27. Pandora #2
He’s being a leader now.
Asch has figured out how to derail the smaller arguments, while River is quick to leap to my defense.
Fucking perfect, all three of them.
It’s too bad they ended up with me, huh.
I look at the corner of the dining room I’ve been avoiding, where a small red drip makes its way down the wall and to the fancy hardwood floor.
A real leak, that my brain has turned red?
Or a completely innocent white wall?
It would be nice to know.
At least when I’m cutting up Allers, I’ll know the blood is real.
“I’m ordering food,” Asch announces. “If anyone has allergies, tell me now.”
That seems to be the end of the meeting. Everybody gets up to disperse, moving to the much more comfortable living room.
Mel and I are the only ones who stay in the dining room.
“Why did you really come?” I ask her softly. “You hate this kind of shit.”
Mel bites her bottom lip. “I know I don’t always act like it, but I am part of this family, Pandora.” Her voice is resigned rather than sharp, and she shrugs. “You need help.”
The hair on the back of my neck rises.
What does she know?
What has she seen?
“I don’t,” I hiss. “I’m fine. Did somebody tell you something? Did Papa?”
The air around Mel turns dark, leaving her starkly pale in contrast.
She shakes her head. “Papa doesn’t talk to me.
But I heard the twins arguing. Uncle Slayer said you ignored his calls.
Everyone’s worried, and you won’t talk to any of us.
I know why you won’t talk to me, but…” She closes her eyes briefly, and tears cling to her lashes when she opens them again.
“I’m still your sister, Pandora. I want to help you. ”
I should say something reassuring.
I could get up and hug her, even though we rarely touch.
I could thank her for caring.
I could tell her the truth.
But all that comes out of my mouth is, “It’s none of your business.”
Mel flinches like I just slapped her. “Okay.” She fumbles with the glass of water in front of her and takes a sip, and I see the way she blinks several times.
Snitches get murder.
She wanted to snitch on me.
What would her throat look like, all pale white with a single line of red across it?
Fuck.
Fuck, I don’t want to see that.
An apology. I need to apologize. I just need to say something nice to her.
Fenrir walks in. “Hey. The food’s here.” He grabs the sodas that are on the table. “By the way, I love your outfit, Mel.”
Mel startles, then looks up at him. She looks confused, but she says, “Thank you. I love your tattoo.” She gestures to his throat and the wolf tattooed there.
He grins. “Thanks. It was a bitch and half to get it done. I’m probably due a touch-up soon.”
“Don’t flirt with my sister,” I say viciously. “She’s too young for you anyway.”
Fenrir looks taken aback. “Uh. I wasn’t flirting? And if you want to be a bitch, go take it out on River. He’s the one with a hard-on for abuse.”
I flip him off and storm out of the room.
Asch calls out to me, but I take the stairs up two at a time to hole up in Blaze’s bedroom.
I need to keep it together.
Once we take care of Allers, I’ll be normal again.
No more weird hallucinations.
No more fantasies of killing my sister.
No more needles stabbing through my skin, puncturing me, leaving me a seeping, pocked mess.
Someone knocks on the door, but before I can tell them to go away, it opens and Asch steps into the room. He takes one look at my expression and closes the door behind him.
“Hey,” he says, crossing over to sit next to me on the bed. “What happened? Do I need to beat up Fenrir for something?”
“No.” I pull the pillow tighter against my chest. “Somebody should probably beat me up.”
“They’d better not,” Asch says, wrapping an arm around me. “Seriously, though. What happened? I thought plans were going well. You know, besides all the bickering and grandstanding and everything.”
“Everything’s perfect.” I let go of the pillow and roll so I’m facing him. I trace a line down his neck.
I can feel his pulse.
What is it like, to know that you’re a real person with a real heart?
I couldn’t even comfort River properly. I’d almost told him we could go murder his bitch of a mother.
He would have hated me again.
“I can tell, what with the way you ran upstairs,” Asch says, but his voice is gentle. He’s so gentle these days, nothing like what he’d been when we’d first met. “C’mon, Pandora. Talk to me.”
I press my lips against his and drag my nails down his neck.
Asch shivers, his arm tightening around me.
“Fuck me up,” I whisper in between kisses. “Mark me. Make me bleed for you, Asch.”
“With your brothers downstairs?” he asks. “They’d set me on fire.”
When did he turn into such a pussy?
I growl and pull his shirt up. “They won’t. And who cares, anyway? Do it. Come on, Asch. Fuck me.”
Asch lets me take his shirt off, revealing his muscled chest, then grabs my wrists and squeezes tight. “That what you really want?” he asks. “Or are you just trying to distract yourself? Fenrir said your sister was crying.”
I let out a cruel laugh. “She’s always crying.
She shouldn’t be here, anyway.” I try to pull my hands free so I can remove my sweater, but he grips me tighter.
“Asch. Come on. Be rough with me. I know you like it. Imagine, me bleeding for you. You can write your name on my skin. I’ll even let you use my knife. ”
Asch massages my wrists. “When all of this is done, I’ll fuck you senseless,” he promises. “I’ll cut you up, I’ll hurt you, I’ll make you scream. But right now, we can’t afford to be distracted.”
I shake my head with a whine. “My blood, everywhere. On the sheets. The walls. Pouring out of the hole in my chest.” From the way Asch’s eyes widen, I realize that was the wrong thing to say. I quickly add, “That was a joke.”
“Was it?” Asch asks, his expression dark.
“Well, what else would it have been?” I laugh, but he’s right, it’s not funny. I end up with my head against his shoulder, laughing to myself, while he strokes my back.
I’m sure he’s trying to be soothing, but all it does is remind me of how fucking broken I am.
“I need to see him dead,” I whisper. “I need Rachel to be avenged.”
“And she will be,” Asch replies. “That’s what all of this is about. That’s why we need to stay focused. I need you in one piece.” He kisses my forehead, then brushes his lips lightly against mine far too chastely.
I let him kiss me, barely reciprocating. It feels good despite how boring it is, and my breathing steadies.
There’s a brief knock on the door, then Blaze walks in.
“Okay, if you two want food, you need to come down,” Blaze says. “Kratos and Ares could probably eat all of it on their own. River’s doing everything he can to save your portions.”
He eyes us both, but he doesn’t say anything about how we look.
I nod, still clinging to Asch. “Okay. Thanks. Maybe I’m hangry. Or, wait, how do I combine horny and hungry? Horngry?”
Asch rolls his eyes. “We’ll workshop it.” He stands up and offers his hand to me. “Let’s get something to eat before there’s nothing left.”
I follow him. When we get to the door, Blaze stops us.
“Blaze?” I force myself to smile.
Blaze leans closer to Asch, and with me watching, kisses him full on the lips. Asch blinks, looking as surprised as I am, but he kisses back after only a moment of hesitation.
Huh. My chest is warm, but not like it wants to shatter from the inside out.
They pull apart, and Blaze turns to me. He presses his lips against mine, more forcefully than Asch had. I kiss back, chasing the lingering taste of Asch.
“Okay,” Blaze says. “You’re fine, Pandora.”
I laugh. “Sure.”
If Blaze believes it, it must be true, right?
Or, more likely, it means I’m even worse than I thought.