Chapter 7
Seven
Jaclyn
Present
I watch Junior as he cuddles into his pillow.
Brandon told me he was good today while I was working. I got home maybe around thirty minutes ago and since then I’ve been in Junior’s room watching him sleep.
I haven’t taken my Lantus or my nighttime meds.
As if they will do anything to calm my racing thoughts down.
I also have been pointing out every small detail about him that is similar to Hayden.
His eyes are the most similar thing. I have seen a few baby pictures of Hayden and when Junior was a baby, he looked a lot like him. I wish I could have the two pictures side by side to see how much they actually look alike.
Today was a lot.
Seeing Hayden, after five years of healing my broken heart and building those walls back up, all I wanted to do was fall into his arms and pretend that what happened back then was just a bad dream.
But it was reality and I still think about it to this day.
I press a small kiss to Junior’s forehead. I pull the blanket over his shoulders and stand up to leave his room.
Brandon is sitting down in the living room on the couch, watching Hayden’s fight.
He recorded it, plus my interview that was live on another channel. I place my heels on the floor next to the couch and sit down next to Brandon.
We watch Hayden start the second round with a punch to the face. Everyone screams his name and the crowd goes crazy.
“He looked at you when that happened, right?”
“Yea,” I say, my eyes still on the TV as I watch Hayden pummel Robert against the ropes.
“I watched the interview,” Brandon says before he changes the recording to where it shows me and Hayden on the TV.
Seeing us both together, standing next to one another makes my heart ache. Our height difference, the way he looks down at me. I look up at him like he is my world and vice versa.
“Did Junior see?”
“No. I put him down before I watched it.” I nod my head and reach for the blanket next to me to cover my legs. I still haven’t changed my dress. “You see the way you look at each other, right?” Brandon asks as I just stare at the screen ahead. Of course I see the way we look at each other. The way Hayden’s lips would lift in a smile every now and then and the way I would blush simply by his words. “I mean, the way he looks at you makes me think he still loves you the same. Maybe even more.”
“No, he has a fiancé, remember?”
Brandon rolls his eyes. “That’s a rumor and you know it.”
“He had a ring. I saw him give it to his trainer, so I know it’s not a rumor.”
Brandon nods his head at that before asking. “What happened after the interview?”
I lick my bottom lip. “He wanted to talk and I said no.”
“So you didn’t tell him about Junior?”
I look at Brandon and see that he’s giving me a disappointed look.
“No. I didn’t because Junior’s life is at peace with just me. Adding Hayden, who is possibly getting married and is a famous fighter who comes with fame, is not a good idea for him or me. My history with Hayden also just happens to be something that I can’t deal with either.”
“I know you went through a lot that night, I do. But that’s Hayden’s kid. You have to tell him somehow. What happens if he were to find out?”
“He won’t find out, Brandon.” I roll my eyes and get off the couch.
I don’t want to talk about Hayden anymore. He is someone from my past and I want him to stay there because I’m so scared of getting hurt again by him.
Do I miss Hayden?
After seeing him today, hell yes. But I won’t make the same mistake twice and that’s why I ran. I know I promised him I would stay but I couldn’t.
That night ruined me.
The girl he fell in love with is gone and replaced with something that’s empty and void.
I only ever feel light with Junior and I’m okay with just sticking with him for the rest of my life if it means not getting hurt like I did all those years ago.
“What if he does? What if he goes on your Instagram one of these days and digs too deep?” Brandon asks as I go into the kitchen and grab the pitcher of water from the fridge.
I don’t post Junior on social media because I want him to stay away from that place but my mom posts about him on her private Instagram. Hayden wouldn’t follow her because he was never close with my mom like I was with his parents.
“He won’t. I’m not worried, Brandon.”
Brandon gets off the couch and he walks towards me. “You need to stop being selfish for once and think about him. What if Junior wants to meet his dad someday? Are you going to refuse him?”
I glare at Brandon. “I thought you didn’t like Hayden so why are you trying to stick up for him?”
“Because if I had a son out there, I would do everything in my power to see him and make an effort to show him I want to be a part of his life. You don’t get to choose whether Hayden gets to see his son or not,” Brandon argues, getting frustrated because I’m not listening to him. Brandon has a point but I don’t want to face Hayden. Life is okay without him and without acknowledging him. I place the pitcher on the island counter. “Hayden loves you, too. He would want to be a part of your and Junior’s life. Yes, he’ll be mad if you never tell him but he will still be there.”
“How do you know? I was so destroyed that night Brandon, you have no clue,” I say as tears start to form in my eyes.
I already cried on the way home and Diego even asked me if I was okay.
“He took a mad punch to the face, simply because he saw you in the crowd. He was smiling the entire interview while you were talking to him. I would sometimes watch interviews of him and this is the first time I’ve ever seen him smile that wide on television. He’s never looked so happy in an interview.”
I shake my head and a tear finally falls from my eyes. “I can’t, Brandon. I can’t risk it.” Brandon sighs and he walks around the island. I feel him wrap his arms around me making me turn around and hug him back. I press my face into his chest and just cry. “I’m sorry. I’m scared and I just can’t go through that again,” I say, trying to calm down my breathing as I cry into his chest.
Seeing Hayden again, just changed everything for me. I feel like I’m back to where I started.