25. Dillan
25
DILLAN
I ’m not expecting Lizzie to just waltz in right at that moment. God, I’m happy to see her.
Her expression is difficult to read. It goes oddly blank, as if she’s trying to mask her emotions. I help her take Isaac and his things to her apartment—one hand holding a couple bags, my other hand at the small of her back. There’s a slight tremble. Is she nervous? The walk down the hall is a silent one filled with tension that I can’t quite place. I can’t tell if she’s mad at me or not, which confuses me because if she is, I have no idea why.
Her apartment is small but homey and definitely lived in. There’s a comforting charm about it that immediately puts me at ease.
“I know there’s a lot to discuss, but can it wait just two minutes?” Lizzie asks. “I’ve got something to sort out real quick.”
“Yeah, do what you need to do. I’m not going anywhere.”
She gives me a brief smile at that statement before opening the laptop on the counter, fidgeting in anticipation. After a moment, she frowns. “This is weird.”
“What is?” I ask.
“I just got an email receipt for my hospital bill, but the last time I checked, the payment hadn’t gone through.” Lizzie continues to stare at the screen, shaking her head. “Wait…what…no…” She pauses for a beat before looking at me with wide eyes. “Dillan? Oh, my God. Did you pay for my hospital bill too?” She blinks rapidly, shaking her head in disbelief. “I have the money, I do—there must have been a technical issue somewhere. Let me jot down your account number. I’ll wire the amount to you right away. That, and my ex’s bill.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I tell her, waving it off.
“Oh, no, I couldn’t…” She closes the laptop and gets to her feet. “It’s too much. Dillan, I’ve been so distracted lately, but I can’t allow that…”
“Seriously, Lizzie, don’t worry about it. Really. You can transfer the money to me if it makes you feel better, but honestly, it’s no big deal.” The last thing I want is for her to feel like she owes me anything, so I give in (for now).
“Look, I know me coming here was out of the blue,” I say. She takes the stroller from me and wheels it over to the couch. “But I ran into your blind date at Amelio’s and decided to take a chance.”
A flicker of revelation crosses her face, and her features soften. “I’m glad you did. I ran into him one time too. Well, long story. But guess what? I was just at Amelio’s too. The waiter, Luigi, he told me you were looking for me.”
“I was.”
“I’m glad you were,” she says softly.
There’s warmth to her words, but I can tell she’s being careful and guarded. I put Isaac’s bag down and help Lizzie ease herself onto the couch.
“You really should be resting, considering you just gave birth and all,” I say firmly.
She tries to reach for her shoes, but I push her hands away and kneel in front of her, untying the laces. She lets me, silently watching as I carefully remove her sneakers and help her lie on the couch. I feel how she tenses when I touch the soft skin of her legs, but she relaxes quickly, allowing me to do so.
Isaac begins fussing, and I sit down, watching her feed him, while she tries to look anywhere but at me. Strange. Before, she couldn’t look away, but now that my focus is on her, she can’t make eye contact.
“Do you want me to go?” I ask.
I don’t want to leave.
I want to sit here with her and talk about how we could be in each other’s lives. She’s just had a baby. But I’m not her clueless ex. I won’t attempt to force myself into a space where I’m not welcome.
“No. Please don’t go.” She finally meets my gaze, and her beautiful brown eyes are filled with unshed tears. Her words catch me off guard. “Stay…I just…there’s so much we have to talk about.”
I slip my arm around her shoulders. “Hey, hey, it’s all right,” I say, brushing away a stray tear with my thumb. “I’m not going anywhere. Not if you don’t want me to. We don’t even need to talk right now. I know you’re probably feeling all over the place, considering everything that’s gone on in the last few days. Let’s just sit and enjoy each other’s company.”
“I can’t.” She pulls away from me, shifting on the couch until we are no longer touching. “Not until I tell you…”
She stops herself.
“Tell me what?”
Lizzie looks me in the eyes, her face set with determination. She opens her mouth, but no sound comes out. After a moment of frustration, she does it again, and this time, she’s able to speak.
“You’re Isaac’s father.”
I don’t hear her words at first.
I see her mouth move—I know she spoke.
But it takes my brain a good five seconds to actually register what she said. A million thoughts slam into me at once, but I can’t get a handle on a single one of them.
“I’m sorry…come again?” I ask.
She purses her lips before she responds: “Dillan, you’re Isaac’s father. Isaac is your son. Our son.”
I stare at her, trying to process the information.
Suddenly, her behavior at the hospital makes a lot more sense. And once the realization that I had helped deliver my own son hits me, I get to my feet and start to pace.
For the first time in my life, I’m at a loss for words and actions.
I can feel Lizzie’s eyes on me as I pace, but I can’t bring myself to meet them.
Not yet.
Okay.
I’m a father. I have a son.
The woman I’m in love with gave birth to my kid. Process this.
God damn it , Dillan, figure out how to process this .
Of course, berating myself doesn’t help. It can’t be forced. I have to allow the minutes to go by while my brain restarts itself. Somewhere in the haze of surprise, I feel a spark of happiness. I have always told myself that I was not destined for fatherhood. There has never been any doubt in my mind.
And yet…
I look over at Isaac, watching his small face as he drinks his bottle, eyelids drooping with fatigue.
The feeling that hit me when I held him earlier returns full force, and I suddenly realize what it is.
It’s love. Instant, pure love for this small being that Lizzie and I created together.
At first, I think it’s because he’s part of Lizzie. I love her, so of course that means all of her, even her son. But it’s much more primal than that. I reacted to him that way because deep down, I must have known.
I do the math and it all lines up. Why hadn’t I done that before? How stupid I’d been to think she’d just moved on and had a kid with someone else! Yeah, she delivered a little early, but not that early.
I find myself smiling when I meet Lizzie’s gaze again. I can see the fear in her eyes melt away, and she smiles back, though it’s tentative.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I rejoin them on the couch, pulling them both against my chest in a protective hug. “God, you didn’t have to go through this whole pregnancy by yourself. I would have been there with you.”
“I couldn’t call you, and I had no idea how to contact you,” Lizzie explains, her eyes still watery and full of emotion. “By the way, your handwriting is shit.”
I laugh, not just out of amusement but from relief. Relief that she hadn’t ghosted me, relief that we are here with each other now. Relief that there’s a possibility of moving forward together.
“I was also afraid,” she admits, looking down at Isaac. More tears start rolling down her cheeks. “You made it pretty clear how you felt about having children. I thought you might hate me, and I’d be heartbroken, but I didn’t want Isaac to be the only reason we were in each other’s lives.”
“Hey…” I cup her chin and gently shift her face toward mine so she will look me in the eye. After I wipe her tears, I meet her innocent gaze. “Isaac wouldn’t have been the only reason I’d want to be in your life. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since our night together. I’m all in, Lizzie. If you’ll have me.”
I don’t miss the way her breath catches in her throat. I thumb her bottom lip, and she breaks into a wide smile.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” I smile.
I cup her cheeks and kiss her. It feels so good to kiss her again. It’s like my body breathes a sigh of relief the moment her lips touch mine. In that brief, magical second, the chaotic world around us fades into insignificance, leaving only us. Her. The baby. Me. I slide my hand into her hair, cradling the back of her head to keep her in place. The air crackles and intense, palpable electricity surges between us, and her body sags against mine in response.
God, the things I’m going to do to her.
Unfortunately, they have to wait. No sex for her. At least for a few weeks until she’s fully recovered. But that doesn’t deter me from deepening the kiss. Softly, my tongue pushes past her lips and strokes hers. She opens up to me, lets out a soft moan, melting under my touch.
Our kiss is interrupted by the sound of a small burp in Lizzie’s arms. Chuckling, I pull away as Lizzie bursts into a fit of giggles, staring down at Isaac.
“Way to kill the mood, kid,” she teases, lifting the little guy up to sit.
I watch her interact with him with new eyes and clarity. Facial features in Isaac that I couldn’t pinpoint before suddenly remind me of my own. I see my cheekbones, my chin, even the natural side part in his thick hair is similar to my own.
“So…what comes next?” Lizzie inquires, her voice husky, her eyes gleaming.
I reach out to take Isaac’s hand, smiling as he squeezes my finger. “You finish feeding and burping him, then I’ll watch him for a bit so you can nap.”
“That’s not what I meant.” She pokes me gently in the ribs.
“I know,” I chuckle. “But you’re exhausted and need your sleep. What were you thinking going out and about a few days after having a baby?”
“Well, there’s a listing available for my dance studio, and I didn’t want to miss the chance to check it out.”
“Right. I’ve got the inside scoop from Mr. Loughty, and I sure hope it was worth the excursion.” I lean in. “What did you think?”
“It’s perfect ,” she says, a gleam in her eyes.
“So, you’re going to rent it, right?”
Her shoulders lift and fall in a resigned shrug. “I don’t know,” she says with a sigh. “I want to. There’s just a lot of responsibility attached to it, and with a new baby…I have to think about it.”
The idea of her putting her dream on hold bothers me. I’m more than willing and able to offer support, but I sense that if I bring it up, she’ll shut me down. Plus, there’s a heap of other details to navigate, like how we’re going to handle parenting as we move forward. Because when I said I’m all in, I meant it.
“I get it. It’s a big decision, especially with everything going on. We’ll figure it out together, okay?” I assure her, brushing her hair from her face. “In the meantime, let’s just enjoy this time together with our baby.”
Lizzie rests her head against my chest, and I wrap my arms around both of them again. “Fine. But only because you asked so nicely.”
I chuckle, planting a kiss on the top of her head. “You’re too kind, indulging me like this.”
Lizzie looks up at me with a playful glint in her eyes. “Well, what can I say? I’m just too good at spoiling you.”
“Looks like I’ve met my match.”
I lose track of how long we sit there together.
Eventually, Lizzie and the baby doze off, but I don’t have the heart to move them. My mind races with thoughts on how to make sure Lizzie and Isaac are well taken care of, but that fades away, and I take my own advice. I’ll worry about all of it later.
Closing my eyes, I tug them closer and enjoy the feeling of them in my arms, knowing that my life has just been turned upside down.