Chapter 18
Eighteen
Callie
What the hell just happened? He drops a bomb like that and says we’ll talk later.
I want to talk now. Well, maybe not right this second.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around his confession.
But this doesn’t feel like a “later” conversation.
It’s for the best, though. We don’t need to chance Lexi walking in on us talking.
I’ve always seen you. Those four words play on repeat as I finish getting ready for bed.
Not once did he give any indication he felt something for me when we were teenagers. I replay as many interactions as I can remember in my mind.
I can’t go down this rabbit hole tonight. Tomorrow is too important. The last thing I need is to look exhausted when I show up to work. It probably wouldn’t give the best impression.
Climbing into bed, I pull the covers over me, snuggling into the warmth. I close my eyes and will my brain to turn off so I can sleep.
No dice. Over an hour later I’m staring at the ceiling, the fire is dying down, and all I can think about is the fact Peter saw me all those years ago.
And did nothing about it. There’s no way I’m going to be able to sleep or start my job tomorrow until I know exactly what’s going on between us. I mean, technically, it is later.
I throw the comforter off me, annoyed I even have to have this conversation in the middle of the night.
My fuzzy slippers are beside the bed and I slide my feet into them as I stand.
I grab the throw blanket from the bottom of the bed and wrap it around myself.
There’s no reason to put actual clothes on right now.
Not when I plan on going back to bed, and this will keep me warm enough.
Hopefully, Peter is still awake. Otherwise, this will be for nothing.
The slippers make a soft shhh sound as I make my way across the room.
I softly pull the door open a crack to see if there’s any noise coming from the rest of the house.
The light under the guest room door is off.
I would never know if Lexi is actually asleep or not.
She sleeps with music playing through her headphones.
There’s a soft glow coming from down the hall, but no sound. The orange is from the fireplace. But it seems like the TV must be on as well. There’s no sound, though.
Opening the door wider, I try to make my steps as silent as possible down the hallway to the living room. I don’t want to wake him up if he’s asleep. At least not right this second.
A shadowy lump is taking up space on the sofa. Peter’s feet hang off the side and I feel horrible for taking his bed. I can fit on here without a problem, but no…he has to inconvenience himself instead.
“Peter?” My voice is loud even though it’s a whisper. He doesn’t move. “Peter.”
This was a bad idea. I turn to head back to the room, but I stop in my tracks.
“Callie? Why are you still awake?”
Instead of his voice being husky from sleep, he sounds completely normal. Maybe his thoughts are bouncing around the way mine have been all night.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Me neither.” He moves until he’s sitting on the sofa and pats the space beside him.
Part of me wants to take the safe option and take a seat in the recliner on the opposite side of the room. But I’ll have to talk louder, and I don’t want to risk waking up Lexi. This is a conversation best had in private. We could always go back to the room, except I don’t trust myself with him.
“What’s on your mind?” I sit down next to him, pulling the blanket tighter around myself. It’s an extra barrier to keep my hands to myself.
“You.”
There’s no elaboration. He merely throws down the gauntlet and remains quiet. I guess it’s up to me.
“Oh.” Stellar comeback, Callie. You sure know how to express yourself. I can’t seem to keep from making an ass in front of him. Even through teenage me was scared to make a move, she wasn’t this flustered around him.
“Yep.” I can see him nod in the faint glow of the TV.
“Well, it’s later. We should probably talk about…well, everything.” Hopefully, that opens the door for him to start the conversation. He’s the one who dropped the bombshell about always noticing me and then walking out of the room.
“I meant what I said earlier. Every time you were acting different, I knew something was wrong. When girls were mean to you, I noticed.”
“Why didn’t you say anything back then? You knew I liked you and didn’t do a damn thing about it.” It would have saved me a lot of heartache. Probably would have kept me in town, too. But I wouldn’t have Lexi if things had played out differently.
“I couldn’t.”
“You realize that’s not a reason, right? I’m gonna need you to elaborate.” Where did this brazen version of me come from? I’ve never had a problem pulling her out with other people, just never Peter.
“You were my best friend’s little sister. That’s a line I wasn’t willing to cross.” He runs a hand through his hair and leans his head back. “I’m sure Miles would have had something to say about it, too. I couldn’t put all of us in a weird situation.”
As if my brother wouldn’t have anything to say now. I know him better than anyone, even Peter. He’ll talk crap for a bit and move on. He’s the most laid-back person I’ve ever known, aside from some of Peter’s brothers.
“Do you think my brother was oblivious? He knew I had a crush on you then, but never said anything about it. Do you honestly think he wouldn’t say anything now?”
I swear, we could go round and round like this.
“He would.”
“So why tell me now?”
“Well, you didn’t give me a chance to tell you when you graduated. You didn’t stay for the summer or anything. Just booked up to Oklahoma and never looked back.” Okay, that stings. Maybe I should have stuck around longer. “But we’re adults now. And you’re here. You bought a house. You’re staying.”
This is the most sure of himself he’s sounded since we reconnected on New Year’s. Any other time he’s tried saying something serious it’s come out in a jumble of words.
“Is that why you did all this?” I wave my hand around to include his house. “So, you could take your shot with me?”
“No.” The word is out of his mouth without hesitation. “I told you it’s because you needed a place to stay. I’m not the type to use subversion to get what I want.”
“Then I don’t understand. It’s not like I’ve been sweet to you since I’ve been back. And I have a kid.” It feels sudden. He’s not that type of person. He makes careful decisions, and doesn’t put himself out there. Not like my brother does when he wants something.
He’s silent for a minute, and I worry I’ve said something to upset him. That’s not what I’m trying to do here.
“I’m not sure what Lexi has to do with anything.
” He leans forward again and turns until his eyes meet mine in the light from the TV.
I almost wish he would turn the damn thing off.
It’s distracting. “But I can’t get you out of my head.
Not since the night I brought Alice to you.
I was fine living in my little bubble, trying to keep my sister from pushing me out of my comfort zone.
Then there you are. No longer the kid who used to tag along with us, but a woman.
I don’t know where that leaves us now that you know how I feel. ”
How am I supposed to respond to that? I digest everything he’s said. He isn’t saying anything. I know this took a lot for him to voice. If he’s still the same, as he was when we were kids, he doesn’t talk about his feelings. He does what’s asked of him, and that’s it.
“I can’t promise you anything. Relationships aren’t my top priority.
Hell, it’s not even in my top three. But maybe we can see where things go.
” His face lights up, and I have to take him down a peg.
“Once I’m back home and things are a bit more settled.
I can’t do this when I don’t have a choice but to be around you. We can be just friends until then.”
“Okay.”
That’s it. With all the sharing he’s doing tonight I figured he’d at least push back. I can’t blame him, though. I didn’t really give him an option. It’s this way or nothing. I need to get my life here, in Asheville, figured out before I can even think about a relationship.
“I’m going to bed now.” I stand and head toward the hallway. “Goodnight.”
“Night.” His voice is soft. Like his admissions took everything out of him.
When I get to the room, I look back before entering. He’s watching me. I’m pretty sure he didn’t take his eyes off me once as I left the living room. The shiver of pleasure that runs through my body at the thought shouldn’t make me happy, but it does.
Peter is already gone when Lexi and I leave the house.
If I didn’t have to work today, I’d be sleeping in.
He’s not that type of person, though. I’m not sure he knows how to sit still and relax.
Not that I have any room to talk. My hands always have to be busy.
It’s the whole reason I crochet while watching TV or doing anything that doesn’t require my full focus.
“Do I have to go to school today?” Lexi whines from the passenger seat.
“You haven’t been to school in like a week. Yes, you need to go. Besides, don’t you have plans afterward?”
“Oh yeah.” She snaps her fingers. “I almost forgot about that. We’re going to have so much fun.”
“What are y’all doing?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. But whatever it is, we’ll have a blast.”
“I’m sure you will.” I pull in to the drop off line. “Have a good day at school.”
When we get to the front, she doesn’t immediately jump out like usual. She reaches over and gives me a side hug. “Good luck on your first day at work.”
Now she hops out of the car, slamming the door behind her. She doesn’t realize just how much I need it. I let out a breath and exit the school driveway. Here’s to hoping today goes well. If not, I may get a tub of ice cream to eat as soon as I get to Peter’s house.