26. Asch
ASCH
The logistics of Blaze’s plan are a nightmare, but nothing in comparison to what Pandora wants.
Pandora
Don’t forget the chopping block in the ring! With a big guillotine in the center!
River and I exchange a look.
“I’m not sourcing a guillotine,” I say, deadpan.
“But she wants theater,” River replies. “She deserves theater.”
I roll my eyes. “Guillotines are so old-fashioned. Doesn’t she prefer table saws, anyway?”
The words are flippant, but I can’t help but feel apprehensive about the whole thing. There are so many ways it can all go wrong, and that starts with how to get Allers away from the crowd to a place where we can end him as painfully and slowly as Pandora and River want.
He’s not the only one who deserves that kind of death, but sending a message is important.
Never mind that it’ll probably bring more assassins down on us if Blaze can’t somehow get his father off our backs.
“No place to plug one in,” River says. “Then again, there are heavy duty extension cords.”
“Yeah, no,” I say.
“I’m only kidding,” River tells me. “Mostly.”
Yeah. It’s the mostly part that worries me.
The admin office is thankfully empty, or else our conversation would be giving more than one person pause. We’ve already set up all the invites, but we needed an official seal of approval—one Dean Stringer very reluctantly gave us.
I don’t know why Blaze couldn’t do it himself.
No wait, I do know why.
“I’ve got to deal with the frat. You handle the admin. Just remind Dean Stringer what’ll happen if he refuses.”
Stringer was not happy about any of this, but River and I didn’t give him a choice.
“So that’s the guest list sorted.” I open my phone and tab to the document Blaze set up. “Refreshments are ordered, Fenrir reached out so that’s all set, and then we need…”
Somebody parks himself in front of us in the hallway.
River and I both stop and tense in apprehension.
It’s Reaper, standing several inches taller than both of us. He’s in his usual leather jacket and black jeans. The shirt underneath looks much too thin for this cold. His long black hair hangs loose at his shoulders.
“Alvarado,” Reaper says. “What the fuck is this?” He holds out his phone to show me a string of texts.
Pandora
Need you to show up and look scary at the fundraiser next weekend!
Bring all your friends.
Except Kratos. Don’t bring him.
Beat him up and send him home in a box if he insists.
“Pandora being Pandora?” I venture.
Reaper does not look amused.
I rake my hand through my hair. “We’re doing a fundraiser with some special guests who need to be intimidated a little bit,” I say. “What she meant to say is that we’d appreciate it if you and your friends could show up.”
“All of Nu Rho Kappa Upsilon,” River says. “And if you show up with motorcycles, even better.”
“I’m not helping fundraise for your frat house,” Reaper says flatly. “I’m glad it burned down.”
Yeah, I’m sure he is. I’m sure a lot of people are.
“It’s the least you could do,” River says, with a lot more bite than I expect. “After what you did. I haven’t forgotten about Franklin.”
I don’t think it was a hundred percent Reaper’s fault, but I’m never going to say that to River.
“Neither have I,” I say anyway. “Besides, it’s not about the frat house. It’s more complicated than that.”
Reaper folds his arms across himself. “So what’s that got to do with me? I don’t give a fuck about you Chaos assholes.”
My eye twitches in annoyance. “But you care about Pandora, right? And Carly, and Samantha?”
That’s what Pandora had said, anyway.
I can’t help but wonder how close Pandora is to Reaper. She’d been awfully close to him the one time I’d seen them in public, and I know she hangs out with him and Carly sometimes. I don’t want to be jealous, but…
Maybe it would be better not to have him helping us.
My words have their intended effect, though, because Reaper narrows his eyes. “What does this have to do with them? Other than Pandora’s wild plans. She’s dragging Carly into all sorts of shit.”
River steps forward, chin up, and meets Reaper’s gaze. “You want revenge for what happened to Carly? This is going to get you there. Forget masked attacks against a bunch of people who can barely defend themselves. You’ll be hitting people in power. You can cut off the head of the hydra.”
Reaper stares at River, and the two of them are silent while they continue their little mental pissing contest.
“Forget it,” I say harshly. “We don’t need Reaper. We’ve got Fenrir already.”
Reaper snaps his head in my direction. “Winters is helping you?”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “He’s going up against River for the main event. But we need a few other fighters.” I grin at him. “Unless you think you can’t handle me.”
It’s a play I’ve seen Blaze do before—challenge them, belittle them.
Bait them.
Reaper reacts exactly like all the others. He sneers at me. “I can handle you, Alvarado. But I’m not going easy on you. And when I’m done beating you up, I’m telling my entire crew that it’s a free for all.”
“Uh huh,” I say. He talks big, but I’m not impressed. “Beat a man while he’s already down? That’s real classy, Reaper.” I shrug. “But whatever. If you can take me down, tell them what you want.”
I’m not entirely sure I can hold up against Reaper. He’s big, but he’s also fast. I’ve seen him in the fights with River, who has more experience in that arena than I have. I’m good, but I think Reaper’s better.
It doesn’t matter.
I just need to get him there. The rest of it will pan out.
Reaper flips me off. “Yeah. Get ready to be whipped, Alvarado.” He stops and turns to River. “And you can tell Pandora I don’t control Kratos. If she doesn’t want him there, she’ll have to convince him not to show. He’s been bugging me non-stop about what the fuck this is about.”
I have a feeling trying to tell one of Pandora’s siblings what to do will be about as effective as telling her what to do.
“He’s part of your crew,” River says. “If you can’t control him, what kind of a leader are you?”
Reaper growls and takes another step toward River. He raises his arm, but I grab his wrist before he punches River.
“We’re in the fucking admin building,” I hiss at him. “You want to fight us? Show up at the fundraiser.”
Reaper shakes my hand off, then turns to storm off.
I hope that means he’ll be there.
I glance at River. “What the fuck was that? You couldn’t be nice for three seconds?”
“To him?” River sneers. “No. It’s his fucking fault Franklin—”
“No, it’s Tate and Brock’s fault,” I retort, interrupting him. “We need Reaper there. Can you be civil with him for a day?”
River glares at me. “We don’t need him there,” he mutters.
“But it’ll help,” I say.
I glance in the direction of the administrative assistant’s desk, but it’s still empty.
“The more people we have on our side,” I continue, “the more likely this is to work.”
River continues to glower at me, and he crosses his arms against his chest. “Fine,” he mutters. “But only for a day. Only for Pandora.”
I nod, relaxing in my seat. “Thank you,” I say. I eye him. “You’re in a worse mood than usual. What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” River replies.
I arch a brow. “Nothing? This doesn’t seem like nothing.”
He grits his teeth. “Okay, maybe it’s something, but it’s not your fucking business.”
For some reason, that hits me hard, and I’m not sure why. “I thought we were friends,” I say, my voice carefully neutral. “Friends talk about shit.”
“We—” River starts to make a retort, only to cut himself off. “Okay. Yeah.” He licks his lips. “You’re close to your mom, aren’t you?”
The question catches me off guard, but I’m curious to see where he’s going with it. “Yeah,” I tell him. “I mean, we have our issues, but for the most part. She’s the only parent I have.”
River looks past me, his eyes distant. “I don’t have either parent anymore,” he says.
I thought he still had both parents, but I guess the anymore says a lot. I wait for him to continue, nodding to him to let him know he has my full attention.
No one else is around, and even though this is a weird place for a personal conversation, I’m not sure if I’ll get it out of him if I try again later.
“My mom left my dad,” he goes on. “I always thought that if she did, she’d be the mom I’d always wanted her to be. Attentive, loving, thoughtful.”
Like my mom. For all of her faults, she’s always been there for me. Everything I could possibly talk to her about, she’s listened to. There isn’t much I wouldn’t tell her.
Except for everything with Pandora.
She’d be devastated if she ever knew I was involved with anything like that. I can’t ever let her find out.
River sighs and continues staring past me. “I had to get Pandora’s uncle to track her down. She told me never to call her again.”
I grimace.
“And that’s after my dad threw me out,” he continues.
“Fuck,” I mutter. “I’m sorry, River.”
“I don’t give a fuck about my dad,” River replies, shaking his head. “He’s an asshole. But I wanted a mom I could be close to. Now that she doesn’t have to worry about protecting me… I thought she’d try or something.” He laughs, the sound self-deprecating. “I guess I’m too much like him.”
“You’re not an asshole,” I tell him. He isn’t, mostly. From what little I’ve gleaned about River’s family, his dad was worse than just an asshole. “Maybe if you give your mom time?”
He huffs out another laugh. “No. No, she made it pretty clear where she stands.”
“Shit.” I don’t know what to say. Even the thought of my mom ever turning her back on me hurts. I’ve never claimed not to be a mama’s boy. “You stayed with Pandora over Christmas, didn’t you? Her parents let up on you at all?”
River nods. “Yeah, it seems like it might be okay there, at least.” He exhales slowly. “I don’t know, man. I have the rest of the year figured out, but beyond that? No idea.”
“We’ll figure it out,” I say. “I still don’t know whether Blaze’s dad is going to continue his ‘scholarship’ for me. If not… I’m back in New Valence.”
“I don’t even know where to go,” River says, and he looks so dejected that I reach out to pat him on the arm.
“I’d invite you home with me, but we don’t have a spare room or anything,” I say. Besides, I could never let any of them go home with me. The thought alone has me cringing.
“Nah, I’ll be fine,” River says. “But thanks for the thought.” He glances back at the desk as the assistant returns, then tells me, “I should go.”
“Thanks for the help,” I tell him.
He nods, and I watch him go.
I feel bad, but there’s nothing I can do to help him.
I head out of the building, and I step to the side before pulling my phone out of my pocket. It’s late in the afternoon, and my mom is probably working—assuming her new job is still going well—but I need to hear her voice.
“Hey,” I say when she picks up. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting.”
“What’s wrong?” she asks, and I can practically see her full attention focusing on me.
“Nothing,” I tell her. “Really. I just wanted to say hi and that I love you.”
“I love you too,” she replies. “But are you positive nothing is going on?”
“A lot of things are going on,” I say. “But I have them handled. Look, I…” I falter. “I know I said we’d talk when I was home, and we really didn’t, but things are okay, right?”
“Of course they are,” she says. “What’s this really about, Asch?”
“Dad,” I find myself saying. “What really happened to him?”
She’s silent for a moment. “All the Bouchards would say was that there was an ‘accident’ at work,” she finally says when I’m about to prompt her. “He did a lot of things for them, things he couldn’t talk about. Things he wouldn’t talk about, because it would’ve put us in danger.”
I understand why now.
I wish I didn’t.
“Why?” she asks.
“I was just curious. We never talk about him,” I say. We talk a lot, but I realize that we don’t talk about her much either. Beyond the impact her mental health has had on me, along with the hoarding, I don’t know much about my own mother.
“I’ll tell you more about him,” she tells me. “Anything in particular you want to know?”
“Not… not right now,” I reply. “I’m on campus. I really did just want to say hello.”
And maybe start repairing some of the damage that’s been done to our relationship in the wake of so many shitty realizations.
I should’ve talked to her more when I was at home, but I’d been so ashamed and overwhelmed that I’d let it get in the way of everything that had really mattered.
I’m suddenly aware that I could be like my dad.
Gone from one day to the next, in service to a Bouchard—and a Pavone.
It should bother me more.
I’d do it for either of them.
But I don’t want my mother to suffer for it.
“Okay,” she says. “But you’ll call me later?” She sounds so fragile, so hopeful.
“Yeah,” I say. “I have a lot going on this weekend, but after? We’ll have a long talk.”
“I’d like that,” she replies. “I’ll look forward to it.”
I nod. “Me too. Love you.”
“I love you too, Asch. Very much.”
“Talk to you later,” I tell her.
When I end the call, I feel like a weight has been lifted.
I don’t know what’s going to happen this weekend.
I don’t know if I’m even going to get through it in one piece, or without ending up in jail. But at the very least, I’ve had this conversation, and it’s worth something to me.
My phone buzzes, and I expect to see a text from my mother. It’s Pandora in the group chat, though.
Pandora
Did you know they don’t even manufacture guillotines anymore? WTF? That’s such a perfect stocking stuffer though.
Blaze
Your stockings are bigger than mine.
Pandora
Everything about me is bigger than you, Blabe.
I roll my eyes.
At least they’re acting normal, even if nobody else is.
I imagine dropping everything and going home to my mom right now. I’d leave Pandora and Blaze and even River to fend for themselves.
I’d be safe.
My mom wouldn’t need to worry.
But my heart clenches at the thought of never seeing Pandora again. It’s a physical pain, one that would haunt me forever.
I can’t trust Pandora and Blaze to stay out of trouble, and River can’t protect both of them on his own.
They need me.
“Sorry, Mom,” I whisper. “Looks like I’m way too much like Dad.”
Let’s hope I don’t meet the same fate.