Bleu

Chapter 23

Twenty-Three

TRULY

Two weeks later…

“Come on, Lo,” I whispered, smoothing her curls down as she playfully kicked her little legs under the blanket.

“It’s time to go to sleep.” I stifled a fake yawn and smiled.

She giggled and gave me a look that said she was going to give me a hard time tonight.

“I not tired,” she said through a yawn.

I tucked the blanket around her a little tighter, then brushed my fingers over her forehead.

“You sure? Because I think I just saw the tiniest yawn sneak out.” I wiggled my eyebrows, trying to coax another laugh from her. She scrunched up her nose, stubbornly fighting off a smile, and shook her head.

“She gets it from you.” My momma voice sounded off from the doorway.

“No, she don’t.” I laughed as I looked down at Lolani’s heavily hooded eyes.

“GG come.” Lolani called out to my mom.

“I was coming GG baby. Ya mommy got a lot going on downstairs.”

My mom stated sarcastically as she stepped all the way inside of my room. She shut the door behind her to block out Naveah’s and Kenzuri’s loud laughter from downstairs. Excitement coiled inside of me, I just knew the three of us were about to have a damn good time.

Tonight, we were celebrating me having Lolani for two weeks straight. Words couldn’t express properly how happy I was having my baby here with me every single day.

My momma crossed the room with that familiar slow grace and security that she carried each day in this chaotic house with four women.

The soft light of my bedside lamp caught the edges of her smile.

She eased herself onto the bed, and curled up beside Lolani, her arm folded warmly around my Lo Lo’s shoulders.

The mattress dipped with her weight, and for a moment, all the noise from downstairs faded away, and was replaced with our calm energy.

I watched as Lolani nestled into her grandmother’s side, her eyelids lowered, her stubborn grin faded into a sleepy sigh.

My mom smoothed Lolani’s hair with gentle fingers, each touch deliberate, as if she was memorizing every strand for the thousandth time.

I settled in at Lolani’s other side, the three of us cocooned together.

“You know what GG used to tell me?” I said quietly.

I stroked Lo Lo’s cheek softly as she batted her big doe shaped eyes at me.

“She said rest is how you grow strong enough to chase your dreams. You can’t bloom if you never stop moving baby. Don’t you want to grow taller and stronger?” I smiled at her.

“Yes mommy.” She grinned sleepily.

“Okay good, GG will sing you to sleep. I’ll be back to sleep with you soon.” I kissed her cheek then forehead.

“Love youuu.” I cooed.

Slowly, I slipped from out of the bed. Gratitude bloomed in my chest; I was so overwhelmed and consumed with happiness it made my heart ache. Having my daughter here, truly here, safe and present felt like a gift I’d been quietly praying for.

I didn’t need to know the ins and outs of how Bleu brought Aubry around to apologize, didn’t care for the tangled explanation. All I knew was that Bleu had helped open a door, and now my little girl was back where she belonged.

I was thankful for Bleu’s kindness, but more than anything, I was just happy, happy to have my daughter close, where I could tuck her in each night and watch her drift toward dreams in the warmth of my presence.

Aubry hadn’t given me any problems, I was surprised by the mature accountability he took for all of the problems he caused.

“Go on girl, I’ll be in here with her until she falls all the way to sleep.” My mom lifted her head slightly and winked at me.

“Thank you, momma.” I felt myself getting emotional.

“No thank you. That Bleu is a blessing; you got a good man Savannah!” She shot me the peace sign with her fingers.

I laughed and shook my head. Bleu was very smooth, fine and everything positive above. He sure knew how to score brownie points with my parents. In fact, he was the first man that I entertained that they actually approved of.

It was almost unbelievable how seamlessly Bleu fit into our lives, like a missing puzzle piece finally found.

My parents hadn’t warmed up to Aubry not even when he was treating me half decent.

Bleu would come to see me every day when he finished at his office.

My dad let him join us for dinner then he’d wait patiently for me to get Lo Lo to bed.

He hadn’t pressed me for sex; it was him just wanting to be around me before he went home. Bleu claimed seeing me was better than talking on the phone, and that was true as hell, because I loved spending time with him.

The other day, he and my dad were in the kitchen along with my mom.

My dad claimed he was trying to teach Bleu and my mom how to bake since Thanksgiving was right around the corner.

Seeing my parents’ genuine affection towards Bleu made me feel even more secure in my choices.

I couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, everything was falling into place.

I stood outside my door with the tip of my fingers pressed against the cool wood. My mom hummed lowly to Lo Lo, it sounded soothing. I walked down the hallway with a smile on my face. Soon as I turned the corner to jog down the steps, Calissi bumped right into me.

“Damn bitch, watch where the fuck you walking.” She spat.

Here we go…

Lately, I’d been avoiding Calissi. Her energy towards me since I came home with a new car was weird as hell.

Since Lolani was back here with me, I didn’t want to whoop Calissi ass and bring that energy around my baby.

My online sales from my herbs had been doing good, so I focused on that and doing hair and facials to hurry and get my money up.

Although my relationship with my mom had improved since my date with Bleu, I didn’t want to live here anymore under the same roof with Calissi. I wanted to love my big sister from a distance. It was clear that she was hateful and pissed with me about everything that went wrong in her life.

“Calissi, please.” I grilled her hard.

She looked immaculate as always. She was dressed to perfection like she was getting ready to go out on a date.

Her high ponytail was sleek, the diamond stud earrings she had on flashed perfectly against her dark smooth complexion.

Calissi had on a short bodycon, dark brown dress the color of her skin with her long legs out and oiled.

Her eyes skimmed over me hatefully as she looked down at my short frame.

“I just don’t fucking get it.” She spat bitterly.

I calmly placed my hands behind my back and locked them. This would prevent me from slapping the fuck out of Calissi. I didn’t offer her any words, her top lip curled up in disgust as she squinted her eyes at me.

“Dead beat ass momma, out of shape, sloppy as fuck, no job—”

“Bitch, pleasssseee,” I shook my head. “Shut yo hating ass up!” I said gravely.

I took a step close to her and looked up into her dark eyes.

“You know I won’t whoop your ass because of Lolani now being here with me full-time.” I cocked my head to the side daring her to even blink wrong at me.

“My baby really loves you and you barely even speak to her. I love you but I refuse to kiss your uppity hating ass. I don’t owe you shit but an ass whooping for constantly talking to me crazy and ignoring my baby.

You barely done said two words to her and I can tell it’s starting to get to her. ” I stabbed her chest with my finger.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” She yelled.

“Bitch I’m gone do more than touch you if you keep dogging my daughter out.

I’m gone end up dragging you to the backyard and wearing yo ass out!

You don’t got to like me, but what you not gone do is make my Lo Lo feel like she did something wrong to your funky ass.

” I turned away from her to head down the steps.

Soon as I touched the bottom step I felt Calissi’s hand wrap tightly around my wrist.

“You always take what’s supposed to be mine!” She said in a croaky voice.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I snarled.

“Aubry,” her head dropped in shame. “I asked him out to prom with me! I wondered why he declined…then I see him with my tenth-grade so-called sister who didn’t even belong there to begin with. Momma and dad damn near made it about you and it wasn’t even your year!” She hissed out like a serpent.

She can’t be forreal! I thought as I looked at her like she fell down the steps and lost her mind.

“How the hell was I supposed to know that?” I chuckled out.

On the inside, I recoiled. How the hell could Calissi be holding on to an old crush that I wasn’t aware of from high school.

“It’s always about you, then you have a damn baby…

get dogged out by the same man that I wanted…

Dad sets me up with a man who can change my life, and now you’re strutting around this house with a brand-new Benz!

Bleu got you feeling like you that bitch when you don’t even know how to handle a man like him!

All he’s gonna do is break your weak ass heart like Aubry did!

She bellowed out then released my wrist like she was dismissing me.

Her words hit me hard. It dredged up insecurities that I buried a long time ago. It was the type of insecurities that started from me being the ‘Heavyset sister’. I remembered getting teased all the time about my weight but one thing people never denied was my beauty.

Back in school, I had big wavy hair. I remember constantly feeling like I was hiding behind all of my long pretty hair.

I took pride in my hair because at the time, it made me feel like that was the only good-looking thing about myself.

Besides my dad always telling me that I was beautiful, other people always liked to say, “You have beautiful hair.”

Every compliment on my hair started to feel like a burden because when would they see that I was actually beautiful and not just my damn hair.

It became my identity in high school before I had a chance to build my own.

So, on my eighteenth birthday, I cut it.

I didn’t cut it to be brave, I cut it because I was tired of feeling small and worthless because of it.

I wanted to look at myself and see me. The first few days were rough for me to look at myself.

I cried hard about it, and my mom and dad got me through it.

Eventually I noticed that people started to look at me differently.

Even Aubry, he fell in love with my new look.

I remember him telling me how it fit me even better.

What mattered the most to me months later was how I started to see my face.

How I looked in the mirror and saw that I was indeed a beautiful soul.

I gained strength from the haircut and started to adore myself.

I learned who I was at the time and decided to keep my hair short as a reminder that I didn’t need to hide to be whole.

I felt my chest tighten; a mix of anger and guilt swirled inside me.

I wanted to defend myself, tell Calissi that she was wrong, that I never meant for things to turn out this way then curse her ass out…

but the pain in her voice made me hesitate.

For a moment, the silence hung heavily between us, broken only by the shaky breaths we both took as I tried to gather myself by her revelation.

“Everybody is entitled to feel what they feel, Calissi. I won’t apologize for Aubry, and I sure as hell ain’t apologizing for Bleu.

I like Bleu a lot, I have feelings for him as well.

It’s not even just because of the sex and expensive ass gifts he showers me with.

He listens and see me for who I am. He goes the extra mile to prove that he wants me.

So, all of your insults about my weight and me being baldhead don’t hurt me.

You obviously have some high insecurities of your own.

We are all grown living under our parents’ roof.

I try to have all the decency and respect for you…

you just don’t have any for me.” My eyes bored into hers.

I wanted her to see that I truly didn’t hate her. The fire and hate that burned in her eyes for me was disturbing. I wanted a heart to heart with her but wouldn’t beg for it, especially if it was one-sided.

“For years, I felt like you got more of momma then I did. You are her first-born; she fell in love with you first. She had you two in a half years before I came along. I used to feel like she always took it easy on you, while spoiling Kenzuri since she was the baby. Now that I’m grown with a child of my own, I know it wasn’t favoritism.

Our parents know our needs, our strengths, weaknesses and so on.

You need to resolve whatever you feeling inside and work on you, Calissi.

I plan on saving my money and getting up out of here, so I won’t feel like there’s always beef.

Plus, I’m ready to have a house of my own. It’ll be soon hopefully.” I said lowly.

I didn’t wait for a response; I just needed a pick me upper and to get the hell away from Calissi.