15. Nolan
Chapter 15
Nolan
W hat the fuck was I thinking making plans with a woman when my bitch of a mother-in-law was coming over? From the moment she steps into my house just after six, the interrogation begins.
“Why are you so spoofed up?” Susanne doesn’t even get through the door before she makes me wish I’d offered to drop the girls off at Stacy’s. “I’m not here so you can go out with some young thing and act a fool.”
The only reason I didn’t offer to drop them off was because I figured Stacy and Levi needed a break. I’m sure she’s been lovely to live with. I can take one for the team. At least I’m leaving in twenty minutes and won’t be back until it’s time for her to go home. Three hours. Back in time to get Mollie and Kellie to bed. But not enough time to do all the things I’d love to do with Bethany.
“The girls are finishing up their homework.” I make a conscious decision not to respond. “They’re really looking forward to hanging out with you tonight. Dinner is on the stove. If you’re hungry, help yourself. Kellie made chicken and dumplings.”
Susanne, her face a mask of disappointment, kicks off her shoes. “Your daughter cooks dinner for you? That’s terrible.”
“No. I was planning on making something else. Enchiladas. She didn’t want them and told me she wanted to try to make her mother’s dumplings. Once we checked the cabinets for all the ingredients, your granddaughter shooed me out of the kitchen while she and Mollie got started. She used the chicken I cooked for the enchiladas, so all she had to do was make some broth and dumplings.” Closing the door, I plaster on my best smile. “She loves cooking. She and Cora do menu planning using Stephanie’s old cookbooks. It’s a way for her to feel close to her mother, who also loved to cook. And she’s pretty damn good at it.”
Before I lose my temper, I turn and head to the kitchen. “Girls, your grandmother is here.”
Standing in her chair, Mollie lets out a high-pitched shriek that’s excruciating to my ears. She loves her grandmother, and I would never do anything to keep them from spending time together. And at four, she’s oblivious to so much of the animosity between Susanne and me. Her love for them is the biggest reason I said yes when my mother-in-law called and asked if she could come tonight, nothing else.
Kellie, on the other hand, is old enough to know things are tense. She also remembers how things were when Stephanie was alive. Things between her and Susanne were not pleasant and sometimes there would be yelling, mostly from my wife, when her mother said hurtful things and pointed out what she was doing wrong—in her eyes. She’s overheard her grandmother bash me and her father, grouping us together as loser men Stephanie got involved with. So, while she loves her grandmother, she’s learned to walk lightly around her.
“I’m almost done with my homework.” She’s working on her math, using a calculator to check her work.
“Are you supposed to be using a calculator?” Placing her bag on the table, Susanne scoops Mollie into her arms. “You can’t learn how to do it if you rely on that to do the work for you.”
Kellie’s eyes widen as she looks between me and her grandmother. “Our teacher said we could.”
“Yes, but?—”
“She’s fine. Trust me when I tell you Kellie can add and subtract faster than that calculator. She’s just checking her work.” I cut Susanne off, not about to let her put my daughter down by making her feel like she’s failing because she’s using a device we all used once we finished middle school math. “Mollie, why don’t you show Grammy your room? She hasn’t been here since we painted it. I bet she’s gonna love it.”
“It’s purple with one pink wall.” Mollie wiggles out of Susanne’s arms and then grabs her hand. “Come on. I have a pony house too. And fairies in my closet.”
They leave, and I can hear Mollie chatting it up with her all the way to her room on the second floor. Her presence is the much-needed distraction, a calming buffer against the evening’s potential anxieties.
“Don’t let her get to you, Kellie.” I take a seat next to her and wink. “She has good intentions, but not the best at knowing how to voice them without judgement.”
“It’s fine.” Closing her spiral notebook, Kellie tosses it and her calculator into her backpack. “I heard her start in on you, too. Ignore her. You look nice. Are you taking Miss Bethany out?”
“I am. Are you okay with that?” It seems like something I should ask.
I’ve never gone out with someone since Stephanie’s death. Haven’t really wanted to. It felt like I was cheating. The thought of moving on doesn’t sting as much as it used to. Though I’m moving forward with my life and exploring a new relationship, it doesn’t diminish the memories I have of Stephanie. I could never forget her, nor would I want to. And the person I may end up with shouldn’t want me to.
Kellie lights up in a way I haven’t seen her do in a very long time. “Remember when you and Mom started dating?”
“Like it was yesterday.” The absolute truth.
Stephanie was at a bar out with her friends. I approached her and asked her to dance. She did, but added that dancing was as far as things would go. Flat out said she wasn’t some easy fuck, so if that’s what I was looking for, then I should move on to someone else. We danced all night, and I never once tried to do more than dance with her, which I think surprised her given all the drinks we were consuming. When the night was over and her friends were ready to go, I gave her my number. Told her I wanted to go out with her again and if she wanted that too, to text me. Three days later, I received a text from an unknown number.
UNKNOWN:
You should know I’m a package deal. I have a kid. She’s three and a handful. Dating me won’t be easy and sometimes I’ll have to say no because she comes first. You’ll meet her when you’ve proven yourself worthy, not before. And I don’t fuck around. I’m not saying we won’t, but it won’t happen right away. If I haven’t scared you off yet, then meet me at the Starbucks off Victory near Savannah State. I’ll be there at 3:30. Give you until 4:00. If you don’t show, I’ll assume I scared you off, and that’s cool. I still had fun the other night.
ME:
I’ll be there as long as we don’t get a call.
ME:
And if that happens, I’ll text you, so you know I didn’t stand you up.
I’ll never forget her face when the firetruck pulled up, and I jumped out with three other guys. I was the rookie at Station 8, been on the job about a year. I was the new driver and talked them into grabbing a late lunch and coffee. We had to use the truck because we were on duty and had to be ready to respond to any calls. Which meant I dealt with the guys harassing me about tricking them into getting coffee so I could talk to some cute chick. Then watched her blush when she realized that instead of asking for her to reschedule, I’d dragged my crew along with me. Just so the two of us could talk during her very rare hour of free time she had before picking her daughter up from daycare.
That sweet kid smiles at me now. “Me too. I remember the story of Mom gushing over the cute firefighter whenever you two went out. That’s what Aunt Stacy called you when she came over to watch me. The cute firefighter who was about to light a match and set mom on fire. Mom told me I cried, thinking you were really going to do that. And how they laughed and then tried to explain to a three-year-old what that meant without actually saying it.” Kellie makes a grossed-out face. “I know now and yuck. But hey, it worked out, right? You’re my dad now.”
“And I love being your dad.” I reach across the table and ruffle her hair.
She swats my arm away. “Mom was a good mom before you came along, but she was a much better one after. You added something to her life I couldn’t. Made her a much happier person, making her a better mom.”
Folding her hands on the table, she takes a deep breath. “And you’re an amazing dad, but you were a better one when Mom was here. You’re not as happy as you used to be. You fake it well, but I can tell. Something’s changed since Miss Bethany and you started hanging out. You smile more. You totally light up when you see or think about her. And I know you feel guilty because of Mom, but don’t. She’d want you to find someone new who you could act a fool with.”
Heat rises in her cheeks, staining them a delicate pink. “And yes, I know what Grams was referring to when she said that. But it’s okay to do adult stuff if it’s what you want. Gross, but okay.” She makes a cute gagging face before she continues. “You don’t have to marry her, but maybe a little fun will help you heal. Remind you what being happy feels like. Again, please do not share or do any of the adult crap near me.”
A chuckle escapes me as I tousle her hair. “Wouldn’t dare.”
Rolling her eyes, she bats my hand away again. “No one could ever replace Mom, but maybe someone else would be a good fit for us. It might be Bethany, it might not, but there’s only one way to find out. So, yeah, I’m totally okay with it. Thanks for asking.”
“Thank you.” I lay my hand on her arm. “You are so much like your mother. And you’re right. Which is why I’m going to do my best to do just that. For now, Miss Bethany and I are testing the waters. There are things we both need to work through and talk about. If it turns into more, I promise to let you know.”
“If what turns into more?” We’re interrupted by Susanne, prompting an eye roll from Kellie. “Are you talking about your lady friend? The one Stacy has been talking about? Who is she? Where did you meet this one? I don’t want you bringing anyone around the girls without me meeting them first.”
Pushing my chair back from the table, I stand. “First, that’s not how it works. You don’t get a say.”
“Why? I should. I’m Stephanie’s mother and these girls are hers. I should get a say in the woman you date to make sure she’s good enough for them.” With a look of pure ice, Susanne glares at me. “The only good thing that you did for my daughter was creating that precious little girl upstairs.”
Kellie pounds her fist on the table, the sound echoing loudly in the room. “That’s not true. Don’t speak to my dad like that. Mom wouldn’t like it and you’re wrong. He’s the best thing that happened to her and you’d have known that if you were around more.”
“You’re a child, Kellie. You don’t understand.” With a curt nod, Susanne dismisses my daughter, the same dismissive flick of the wrist she used countless times on her mother. “Stay out of the adult topics. It’s rude.”
Now it’s my turn to speak up. “Don’t. You don’t get to come in here and interrupt us by telling my daughter she doesn’t understand. If anyone does, it’s her. You will respect her opinion, even if you don’t agree with it.”
Susanne’s face puckers up. It looks like she’s sucked on a bunch of sour lemons. “Fine. If you don’t care, then why should I? But when this all blows up, don’t go blaming me. I bet she’s only with you because she has some fantasy about firefighters. It will only take her once to realize how the fantasy is so much better than the reality of it all.”
Kellie picks up her backpack and walks out of the kitchen to put it away. Like her mother, she hates it when Susanne starts and would rather leave than argue with her. I don’t blame her. Sometimes it’s better to just let it go than to poke the bear. But I’m better at stirring up trouble than walking away.
“My date mentioned something about a firefighter fantasy. One I plan on helping her live out after dinner. And I can promise you this, Susanne.” I grab the back of the chair in front of me and lean forward. “She won’t be disappointed, just like your daughter never was. In fact, it’ll be better than any fantasy she can dream up. Have her begging me for more before it’s all said and done. Just like Stephanie did multiple times when I fucked her so good she’d pass out on me. Have you ever been fucked that good, Susanne?” My expression turns into a frown as I scan her from top to bottom. “I doubt it.”
Susanne gasps and her jaw drops open before she picks it up and points her finger at me. “Real men make love; they don’t do that .”
“And the only women who say that are ones who’ve never experienced raw carnal sweaty sex. You know, the kind that makes her toes curl and has her begging you to let her come.” From my pocket, I retrieve my truck keys. “Thanks for watching the girls. A good hard fuck is exactly what I need after dealing with you. Now I understand why Stephanie always came home and attacked me like a wild woman after spending a day with you. Had I known, I’d have sent you flowers with a thank you card attached.”
Kellie laughs at the top of the stairs, where she’s holding Mollie’s hand. As soon as I’m done ranting, she lets her sister’s hand go so my baby can come tell me goodbye. I catch her midair, like always, and squeeze her against my chest.
“Have fun, pumpkin.” I kiss her cheek. “Be good for Grammy.”
“What’s raw carnal sweaty sex? Is that what you’re gonna do with Miss Bethany? Will that help her get better faster? If so, you should do it a lot so she can walk around without help.” Mollie grabs my face. “I like her, Daddy. So, make sure you do it real good, okay?”
My eyes lock with Kellie’s, who can barely make it down the stairs because she’s laughing so hard.
“It should help her get better. And it’s an adult thing that only we can do. Kids shouldn’t even talk about it, okay? Kind of like fornicating, but better, remember how we talked about Cora and Troy doing that because they loved each other.”
“When I walked in on them?” She covers her eyes. “I saw hims butt.”
I chuckle and kiss her nose. “Yep. That. But it’s better, and that’s all you need to know. Be good.”
“Always am.” She kisses me back. “And you fornicate with Miss Bethany if that will help. I think you should. It made Cora feel better, so I’m sure it will help her too. Love you.”
Kellie can only laugh as she kisses my cheek and then she takes her sister into the living room, where her grandmother is standing with a look of shock and disgust pasted on her face. I should feel bad, but I don’t because she brought this all on herself.
“Have fun. I know I will.” I yell over my shoulder as I open the door and leave.