17. Lizzie
17
LIZZIE
M y optimism carries me through the pregnancy. I wish I could say that over the next few months, things fall into place, but it’s not that easy. Plagued with severe morning sickness for the first two or three months, I end up having to take time off work until my stomach settles. It’s a nightmare. Between the anxiety of not working and the constant retching, I don’t really do much other than sleep and run to the bathroom. Food-wise, I survive on Gatorade and goldfish crackers, with the occasional blueberry since they’re supposed to help with nausea. They do not. By the time I finish the first trimester of my pregnancy, I never want to see either of those things again. Ever.
Eventually, I’m able to return to work. Once I do, I tell Marlene about the baby, and she immediately takes me off the stage. It isn’t because she thinks I can’t dance anymore—it’s because she can’t have a dancer continually running off the stage to toss her cookies or be visibly pregnant. While my morning sickness has waned, it doesn’t fully go away until I’m about five months along. By that point, I’m starting to show.
Thankfully, there’s plenty of work available at the Sinner’s Lounge for waitressing, mostly in the earlier hours. On the plus side, since I’ve already got experience, I’m able to earn some overtime training the new hires.
This is a hell of an opportunity to practice for my future employment as the owner of my own studio. To my immense relief, I become really good at teaching dance steps and movements to others, even when I’m no longer able to do them 100 percent myself due to my growing size. I’m careful, though. I don’t take on too much since the stress and exhaustion aren’t good for the baby. I also develop a craving for the chicken wings. Pedro, our chef, always makes it a point to set aside a plate for me during my shift that is magically refilled every time I finish. Needless to say, I become quite close with the kitchen staff and am kept well-fed, which helps keep my food budget intact.
The idea of becoming a mother does take some getting used to. Even after finding an OBYGYN (who is not Herbert but a kind lady in her fifties), it takes a little bit for the news to really sink in. It doesn’t hit me until I hear the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. Pippa comes with me that day, and when Dr. Daisy Anderson puts the doppler on my belly and the rapid beating of the baby’s heart echoes around us, we cry happy tears. It’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.
As the months go on and my stomach grows, so does my excitement. With every kick and shift, I fall more in love with my unborn baby. Of course, I don’t love that I no longer fit into any of my pants. But thankfully, I’ve got a lot of dresses and typically wear them instead.
P ippa and Mrs. Loughty are with me every step of the way. It helps to have such strong and amazing women in my corner. She and Pippa organize a baby shower for me, inviting all the dancers from the club, as well as Marlene and some of the girls I know from the tattoo parlor where Pippa works. I find myself with a much larger support system than I thought I had.
Alexis and Lori surprise me with a beautiful white wooden cradle for beside my bed so the baby can sleep right next to me. Even Bella gets me a gift—a cozy blanket, embroidered with delicate patterns, perfect for keeping both me and the baby warm during those late-night feedings. Ever since the news of the baby, she has been oddly kind, almost like my decision to step away from dancing took some weight off her shoulders. Not that I was ever really competition for her. Either way, I’m grateful since it’s one less thing to stress over.
And yes. Of course, I think about him .
Not just in my dreams—though I’ll blame it on the wild pregnancy hormones stirring up some intriguing scenarios. My subconscious has definitely turned the nights into a playground of spicy hot imagination.
One night, a couple of months before the baby shower, Pippa convinced me to try to Google him—Dr. Maxwell—again, just in case the search results have been updated. Judging by his reaction at the club, I’m well aware he wouldn’t be thrilled to hear from me, let alone the surprise I have in store. I’m convinced he not only ditched me but totally ghosted me too, but I’ve got to try to at least tell him he’s going to be a father. It’s the right thing to do after all.
We don’t find any new entries or information that would help. We do end up unearthing an old YouTube video from a medical conference, so I’m able to show Pippa just how breathtaking Dillan is.
“Girl, I’m as gay as a Broadway show, but I understand what’s got your panties in a twist.”
“Broadway shows are not gay.”
“Babes, I hear you, but if glitter and jazz hands had a love child, it’d be Broadway! But hey, we can agree to disagree.”
“Speaking of which. Any word yet from the chick with that glittery hair?” I ask, unable to contain my curiosity.
“I already told you: Nova will swoop back in when the tattoo needs a touch-up, right on schedule,” she retorts with a smirk. “Quit bugging me.”
O ne late evening she and I take an Uber to Amelio’s—just to check. Maybe he’s a regular. He isn’t there, and the waiter doesn’t seem to recall; however, he says that he only just started working there.
But we do see Herbert. He’s on a date with a young woman who has curly reddish hair and a smattering of freckles across her nose. And even though he isn’t exactly who I’m looking for, I think it’ll be a good time to apologize for ditching him. Plus, he might know Dillan or if he comes here often. Pippa decides to observe from the bar, declaring, “Might as well witness the awkwardness with a shot of tequila.”
I step up to the table and politely clear my throat. “Hi, Herbert? I’m sorry to interrupt, but can I talk to you for a second?”
He glances up at me, confused. “Who are you?”
“You don’t know me, well, your mom knows a friend of mine. Remember, a few months ago, I’m the one who stood you up. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about that.”
“Oh! Hello,” he exclaims with more enthusiasm than I thought he would. “I should probably be mad, but honestly, I’m not, so there’s no need to worry. In a fortunate twist of fate, I happened to meet Evelyn here that night. We’ve been frequenting this place ever since. And now…”—he reaches across the table and takes her hand, showcasing the delicate diamond on her finger—“we’re engaged! So, in fact, thank you for standing me up.”
I take a moment to process his unexpectedly positive response. Relief washes over me as I realize he isn’t holding any grudges. I’m blown away and incredibly happy for them, and I manage a sincere smile.
“Congratulations!” I say to Evelyn, who is beaming at Herbert with a lovestruck smile. “Well, I won’t take up too much more of your time, I just wanted to ask one more thing. You wouldn’t happen to know a Dr. Maxwell, would you?”
Herbert screws up his face in what appears like concentration. “Hmm, doesn’t ring a bell. What field is he in?”
Oh, geez. I don’t know that. If I knew, I’d have likely found him by now. “Ehm, I’m not sure…”
“You’re not sure? And you’re looking for him, why?”
“He’s the one I ran into on the day of our blind date. Funny, eh? But we’re not engaged. Long story short, he’s an old friend, but I’m not sure what field he went in…”
“Sorry…can’t help.”
His words and the look in his eyes definitely make me feel foolish. There are thousands of doctors in the area—how big are the chances that they know each other?
“Wait,” Herbert says, holding up a hand to stop me from leaving. “I do know a Dr. Maxwell.”
“You do? Really?” Hope flares inside my chest, and I almost forget to breathe.
“Yes. He’s a retired pediatrician. Must be in his eighties. That the one?”
“No.” I shake my head, disappointed. It would have been too much of a coincidence. “But thanks anyway.”
Oh, well. That led to absolutely nothing. I feel better though. Not only have I made things right with Herbert, but I also don’t have to feel like an absolute jerk in the future for not at least trying to find the father of my child. It soothes my bad conscience. Time to let go.
Even if, by some miracle, Dillan realized he didn’t mind my profession, it would still end in disaster. He told me he doesn’t want kids. He made that crystal clear. So, in a way, it’s better if I don’t find him. This way, I save us both from the mess of him hating me after dropping a bombshell, and me nursing an irreparably shattered heart. Fate never favored us being together, so I better listen to its cues.
Dillan Maxwell should never find out that he has a baby, and that’s that.
I adjust my pillow and turn around. Closing my eyes, he’s there—the man I can’t shake. The man I can’t forget. The man who invaded my heart and refuses to leave.
It’s always him and me.
Our bodies move together, swaying. It’s a dance, not on a stage, but in a space where the rules are different. His touch feels real, insanely vivid and wrong. Like a secret rendezvous. It’s spontaneous. It’s delicious.
His touch, the intimacy, the closeness, it’s all there.
“What are you going to do to me tonight?” I whisper to him.
The moonlight caresses Dillan’s face just enough to reflect the glow in his eyes. “If I tell you, that would spoil the fun, don’t you think?”
His lips move to the thin fabric of my nightgown, and he brings one of my breasts into his mouth, licking at it through my clothing. I feel my nipples stiffen from the attention, and the sensation only intensifies as Dillan takes my wrists to hold them above my head, pinning me to the bed.
He’s only in pants. No shirt. No socks. Just his jeans.
“Dillan, that’s pure torture ,” I exclaim into the darkness. My body writhes involuntarily when he lifts up my nightgown, and Dillan presses his hips down to mine to hold me in place.
“So squirmy,” he rumbles, lifting his head from my naked breasts. My nipples harden from the cold and peak as they reach out to him.
“I’m beginning to think that you want something more, Lizzie.” He removes one of his hands from my wrists to glide it down my body and rest it just lightly between my legs.
I pant with pulsing want as Dillan tugs down my panties. He presses his middle finger to my soft folds and dabs at my wetness.
The touch of his finger sends electrifying want through me.
Dillan removes his hand to bring the finger to his lips. He growls contentedly. “And it seems like I’m spot on.”
My eyes grow as I watch him taste me, and then he tears off my panties with a snarl, tossing them across the room.
“I’m going to take you hard, baby. You’re going to be completely mine tonight.”
Instinctively, I spread my legs for Dillan, but he closes them and shakes his head. “Oh, no, we’re not done yet. I’ll have you screaming my name before I’m even inside you.”
I suck in a breath as I watch him use his shirt to tie my wrists together, and then flips me over onto my front. I wriggle helplessly as Dillan brings his hand down in a swift pat against my backside. Though the slap is light, it sounds loud in the hotel room. He lifts my hips upward until I rest on my knees, and his light touches across my exposed skin cause me to whimper with expectation.
I hear him climb off the bed and circle around to come into my view. He still wears his blue jeans, but he has his thumb hooked in the top, and with a deft swipe of his fingers, he pops the button from the hole, and the zipper skitters downward halfway from the force. Dillan remains in front of me, slowly moving the zipper down the rest of the way. The bulge underneath his boxers becomes clearer, and I watch him slide his jeans down his hip.
When I broke up with Rex, I told Pippa (and myself) that I didn’t want to fall in love again, and now here I am falling in love with every movement he makes. Dillan inches his jeans lower, and then moves to his boxers. I’m not so sure that I would have ever been comfortable talking about my dreams, my hopes, my everything with Rex, or any other man I’ve been with. Dillan, though... I will always be comfortable around him.
Finally, he pulls the stretchy band of his boxers over his dick, exposing his proud, iron-hard shaft. He steps closer to me, allowing me to gaze at him in curious apprehension. I watch as he strokes his cock, up, down, and then he presses his tip to my lips.
“Open wide, Lizzie. Now.”
Oh, shit.
I open my mouth, and Dillan slides his dick between my teeth, moving to the back of my throat. I’m afraid of choking, but Dillan’s movements are easy and gentle, and so I close my lips around his cock and suck him tenderly. He growls again, only this time with pleasure, tangling his fingers into my hair to hold me in place while he softly pumps his hips. I twist my wrists, wishing to touch his skin, but remember that I’m still bound. I can only remain in one state while working my lips over his shaft.
Next thing I know, Dillan removes himself and climbs back onto the bed. He places his hands to my hips, and his cock touches my opening.
“Are you ready to beg?”
“I might just beg...or maybe I won’t,” I whimper, longing to feel him inside of me.
“Oh, it’s inevitable.”
“Bold assumption, Doc.”
“I know.” There’s a glint in his eyes that whispers, “Just watch, I’ll deliver.” And deep down, something in me knows he will. If anyone can back up that cocky attitude, it’s him. “How should I fuck you, baby?”
My response is immediate, almost desperate. “Hard,” I practically plead, unable to help myself.
He chuckles, and his cock slips into my throbbing center. My nipples harden as I take him in, all of him. He slides easily in and out of me, and makes sure to pull completely out a few times, waiting for me to moan for him before he penetrates me again.
His thrusts come quicker and heavier with each pounding moment, and I cry in growing pleasure.
“ Yes! Yes! ”
Dillan throws his weight into the thrusts, growling and gasping as he works his shaft harder. I arch my back, pressing my hips against his in utter abandon, urgently crying his name.
Several more chafing thrusts of Dillan’s hips, and I’ve already hit my peak.
I let a scream escape my lips as my body shudders with a mind-numbing orgasm, feeling a warmth spread inside me as Dillan releases his seed.
Before I black out from the pleasure, I slowly open my eyes.
I notice a figure standing in the doorway. Oh, shit. I must have forgotten to close the door last night. Blinking away the sleep, I realize it’s Pippa, worry on her face morphing into an amused grin.