Chapter 54
MAEVE
I was still turning it all over in my mind while I prepped food the next day. It was the day before Christmas Eve, and I’d managed to score the time off thanks to the fact that I’d always been the first one to volunteer for holiday shifts in the past.
The holidays had been hard since June’s murder. Working had helped me keep my mind off the way things used to be, had helped me keep my mind off of all we’d lost.
But now I had a reason not to work and I was in full prep mode, happy to be in the loft cooking while the Christmas tree sparkled in the living room. I’d put on Remy’s Christmas playlist, and even Reva’s fruit cake couldn’t throw me off.
I smiled to myself as I spit a bite into the garbage disposal and dumped the rest.
Maybe I was a secret masochist, but I always tried at least one bite of her food. It seemed impossible that someone could cook as much as she did and continue to be terrible at it, but so far she’d proven it wasn’t.
I thought about Ethan and Dimitri Kaprolov while I ran water to soak the fruitcake pan. Their connection seemed important, but I couldn’t quite figure out why. Like so many of the conclusions that seemed just beyond my grasp, the relevance of it all was out of reach.
Even if the two men had stayed friends after Ethan graduated from Aventine, what did it matter?
Jesus, M. Stop. Just enjoy Christmas, for god’s sake.
I was relieved to hear from June. She’d been quiet lately, and I couldn’t help wondering if my life with the Butchers was driving her away.
I am. I’m just thinking.
Anyone ever tell you that you think too much?
Only you, I thought. And you’re not around to do it anymore.
I wondered if I sounded as bitter as I felt.
Not because I don’t want to be, M.
She sounded sad and I tried to focus on cutting cheese for the Christmas-themed charcuterie I was putting together for Bailey’s visit to the loft the next day. I was nervous for her to meet the Butchers, but I knew I owed her that much.
I owed it to the Butchers too. If I wanted them in my life in the future — and I was beginning to admit that I did — I needed to own it. I needed to be proud and not make them feel like I was hiding them. The people I loved — Bailey, my family — would either understand or they wouldn’t.
That part wasn’t my problem, but I still hoped they would.
Bram rushed past me and headed for the stairs for the third time in the last hour.
“Everything okay?” I was slowly getting more comfortable talking to him, asking him questions without expecting him to take my head off.
“Fine,” he grumbled.
I lifted my eyebrows as he took the stairs two at a time. He’d been edgy all day, in and out of the house, up and down the stairs.
I finished the cheese and bagged each kind separately so the flavors wouldn’t transfer, then started on the aged salami I’d bought from a butcher I hadn’t known existed in Southside. The meat was incredible, and I cursed myself for never venturing into that part of town in my previous life.
Now I knew what I’d been missing. Namely, donuts and salami.
Bram came back up a few minutes later, looking harried.
“Hey.” He looked up at the sound of my voice. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” He sounded like a kid caught writing on the wall in crayon.
I walked around the island. “Talk to me, Bram. What’s happening right now?”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I guess I might as well do it.”
“Do… what?”
He held up a finger. “Wait here.”
He was starting to make me nervous. “What is going on?”
“I’ll be right back.”
I leaned against the island and waited, trying to guess what was happening. I had nothing.
A few minutes later I heard him talking at the foot of the stairs, which was weird because I knew for a fact that Poe wasn’t in his studio — he was in the gym with Remy.
Bram’s boots were heavy on the staircase and a minute later he emerged into the loft’s great room.
But he wasn’t alone. He was carrying the yellow dog, who had a haphazardly-tied, floppy red ribbon around his neck.
The dog whined when he saw me and his tail wagged furiously.
“You're bringing him into the house?” I walked over to pet his head. “Hi, boy. Nice to see you.”
“I’m not just bringing him into the house,” Bram said. “I’m giving him to you.”
I shook my head. “What are you talking about?”
“I know you said June was the dog lover, but you really seem to like this little guy, and he really seems to like you. And then it was getting really cold outside, so I took him to the vet to get a check-up and then I took him to the groomers to get him a bath, and then I kept him in Poe’s studio for the past two nights to keep him warm, trying to wait until Christmas.
But he kept barking and I was sure you could hear it, so I kept going downstairs to make sure he was okay and to play with him and stuff, but then you noticed and… well, I guess the jig is up.”
Now that he mentioned the groomers, I could feel that the dog was softer and cleaner than usual.
I bent my head to nuzzle his neck. And that was when the rest of what Bram had said hit me. “Wait… you’re giving me this dog?”
He nodded. “Ray. I’m giving you Ray.”
“His name’s… Ray?”
“Well, it’s just what I’ve been calling him. You can name him whatever you want, but doesn’t he look like a Ray to you?”
I studied the dog, then nodded. “Actually, he does.”
“Ray here is your Christmas present. And don’t worry, he doesn’t belong to anyone, or at least the vet doesn’t think he does because he doesn’t have a chip and he hasn’t been taken care of.
And also, I’ll help you take care of him if you want.
Cassie said it was presumptuous to assume someone wanted to take care of an animal for the next ten years. ”
“Ten years?” I was just repeating stuff at this point, and who could blame me?
Bram had taken the dog to the vet. And the groomer. He’d talked to Cassie about the dog as a gift for me. He’d kept it a secret for days, had been feeding and caring for the dog in Poe’s studio.
The number of unbelievable things were too numerous to get my head around.
“Well, the vet says he’s about three years old, so yeah. Ten years give or take.”
“I can’t believe you did this.”
“Are you mad? Or… I don’t know, disappointed or something?”
I shook my head and looked up into his eyes. “No, I’m not mad or disappointed Bram.”
“So you’re… happy?”
I couldn’t hold back my smile. I didn’t want to.
“I’m happy. Really, really happy.” I threw my arms around him and Ray on impulse. “Thank you so much.”
He froze, and then I felt his arms come around me, and in that moment, I was pretty sure nothing had ever felt better.