Chapter 1
One
Jaclyn
Present
Light shines through the curtains in my room. I look to my side and don’t see Junior, but I hear murmuring and the sound of the TV in the living room.
I’ve grown used to waking up at the same time every day, thanks to Junior. Usually, he comes into my room and wakes me up to make him breakfast. Every now and then Brandon will come in and take care of that while I get some more sleep.
I get out of the bed and open the door, the talking becoming clearer. I see Brandon in the kitchen while Junior is on the couch, watching Paw Patrol as he lays on the floor. I lean against the door frame like I do every morning and watch Junior kick his feet in the air as he watches the show.
I found out I was pregnant about two months after the night that ruined my life. I was living with my mom at the time. I wasn’t taking care of myself and the wound on my rib just made everything harder for me, so it was just better to live with my mom.
After all, I needed her.
I only ever felt comfortable breaking down in front of her.
I realized I hadn’t gotten my period for a good month or so and I’d been throwing up every day for weeks. I thought it was because of what I went through but my mom made me take a pregnancy test.
When the test came back positive, I started crying in my mom’s chest. I couldn’t take care of myself and bringing a child into the world after that night felt impossible.
I went to the obstetrician and after they saw the wound, they asked questions. I told them a narrowed down version of what happened, and they asked me questions about me having sex. I told them I had sex around that time. They told me the embryo was not even formed at the time.
It was a high-risk pregnancy because of my diabetes and also because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I had frequent doctor appointments, and my mom came to every single one.
There was not one day during the pregnancy or after that, that I didn’t cry. There wasn’t one day for the nine months Junior was in my belly that I didn’t stare at Hayden’s phone number, feeling guilty that I didn’t tell him about Junior. There was a time when I thought maybe Junior isn’t even Hayden’s because it could have been a fifty-fifty chance between him and the guys who ruined my life.
But then Junior was born with a head full of dark hair and light gray eyes, I knew Junior was Hayden’s.
My mom and uncle asked me if I was going to contact Hayden, and I’ve thought about it so many times over the years, even came close to calling him but I saw him on TV beating a professional fighter to a pulp.
He was living the life all men wanted to live. In the spotlight with girls falling at their feet, with money overflowing out of their pocket.
Hayden was living the dream and me calling him would ruin his dream.
So, I left him alone and took care of myself and Junior.
After Junior started getting older and I finished my online college classes, I got offered a job to work at a press company in New York. I have been saving money and was ready to be a part of the world again.
Moving to New York was one of the best things to happen to me.
I’ve always heard the saying, “You can’t heal in the same place that broke you” and that was one of the truest things I’ve ever heard.
New York was a good decision and Junior likes the city.
“Hey,” Brandon says, making me look at him standing in the kitchen in his usual blue dress shirt and black trousers.
He has two plates filled with bagels, eggs, and bacon. There is a smaller plate on the island that has a half-eaten bagel and then left over eggs with cheese on it.
“Morning.” I smile before taking the plate from him and sitting on a high top chair at the island. “Were you here before he woke up?”
Brandon sits next to me at the island and starts digging in.
“Yea. Thought I’d let you get some sleep so I took care of breakfast this morning.”
“You’re literally a god,” I say before taking a bite out of the bagel.
I met Brandon the first day I moved into this building. Brandon lives a couple doors down and he has been here ever since.
Brandon originally asked me out but I told him I couldn’t get into a relationship of any sort because of Junior and because I wasn’t ready. One time I got drunk while Junior was with my mom in California and Brandon and I ended up hooking up. He saw the scar on my side and asked about it the next morning.
I told him everything and then cried in his arms right after. He understood why I needed to just be alone and not get into any relationship. I told him if he wanted to stop talking, that’s fine because I didn’t want to lead him on but he said he was here to stay, even as a friend.
Brandon and I never hooked up again after that. I don’t like Brandon like that. That night I was just missing the feeling of being wanted and Brandon was there and I was drunk.
I hated myself afterwards because next thing I knew, I was feeling guilty.
“How’d you sleep last night?” Brandon asks.
“Better. Sleeping with Junior always helps,” I say before looking at Junior.
He turns his head and smiles wide before getting up.
“Mama!” he yells while running towards me.
He knocks into my legs and I grab him and place him on my lap. I move his hair out of his face and kiss his cheek, making him laugh. A smile instantly pulls at my face.
“Hi, baby.” I turn him to face me and hold him tight, making sure he doesn’t fall off my lap. “Any crazy dreams last night?”
Every single morning, either during breakfast or on the way to school, Junior always tells me his dreams. He has the craziest dreams and that’s only because he has such a creative mind.
“Well there was a dog and then there was a talking lion. They didn’t like each other very much,” he mumbles while playing with the ends of my hair.
“No?” I raise my eyebrows at him.
“No. They were fighting over who got to hang out with Spiderman that day.”
“Spiderman was in the dream too?”
“Yea, he was swinging around and everything, mama. That’s why the lion and the dog was fighting. They wanted to go on with him.”
“Sounds like a crazy dream, bud,” Brandon says with a mouth full of eggs.
“See, mama! Brandon agrees.”
I can’t stop smiling at my son because he is the only thing in this world that makes me happy now. He makes me smile in so many ways.
Yes, kids are a lot of work and there are times when he pisses me off, but I love him.
I can’t even describe the type of love I have for Junior.
Every time I look at him, I can’t help but smile.
“Well, we need to get you ready for school. We can’t have Ms. Johnson mad at me again for you being late.” Junior is in preschool. He started this year and he loves it. He is a very friendly kid, Ms. Johnson says. He talks to everyone in class and it makes me happy that he’s so good with the other kids. “Did you take your medicine already?”
He nods his head. “Yup, and I ate breakfast too! I got eggs and bagels.”
I laugh because of the little lisp he has when saying his ‘s’s. It always puts a smile on my face.
“Great.” I kiss his cheek twice and take him off my lap. “I’ll be there in a little to pick out your outfit, okay.”
Junior runs to his room and I’m about to follow but Brandon puts his hand on my shoulder making me look up at him. Brandon looks down at my food that I barely touched.
Oh right.
“You eat that and I’ll get him ready. Don’t forget to take your shot either.” I nod my head even though I feel like doing anything but eating. Brandon gets up and takes his plate, putting it in the dishwasher after rinsing it. “I better see that plate empty when I come back.”
I force a smile at Brandon. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you.”