25. River #2
“You really need to ask Pandora,” I say, and I’m stupidly proud of how my voice doesn’t waver. “This is her battle.”
“But is it her war?” he asks cryptically. He takes another step into my personal space.
I stand my ground. “Yes. She calls the shots.”
“I can’t tell if you’re being respectful, if you’re that whipped, or if you’re just scared,” Slayer says, studying me with that intense gaze of his that could have other men dropping to their knees.
It’s all I can do not to do that, too.
“Everyone’s whipped by Pandora,” I point out. “Even you.”
That startles a laugh out of him, and his stance relaxes. “Yeah. She has that effect on people, doesn’t she?”
“Oh yeah. But you have to talk to her, Slayer. Seriously. This really is her battle, and I’m not backing down on that. Not even with you. I have another pinky finger, after all,” I say flippantly.
My heart pounds three times as fast in my chest, and my mind screams no, no, no.
But for Pandora, I’ll risk it.
Slayer stays silent for a long moment where I’m left wondering if he’s going to pull his knife out and call my bluff.
Then he huffs. “Fucking hell. You grew some balls, kid.”
I want to say I always had balls, but where he’s concerned? Not so much. “Talk to Pandora,” I repeat. “If she wants help, we’ll all fill you in.”
He nods slowly, taking a step back out. “We’ll see what she has to say. Don’t tell her I was here.”
“I am absolutely telling her you were here,” I tell him. “I’m not lying to her about anything.”
Not again.
I won’t hurt her.
He eyes me, but he finally shakes his head. “All right. But tell her that her family loves her, and if there’s someone we need to rip to shreds, we’ll do it.”
I nod. “I know. And she knows, too. But she might need a reminder.”
“Then I’ll just have to give her one,” Slayer replies. “See you around, kid.” He turns and heads in the direction of the parking lot. I let out the breath I’d been holding.
Fuck, that was close.
I’m already so late to class that there’s no point in showing up, so with freezing fingers, I fumble to take my phone out of my pocket and send a text to Pandora.
River
Where are you?
Pandora
Dorm. It’s too cold to go to class.
River
I’ll be there in 5
Except I don’t go to her immediately. I stand there in the freezing cold, then I open up the paper. It’s blank except for those ten numbers in a row.
I don’t recognize the area code, but that isn’t a surprise. If I’d bailed like she had, I’d want to be as far away as humanly possible.
I type in the numbers, staring down at my phone as I contemplate whether I really want to tap the call button.
I do.
I don’t.
I don’t know.
I’d wanted this, so I do it anyway.
It rings three times, and I hold my breath as I wait to see if she’s going to answer.
“Rafael?”
The sound of my name knocks the breath out of my lungs, and I exhale slowly. “Yeah,” I say, my voice hoarse and unsteady. “Hi, Mom.”
“How did you get this number?” she demands.
The fear in her tone is palpable even through the phone, and I grit my teeth. What reason does she have to be afraid of me? What have I ever done to her?
“I was worried about you,” I say, sidestepping the question entirely.
“Is your father there?” She sounds stronger somehow, which should be a relief but only makes me defensive.
“What? Of course not,” I say. “I’m not calling for him. I’m calling for me. You bailed on me!”
“Don’t give him this number. Don’t—” Mom bites off her words. “I didn’t bail on you. But you’re putting me in danger by calling.”
Her words hurt.
I try to put myself in her shoes. I understand why she’s so afraid. I can’t stop her words from devastating me all the same.
“You could’ve told me something, anything,” I snap at her. “I thought you were dead. I thought he’d killed you.”
“He would have known.” Mom pauses, that silence so similar to all the words we never spoke in our house. “You’re grown now. You can take care of yourself. You don’t need me.”
“You’re my mother,” I say. “I’ve always needed you.”
But that hadn’t mattered. She’d stepped away, closed her eyes, and pretended everything was fine when it had been anything but.
I understand it on some level. She hadn’t wanted to turn his ire on her. She probably hadn’t known what to do.
Except leave, and she’d waited until I was gone to do that.
She’d protected herself in a way she’d never protected me.
“Now you know I’m alive,” she says. “There’s nothing else. Don’t contact me again.”
She hangs up on me.
I stand there for a moment, my jaw working with anger and pain.
I want to throw my phone, an irrational but almost uncontrollable urge that I have to fight against as I force myself to breathe. I shove it back into my pocket instead, then I tear the piece of paper up into so many tiny shreds before letting them float into the wind and settle into the snow.
It’s mostly a performative gesture; her number is still in my phone.
I’ll fix that later.
For now, I need to do something about the anger that’s settled deep inside of me.
I want to go to Pandora, but I remember the last time I’d gone to her with my feelings twisted up deep inside. She hadn’t understood about Franklin, and I’m not sure she’ll understand about this, either.
I have nowhere else to go.
I could try to talk to Blaze or Asch, but the person I really want is Pandora.
I head in the direction of her dorms, avoiding the slushier parts of the sidewalks, and I take the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator.
I knock on the door, waiting impatiently for her to open the door.
As soon as the door opens, I pull Pandora into my arms. She squeaks, but she returns the embrace.
“Wow. Are you that hard up, River?” she asks with amusement. “Well, you’re in luck. Pandora’s box is open for you.”
I wonder if Pandora would ever disappear on me like my mom had.
I release her and step inside next to her.
“No, not that hard up. I just… need to talk, that’s all,” I tell her, desperately forcing my voice to remain calm.
I can’t tell her about my mother. “Your uncle paid me a visit. You can expect a phone call later.” I glance in the direction of Samantha’s room. “We should go talk in your room.”
I don’t need Samantha overhearing any of this.
Pandora nods. I only realize now that she isn’t dressed in anything provocative, just sweats and a long sweater. She isn’t wearing any makeup, either.
None of that detracts from her beauty.
“Uncle Slayer was here?” Pandora leads us into her room. “Why?”
“Partially to give me something,” I say. “Mostly to check on you. He wanted me to remind you that your family wants to help with anything you need. I said that was up to you.”
Pandora scoffs loudly. “Yeah, I bet they want to help. First Papa, now him?” She clenches her fists. “They should mind their own fucking business.”
Her vehemence surprises me, as much as it soothes me. The choked emotions in my throat are unimportant. I can focus on Pandora instead. “What do you mean?” I ask. “What happened with your papa?”
Pandora sits down on her bed and shakes her head. “Nope! You wanted to see me. We’re here to talk about you! What did he give you?”
“I’m here to talk to you about you,” I remind her. “The other thing can wait. Slayer seemed worried about you.”
“Then maybe he should have talked to me instead of you. Sent me an email. Left a voice message.” Pandora shakes her head. “Fine, I never check my voice messages. But why is he bothering you about that?”
“That’s what I told him,” I tell her. “But maybe it’s not a bad idea to let them help with this whole situation.”
Wouldn’t it be nice if I had people who cared about me like this?
If I had four parents who loved me and wanted to see me, who would go to war for me?
As jealous as I am, I’m glad for it too. I want Pandora to always be safe.
I curl my hand into a fist, and my missing finger throbs again, reminding me of how much Pandora is worth.
“If we let Papa and Uncle Slayer and Daddy help, it’ll mean Mama finds out too,” Pandora says in a brittle tone. “You want to make Mama cry? Is that it?”
“No, I don’t want to make your mama cry,” I tell her.
I know now that my mother wouldn’t cry. Her own safety is more important to her than I am.
“But it would hurt her more if something happened to you, especially something that could be avoided,” I add.
“That ship has kind of sailed.” Pandora gets off the bed and walks over to Echo’s enclosure. She takes Echo out and lets the snake curl around her arm. “Why are we talking about me? It’s always about me. Be selfish, River.”
“I tried that,” I snap. “Okay? I called my mom. That’s why Slayer was here. He gave me her number, and I called her, and she told me to never contact her again.”