Chapter 66 Maeve
MAEVE
I didn’t cry. Not even after they were gone.
I’d cried all my tears for June, and whether I liked it or not, Ethan Todd was part of the pact I’d made with the Butchers.
He was as intertwined with our relationship as he was with my memories of June, a specter shadowing my life and everything in it, including the Butchers.
I’d felt a vacuum in Bram when I’d met him, knew everyone else felt it too, could tell by the way they gave him a wide berth on the street, the way they pretended he wasn’t there.
But I knew now that the vacuum at Bram’s center wasn’t a black hole to be afraid of: it was the eye of a storm, quiet and still, a refuge from everything else that had torn my life apart.
Ethan Todd had a vacuum too, but his was a dark and malevolent force, an emptiness that poisoned, that killed everything good in its path. The world would be a better place without him.
It wasn’t a realization I’d come to lightly. Who was I to decide?
But he’d decided for June, for all the women he claimed were nothing but toys to be used and controlled. And there were too many men out there who were just lonely and confused enough — like Chris — to listen. Too many women trying to make them feel better — like June — at their own expense.
The world had gone dark and quiet after June’s murder.
Chris had snuffed out the light in her eyes.
Now there was no June to squeal over every dog, even the ugly ones.
There was no June to paint the world with her too-muchness.
There would be no little Junes someday, no little girls like she’d been who would leave chaos in their wake and somehow make the world seem better for it.
The world would be brighter without Ethan Todd. I was sure of it, and I was willing to accept the burden of making that decision.
Ray whined from his new bed in the living room, like he knew what I was thinking.
“It’s okay, boy.” I took a deep breath. “It’s okay.”
He followed me upstairs and lay on the bed while I cleaned up my hand. I’d gotten used to the way he followed me around like a shadow and I could hardly remember what it had been like before he’d been part of my life.
You’d love him, I thought, hoping June could hear.
I love you, M.
A lump rose in my throat. I love you too.
My hand hurt, but not as much as it had hurt to let the Butchers go, and I was glad I’d bled for them before they did the thing for me that no one else in the world would have done.
Once my hand was bandaged, I got in the shower. I’d have to put a fresh bandage on afterwards, but it was better than bleeding all over the shower floor.
A half hour later, my hand was freshly bandaged and dry, and I’d put on a green velour track suit and combed out my wet hair.
I headed for the living room with Ray on my heels.
I thought about catching up on Ethan Todd videos or even touching base with the girls in our encrypted chat — I hadn’t been in touch for forever — but decide to try and watch a mindless TV show instead.
In a few more hours, Ethan Todd’s videos wouldn’t matter. He'd be out of our lives for good.