hotshot, but so’s my dad, right?
We aren’t powerless here. It’s a network, a fraternity. Not Blaze’s personal army.”
I grimace.
Blaze’s future isn’t nearly as clear as Holden thinks it is. With George Bouchard on the defensive, and the frat members on the verge of mutiny, it’s possible he could lose everything.
I can’t sit back and watch that happen.
But what’s the alternative? Losing Pandora?
That’s not a thought I thought I’d be willing to entertain, except…
Maybe Holden has a point.
“So what do our brothers want?” I ask him. “What would prove that we’re still dedicated to the frat and making sure our futures stay bright?”
Holden scoots closer. “I know you’re stupidly into Pandora too, which…
You gotta stand up for yourself, Asch. You don’t need to always take Blaze’s sloppy seconds.
But for now, just talk to him? Get him to stop pissing off all the brothers.
He talks a big game, and we know he’s a fucking badass, but he can’t punch his way through this. ”
No. None of us can. Not Blaze, not River, and not even me.
I don’t care that they think I’m taking Blaze’s sloppy seconds, but I do care that their loyalty to him is waning. The fact that Holden is willing to talk to me about it says it’s not entirely hopeless, but I don’t know how to fix this without losing Pandora.
If it comes down to losing the frat or losing Pandora, I know what Blaze will choose.
For the first time, I’m not sure that it would be the right decision.
I don’t care about my future, but I do care about Blaze’s, and without his father, without the frat, what would he even do?
Then again, what’s he supposed to do with his father? Continue his legacy of sex trafficking women? Do I want him to follow that legacy?
Maybe it would be better for him to lose it all and rebuild from scratch.
No.
I don’t know, and that bothers me.
“Yeah, okay,” I say. “I’ll talk to him.”
I don’t know what I’ll say, but it’s a conversation we need to have.
Holden stands up and claps me on the shoulder. “Good man.” He flashes me a grin. “I knew you were smart. Scholarship kid and all.”
The words tear into open wounds, and I grit my teeth. “Yeah.”
That scholarship will probably disappear any day, regardless of what Blaze might say, and I’ll be stuck back in New Valence.
Alone.
I might try to tell myself I don’t care about my future, but like Blaze, I stand to lose everything.
Of course, that might happen anyway.
Maybe I do care.
Fuck.
I get up, no longer interested in studying. I need to find Blaze and see what the hell the plan is going forward, because I don’t know what it is. “See you later, Holden,” I say, and I push past him to head out of the library.
I was in the library so I could get out of my own head instead of wallowing in my room, but that clearly didn’t work.
Is there a point in studying anymore at all? The ‘scholarship’ will be gone next year, and I don’t know how I’ll afford tuition. Even though Blaze covers my portion of the rent, he can’t exactly pay for my schooling on top of that.
The air outside is frigid, and I regret not buttoning my coat before I exited the library. You’d think I would have grown used to these northern winters after last year, but I still yearn for the mild winters of New Valence.
If I transfer to a university back home, I won’t ever have to deal with this shit weather.
“Excuse me,” a female voice says. I glance over to the woman.
She’s tall—almost as tall as I am—with short black hair in a pixie cut and tan skin. Like me, she’s bundled up in winter gear, but there’s something familiar about her.
“I’m trying to find the biology lab,” she says, motioning down to her phone. “But this map makes no sense to me.”
I try to place her, but nothing comes to mind. “Yeah, you’re on the wrong side of campus,” I tell her. I point in the direction she needs to go in. “Head that way. The building will be on your right.”
She nods. “Wow, I really went off track.” She laughs and raises her gloved hand to her face. She rubs her nose, but for a split second it looks like she’s getting ready for a punch.
Oh.
Now I know where I’ve seen her.
She was River’s opponent at the street fight.
If I’d been dressed for it, I’d have gotten into the cage with her to see for myself whether River was bullshitting about being tired or if she’s simply that good. Blaze thinks street fights are stupid, but they can also earn money, and that’s tempted me more than once.
Regardless of what everyone thinks, I don’t automatically do whatever Blaze tells me to. On the other hand, if I got hurt, I wouldn’t be able to protect him.
He might say he can take care of himself—and he can—but with everything going on, it doesn’t seem like the right time to test that theory.
But maybe River has the right idea of it, and I can earn enough to augment what I send to my mom. As it is, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to send her anything at all, and no matter how many times she tries to tell me that she’ll be fine, we all know that fine means anything but.
“You were at the fights the other night,” I note. “When are you going back? I wouldn’t mind seeing how I measure up against you, after you kicked River’s ass.”