33. Lizzie
33
LIZZIE
T he stage lights dim, and I take my position.
Tik. Tik. Tik.
The music starts, and the lights blaze to life, unveiling me on the dancefloor. The pulsating rhythm of “You Can Leave Your Hat On” by Joe Cocker fills the air as I slip into my old routine, letting the beat flow through my body like I’ve done so many times before. I can feel the energy building in the room as I deftly shed my gloves, tossing them overhead, and lose myself in the dance.
That all comes crashing down when, out of the corner of my eye, I spot him—Dillan.
He’s standing in the audience, eyes locked on me.
Oh…no.
No, no, no.
Panic sets in. My heart drops, and my body breaks out in a cold sweat.
My body moves on autopilot, but my mind races. How is he here?
This is not how I wanted him to find out.
Shitshitshit.
To top it off, “You Can Leave Your Hat On” is the quintessential stripper song. Could this night get any more interesting?
Luckily, I don’t freeze or misstep like I did the last time he was here. I twirl and spin, desperately trying to maintain my composure. The crowd cheers, oblivious to the internal chaos unraveling in my mind.
I sneak glances at him, and our eyes keep meeting.
It’s hard to gauge his expression from where I am, but I’ve got a feeling he probably isn’t too pleased to see his girlfriend and the mother of his child dancing for strange men. Even worse, he doesn’t know that this was supposed to be my farewell performance. He’ll never believe that today was an exception. Sure, I’m fully clothed, but that will be no excuse to him.
A few moments later, the song finishes, and I throw my hat into the crowd.
Everybody is clapping. He is not.
I blow the crowd a kiss before sauntering off. The first thing I do is make a mad dash for the dressing room so I can change back into my street clothes.
The entire time, my hands shake from anxiety.
I’ve got no idea what to say to Dillan or how he’s going to react once I get out there.
The devil leans in, a mischievous grin on his face. He’s so done with you , he whispers, voice dripping with a wicked delight.
The angel remains silent.
What, now you’re on a coffee break? Classic.
Taking a moment to steel my nerves, I breathe deeply and remind myself that I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. If Dillan has a major issue with how I supported myself in the past, well, we’ll likely have a much longer discussion about what that means for our relationship.
I’m not going to allow anyone to make me feel shame or regret, because the truth is, I don’t feel either.
W hen I step out onto the main floor, Dillan stands off to the side, his hands shoved into his pockets. Head held high, I take another calming breath before walking over to greet him.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey.”
“What are you doing here?” I ask, trying my best to play it cool.
He pulls his hand out of his pocket and holds up my phone. “You left it at home, so I thought I’d bring it to you.”
“Thanks.” I take the phone and shove it into my back pocket. “I didn’t realize you knew where I worked.”
“I didn’t. Mrs. Loughty told me. I went to your old place to try and catch you before you left, but I guess I just missed you. She saw me and told me you worked here.”
Good old Mrs. Loughty , I think to myself. I keep staring into his eyes. Heavens, what is he thinking? Does he hate me? He’s hard to read.
I realize he doesn’t have Isaac with him. “Where’s the baby?”
“Mrs. Loughty offered to watch him for me while I came here. We figured it wasn’t exactly appropriate for me to bring him.”
“Fair enough.”
There’s tension between us, and I don’t know how to handle it.
How mad is he?
Dillan still hasn’t shown one way or another how he feels about all this, and his silence is almost worse than yelling. I would have preferred he yelled because then, at least, I would know how to respond.
I glance around at the men hooting and hollering at the girl on stage. “Come on, let’s go somewhere quiet to talk.”
I motion for Dillan to follow me and lead him through the employee door into the back. Since most people are out on the floor or stage, it’s relatively quiet, so we have some privacy.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks when I turn to face him.
“I haven’t danced since I found out I was pregnant. I’ve been waitressing on the main floor. Today was a one-time thing. Marlene needed me to fill in for a bit before the next dancer was able to take over. I was not going to get undressed, as you probably noticed. I was going to call you to let you know but…”
I point to my cell. It goes without saying that I couldn’t call him without my phone.
“You could have used someone else’s phone?”
“Oh…” Damn , he’s right. “Yes, of course…I’m so sorry.”
Dillan considers my words for a moment, and something akin to realization passes across his face. “Wait a minute…that night that I was here with the guys…”
“Yeah, that was me on stage. At first I thought you didn’t want to talk about it. It took me a while to realize that you didn’t recognize me. By then, I didn’t feel like it needed to be brought up. Until a more opportune moment, that is.”
“And that opportune moment is now?”
“Well,” I blink. “I guess so. Besides, Isaac had just been born, and you and I had reconnected—there were more important things on our plates. Are you…mad?”
Dillan nods in understanding, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not very mad,” he says, eyes flicking up to meet mine. “I can tell you’re worried about that, and I would never judge anyone for dancing in skimpy clothes on the stage. Hell, if I had any rhythm, I’d do it myself.”
I laugh at that, and the surprisingly hot image of Dillan gyrating on stage. The tension melts away. “Oh, you have rhythm,” I flirt, wrapping my arms around his waist. “But more in other places.”
“Hmm.”
“Especially, you know where…”
“Are you trying to distract me from the fact that you should have told me long ago what was going on?” He pulls me closer and kisses me, his hand cupping my cheek so he can stroke it reassuringly.
“I sure am. Is it working?”
“Sure is. My anger is melting away more and more every second, but you have to promise me one thing.”
A knot I hadn’t noticed loosens in my stomach, and relief washes over me. Not being judged or guilted by the man I love feels absolutely wonderful, and I know that I can tell Dillan anything without fear or worry. “Yes?”
“Don’t ever lie to me again. Or hide something from me.” He’s dead serious, I can tell.
At that moment, I realize that Dillan really loves me. My throat tightens—he is so incredibly lovable. Between Isaac and Dillan, I’ve never known such unconditional love. For the first time in my life, I can believe that unconditional love exists. Not just because I receive it, but above all, because I give it. I’m certain that nothing in this world can diminish my love, regardless of what may come. My heart belongs to Dillan and Isaac in a way that has finally completed me.
He loves me so much that he even wants to know things about me he doesn’t like. There’s no doubt about it. No matter what happens, he will keep his promise and always be there for me.
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way,” I say with tears in my eyes. “Obviously, this wasn’t how I wanted it to go down. But I promise, after today, I won’t be on that stage again.”
“Good,” Dillan says, holding me tighter. He fixes me with a smoldering expression. “Because if you’re going to dance seductively for anyone, it’s going to be only one person— me .”
This time his kiss is anything but gentle. It’s hard as he claims my mouth possessively, an action that sends heat and wetness straight between my legs. I kiss him back, looping my arms around his neck and lining my body along his.
When we part, we are both panting, and he’s eyeing me as though he has died. “Isaac is visiting with Mrs. L, who was in no rush to give him back. Let’s go home and take advantage of our alone time.”
“That’s the best offer I’ve had all day,” I beam at him.
“Also, we need to give you the spanking you so richly deserve.”
“We don’t!”
“Trust me, we do. You’re not getting out of a spanking. You’ve been a bad girl.”
With his arm around my shoulders, Dillan leads me out of the club to his waiting car, and I slip into the passenger side. He tucks himself into the driver’s seat, and the next thing I know, he’s kissing me again. I kiss him back eagerly, suddenly realizing that the drive home is far too long to wait to be with him.
“New plan,” I purr as we break away to catch our breath. “We find an alley somewhere and crawl into the back seat.”
“You naughty minx.”
“I can be naughtier.” I raise a brow in challenge, “A very good bad girl, if you like.”
“Oh, I know, trouble . I know. But how about we hit our hotel?”