6. Lizzie
6
LIZZIE
MANY YEARS EARLIER
“ L iz! Lizzie! Dillan’s here!”
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Don’t freak out.
The room was loud, music and laughter constantly assaulting my ears. Everyone around me was letting loose, ignoring the weight of our last semester of high school in favor of partying hard with their friends. At least for one night before we’d be forced to get back to our routine the next morning.
I tried to be subtle when I looked over at the front door, but I knew I wasn’t. Dillan Maxwell always made it impossible for me to be subtle.
He was the hottest boy I’d ever seen.
He was a bad boy with serious swagger.
He was funny and charming and smart. I’d caught myself staring at him in math class on more than one occasion. Pretty sure he’d caught me too.
Don’t think about it. You’ll only get embarrassed again.
Dillan chuckled as he fist-bumped his buddy and waved to someone else across the room. When his eyes scanned the crowd and met mine, I smiled back. His grin widened, and the next thing I knew, he was coming my way.
“Oh, God,” I muttered and directed my attention back to my best friend, Pippa. “He’s headed this way.”
Pippa was well practiced in handling my Dillan-related freak-outs. She reached for me, the dim lights catching the fresh ink on her first tattoo: a four-leaf clover on her forearm. “You’ve got this,” she reassured me. “You can talk to him without becoming a giggling mess.”
“Giggling mess?” I nudged her with my elbow, giving her the side-eye. “I never giggle.”
As if on cue, Dillan appeared by my side. “Hey, Lizzie. What’s up? Didn’t know you were going to be here.”
“Hihi.” To my horror, I couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped before I cleared my throat and pretended to take a drink. Ignoring Pippa’s smirk, I kept my full attention on Dillan. “Hey, yeah, it was a last-minute thing. I honestly didn’t really want to come. Pippa dragged me out.” I nodded to my friend.
“I’m glad she did.” He smiled at Pippa. “Thanks, Pippa. You mind if I borrow her for a minute?”
“Not at all. Be my guest. There’s a bowl of chips over there that has my name written all over it.” Pippa’s grin was wide as Dillan placed his hand on my lower back and steered me away from her.
I didn’t even get a chance to respond. OMG . The butterflies in my stomach were doing somersaults. Pretty sure I even forgot how words worked. Or where I was. Or my name. All I could do was let Dillan lead me away to a quiet corner of the room where a few people had just vacated a squishy sofa. We sat so close our legs were touching, and it was all I could focus on. The firm press of his thigh against mine anchored my concentration, keeping it firmly centered on that one spot. Oh, my God, he smelled so good—like soap and mint.
“We haven’t talked in a while,” he said, his arm draped across the back of the couch and around my shoulders.
Quick, say something cute. No! Say something funny. No! Say something clever.
Bitch, just say something— anything .
“I know, these stupid classes have been taking up all my free time.”
Welp, that self-talk went sideways. Can I be any more boring? Well done. If I could have face-palmed myself, I so would have.
“Ugh, tell me about it,” Dillan said, making a face. “I never understood why teachers always assign so much homework. You’d think if they taught us well enough, we wouldn’t have to practice on our own. At least graduation is right around the corner.”
He’s so cute.
Okay, chill. You’ve got this.
“Are you thinking about college?”
He nodded with a soft smile that practically made me swoon. “Going for pre-med actually.”
“Wow! Really?” Okay, that was anything but eloquent, but at least I said something.
“Yeah. Still not sure what kind of medicine I want to go into. I just know I want to be some kind of doctor.”
“That’s amazing.” Dillan looked at me expectantly, so I dared to ask the question that had immediately popped into my head: “Is there a special reason for this? I mean, you don’t have to tell me why you want to be a doctor if you think it’s none of my business, but I…”
“Lizzie.” Dillan cut me off as I caught my breath. “It’s all good. I don’t mind telling you my secret.” He locked eyes with me. At that moment, Dillan could have told me he was the reincarnation of Doctor Frankenstein and that his goal was to create a monster out of body parts, and I would have enthusiastically assisted him.
He moved a little closer and lowered his voice. “I, ahem, saw that movie with Robin Williams, Patch Adams . The film is about a very unconventional man who really wants to be a doctor so he can help other people.” Dillan paused and looked at me as if to make sure I was still listening. “Ever since I saw it, I’ve known that I want that too. I mean, to help people. Even if they’re poor and may not be able to pay their hospital bills. It’s not just the rich who have the right to medical treatment.”
Dillan’s cheeks had caught a little color, as if he was embarrassed by his little speech.
My cheeks were red because I had fallen in love with him—irrevocably and forever, right there and then.
“Dillan, this is… wonderful…” I ground out, not knowing the actor or the movie he was talking about. First thing tomorrow, I would see what Robin Williams movies I could stream. “…and admirable. I’m absolutely certain you’ll be the best…” best looking , I wanted to say, but changed my choice of words just in time, “…best doctor anyone could wish for.”
His blue eyes lit up. “What about you?”
He’s so hot. And so down to earth!
“What are you going for?” He repeated his question when I didn’t answer right away.
Oh, was I just daydreaming? Girl, get a grip!
I fidgeted a little. I’d never really loved school or the idea of higher education. The one thing I loved to do was dance. I wanted nothing more than to be a dancer, and even though a performing arts or dance school would be amazing, my family couldn’t afford it.
“College isn’t really my thing.” I shrugged casually.
I expected judgment, since that was usually what I got when I told people I wouldn’t be going to college. But instead, he only nodded understandingly.
“That’s cool. So, do you know what you want to do?”
He’s really interested.
“You know, I always wondered about that. Why are adults so obsessed with us figuring out what we want to ‘do’ with our lives? We’re eighteen, for God’s sake. And yet, we’re supposed to make this big decision about the rest of our lives. I know plenty of adults who’ve got no damn clue what they want out of life. Not to mention, working isn’t everything.” I realized a little too late that I was rambling and cut myself off. “Sorry…clearly, it’s a touchy subject.”
Dillan laughed, gently rubbing my shoulder. I felt so comfortable and somehow natural next to him. “I mean, you’re not wrong,” he admitted. “All of it does seem really stupid. I know I’m lucky since I have some idea of what I want. But you’re right: having teenagers decide what career will shape their entire life isn’t very smart.”
It felt good not to be teased for my rant or receive the standard eyeroll I usually got from the adults in my life, and even some classmates. “You’re the first person I’ve ever said that to who didn’t tell me I’m being dramatic.”
“Because you’re not.” He leaned in closer, and my heartbeat increased.
His eyes are so pretty. Those lashes! And his lips!
“And here’s a tip,” he said.
“Yeah?”
“The next time someone tries to tell you that, just tell them that you’re not being dramatic, you’re being passionate. It always throws people for a loop when you don’t outright defend yourself in a conversation.”
I smiled at him. “Good to know. I never think of that stuff when I’m talking to someone. I always think of it three days later when I’m in the shower.”
Again, Dillan chuckled—a deeper laugh that made my smile widen. “See, this is why I like talking to you, Lizzie. It’s always interesting. All joking and passionate speeches aside, is there something you think you might like to do at some point? You know, when you’re not a teenager trying to make major life decisions.”
I thought about my dancing and almost told him, but social anxiety held me back. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”
“Oh, come on. I’m sure it’s not.”
I could feel myself blushing. Aside from my family, I hadn’t told anyone what my passion truly was. Years ago, when I’d begged my parents to send me to ballet school, they’d flatly refused. They weren’t poor, but they weren’t exactly wealthy either, and they thought I’d never be successful as a dancer anyway because of my “always a bit too chubby” figure. Mom and Dad weren’t mean, but they weren’t willing to pay for what they saw as a pointless hobby. Instead, Mom pushed me toward a “respectable” job, like the “thrilling world of accounting”—her own field—because it offered security and job stability. By the time I was twelve I’d started earning my own money doing small jobs like babysitting and delivering newspapers, and although I was too old for classical ballet training by then, I found a dance school that offered affordable street dance classes.
For me it had been a revelation. I had found something I was really good at! I dreamed of becoming a dancer, creating my own choreographies and even opening my own dance studio in New York one day. I hadn’t told anyone about it except Pippa. And yet, I felt like if I told Dillan, he would understand. He had never been judgmental toward me in any way.
Okay, here I go. Ready for a good laugh?
“I want to be a dancer.”
He didn’t laugh. His smile grew, and his arm slipped off the couch to fully rest on my shoulders. My heart almost stopped. Seriously. “That’s great! You’d be an awesome dancer,” he said.
I felt my face burn with embarrassment at his compliment. “You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not. You were incredible in the talent show.”
My brow arched in question. “Talent show?”
“Yeah, the talent show you were in about four years ago.”
It took me a minute to remember what he was talking about. “Wait, you mean that little show we did in middle school? You remember that?”
No way.
Dillan nodded. “Well, yeah , I do. At least, I remember how you were in it.”
“ How ? We were like, thirteen or fourteen back then. That was such a long time ago.”
“Well, I know for a fact you were in it, and you danced to ‘Livin’ on a Prayer.’ I remember you throwing your head back when the chorus kicked in, then doing that move where you spun around and swept your arm out like you were inviting the whole world to join in. That was—” Dillan grinned cheekily and sexy at the same time, “—unforgettable. I still remember thinking that it takes a lot of guts to go on stage alone. Your moves were so cool. As soon as I got home, I had the urge to go buy that whole Bon Jovi album.”
My stomach fluttered with a feeling I couldn’t name.
“I can’t believe you actually remember that. I…” It took me a second to collect myself. “No one has ever complimented me on my dancing before, at least, no one except Pippa. And she’s biased.”
“They should.”
“Right?” I said jokingly.
“You were so powerful and expressive. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.”
I’m in love. Done. L. O. V. E.
The way our eyes lingered on each other’s made the rest of the room disappear. For the first time ever, I felt like I was actually being seen. It was the best moment of my life . I hope it lasts forever. The moment was broken when someone stumbled into Dillan as they dropped onto the other side of the couch.
“You want to go for a walk?” he asked. “Maybe find somewhere less…loud?”
There were plenty of our classmates who were talking loudly over the music. I caught sight of Pippa in the kitchen, cheering on one of the theater kids as he tried to do a keg stand, their loud voices carrying across the room.
“Yes, please,” I told him.
Dillan stood, holding his hand out to help me to my feet. We ended up out on the back porch, standing side by side as we looked up at the night sky. Inside, the celebration raged on, and while there were a couple of people in the backyard, they seemed to have had the same idea we had. Small groups were scattered around the yard, mostly couples looking for some quiet alone time.
I glanced at Dillan, only to find him already staring at me with a soft, breathtaking smile. “You know, Lizzie, I wish we could have spent more time together these last few years.”
My breath caught in my throat. “Yeah, me too. It would’ve been nice. But we have time now.”
His smile grew bigger. “Yeah, yeah, we do.”
Yup. Absolutely, unequivocally, head over heels in love.
Before I knew what was happening, we were leaning in, eyes fluttering closed before our lips met.
It was like my senses exploded.
The simple touch of our knees together paled in comparison to feeling his lips against mine. There wasn’t much to it. I sure as hell didn’t know what I was doing. All I could do was let the flood of emotions wash over me as my world suddenly turned upside down. Dillan cupped my cheek and held me there for a moment before he drew away.
“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” he admitted.
“Really?” Am I still breathing? Don’t forget to breathe…
“Yeah. Really.”
“That was…” I had to clear my throat. “That was really nice. It was actually my first kiss.”
“Mine too,” he said in a low voice, still smiling.
“Shut up!”
Dillan chuckled loudly, leaning into me. “I swear, it was. I…” For the first time since I’d known him, he seemed shy. It was endearing and also felt private, like I was seeing a side of him no one else had before. “I’ve actually had a crush on you for a while.”
I’m dead.
“ What ? Me? You’re lying!”
“Wow, first you tell me to shut up, and then you call me a liar,” he said through laughter. “You really know how to sweet talk a guy, Liz.”
“I’m sorry!” I rushed to apologize, placing my hand on his arm. “It’s just, I can’t believe anyone would have a crush on me, let alone the hottest guy in school. I mean…”
Did I just say that aloud? What a goofball.
He smirked at me, his eyebrow arching in amusement. “Really? The hottest? Wow, that’s some title.”
There was no backtracking from that compliment, so I sucked up the embarrassment and nudged him with my elbow. “Oh, stop it. Like you don’t know you’re one of the most popular guys in school, and girls swoon over you all the time.”
“I may have heard the rumor.” He quieted for a second before nudging me back. “And what about you? Are you one of them?”
“The swooners?”
“Is that what they’re called?”
“No. I don’t even think that’s a real word. Totally just made it up right now.”
“I like it. It’s catchy. But you know what I meant.”
Suddenly, I didn’t feel so nervous anymore. Smiling, I looped my arm around his. “I might have a slight crush on you too.”
Dillan peered into my eyes, his lips curving into a half-grin. “Just a slight one.”
“Well, can’t exactly have a big one. Otherwise, it’ll go to your enormous head.”
“Ouch! Right in the feels.”
“Hey, someone’s gotta keep you grounded, right?”
T he following weeks were the highlight of my young life. We hung out together, made out more than a few times, and were headed toward something more serious. At least, I think we were. We didn’t know that life had other plans for us. I didn’t know one day he would be gone, that his family would suddenly move to Tennessee without warning.
I didn’t have his number and he didn’t have mine. At first, I was upset, but then I decided not to dwell on it. I had nice memories of him and the time we’d spent together. Memories I never forgot.