Chapter 20
Twenty
Jaclyn
Present
We walk outside the hotel doors and a beautiful red Ferrari Spider is parked right in the front.
A valet guy hands the keys to Hayden as he walks around to the passenger side of the car and opens the door.
What the hell?
I knew Hayden has always had a lot of money. I mean in college he did have a Porsche but that was mostly Carter’s doing, not Hayden.
I’m sure now with all of his success, Hayden has his own money to buy any kind of car he wants.
“This is yours?” I ask, walking closer to the car.
“Yea. I leave it here because I sometimes come out here for work so it’s just easier. Get in.”
When I sit down in the passenger seat, Hayden closes the door and comes around to the drivers side of the car and gets in.
The car roars to life, sounding absolutely beautiful.
He drives off as I admire the inside of the car. I’ve never been inside a Ferrari before so I’m a little starstruck. Ferraris are one of my favorite cars right behind BMW.
I don’t know what it is about BMWs but they have my heart.
“What do you do for work other than fighting?”
“It’s all mostly fighting. I just have to do other stuff that involves fighting which earns me a lot of money.”
“Is it like back in Arizona?” I ask, hesitantly.
Neither of us have spoken about Arizona, mostly because I don’t want to speak about Arizona. I just hope that what Hayden’s doing is smart and he isn’t being stupid and ruining his life by doing dirty fighting again.
Hayden slows down the car so that a mother and her child can cross the street. He takes the time to look at me, guilt appearing on his face.
“Not exactly,” Hayden mutters before laying on the gas.
What could he possibly be doing if he isn’t exactly doing what he did in Arizona?
For some reason I feel like what he is doing now other than professional fighting isn’t a good thing.
My phone buzzes, making me look down. I see a text from Brandon so I turn my body slightly away from Hayden so he doesn’t see the text. Hayden looks over at me and furrows his eyebrows. His hands on the wheel tighten but he doesn’t say anything.
Junior had a good day at school. He is currently coloring a page that his teacher gave him for homework.
Brandon then sends a picture where Junior is posing with the picture he colored.
I can’t help but smile down at the photo of him. I have always loved his smile. I can’t help but feel like everything is okay when he smiles.
It’s just so ironic how much he looks like Hayden. He is a mini version of Hayden and if anyone were to see Junior and Hayden side by side they would think so as well.
“Who’s that you’re texting? Boyfriend?” Hayden says, making me look up at him.
I turn off my phone and put it in my pocket. I’ll text Brandon later, I just can’t risk Hayden looking at the photo and seeing Junior.
I need to wait a little before I tell Hayden the truth.
I first need to figure out our shit and how this co-parenting would work before I tell him about Junior.
“No. It’s just my friend.”
“The smile on your face says otherwise.” Hayden mutters.
I roll my eyes and can’t help but smile at Hayden. I can’t believe he is jealous of his own son and doesn’t know it. “I’m not allowed to smile?”
“You’re only allowed to smile at my texts.”
“I don’t even have your number. Get over yourself, Hayden,” I chuckle.
Hayden’s hands clench around the wheel but he continues driving.
He eventually parks in the parking lot of a mall. Hayden quickly gets out and before I can open my own door, Hayden is already on it. I get out and he closes the door. Before I can walk away from him he grabs my wrist and pushes me against his car.
I try to ignore the fact that I can smell his cologne that makes me want to put my head in his neck and smell him forever.
“Your phone. Give it to me,” Hayden demands.
I raise an eyebrow at him and almost laugh.
He thinks he has the right to boss me around?
“Excuse me?”
“Your phone. Give me it.”
“Why?”
“You said that I don’t have your number, well give me your phone so we can fix that.”
I roll my eyes.
There is no way I’ll give him my phone. He could probably snoop and see pictures of Junior.
“Give me yours, I'll put mine.” Hayden takes out his phone and hands it to me. I type in my number and hand it back to him. “Let’s go, we don’t have all day.” I walk out from between Hayden and the car. Hayden follows me after locking his car. “What do we need to get for your mom?”
“Just some stuff for the beach and some melatonin pills for her since she has insomnia.”
“She has trouble sleeping?” I ask, feeling bad for Alex because I never knew that about her.
“Yea. It’s not bad or anything. She just can’t sleep unless she has melatonin. She would take the drugs her doctor prescribed but she doesn’t like the effect it has on her.”
I wish I could take melatonin instead of the drugs that Patience prescribed for me. I am almost running out and I just hope I have enough to last me this trip but since I’m taking one every single day, I’m not sure.
Hayden and I walk inside the convenience store and head to the medical section. “How’s your diabetes? I never asked.”
“It’s okay.” I lie.
I mean I’m doing better than I was before I had Junior. But it’s sometimes hard to manage it, especially if I’m having one of those days.
“Is it seriously okay or are you just trying to make sure I don’t worry?” Hayden asks, giving me a side eye probably knowing that I am lying.
“It’s better. Despite what you might think, I am doing a lot better than I was five years ago.”
“I believe you. I just can’t help but think something else is wrong or there’s something you’re hiding from me.”
This should be the time where I tell him, “Oh you have a four year old son, whose name is Hayden Junior Night and he looks exactly like you. I lied because I was protecting myself. I wish I could have told you sooner but you just reminded me of all the bad memories, so I had to hide from you to make sure I don’t have those memories again. Sorry.”
But in the middle of the day in a convenience store is not the time. Especially since he is getting married soon.
It’s just not the right time.
But will it ever be?
Instead, I don’t say anything to Hayden. I just walk past him and go to the vitamins. Hayden looks at all of the containers and grabs two that he thinks are the best.
Hayden pays for the melatonin and we leave the store. We walk around the mall, not really saying much to one another. Hayden would ask questions and I would answer but that’s it.
He asks about my career, me living in New York, how my mom and uncle are, etc.
I try not to ask him much because I don’t want to build that relationship we had. I don’t want to be interested in him. I want to forget about him and pretend that what we had doesn’t affect me everyday.
Hayden and I walk inside another store that has a beach vibe. They have bikinis on one side and then stuff for the pool and beach on the other. Hayden goes to where the sunscreen is and he grabs a couple of bottles of it. Probably for everyone to use since there are a lot of people that might need it. Hayden then walks towards where the clothes are.
Hayden looks at the bikini section and a smirk appears on his face. He looks down at me and says, “Wanna try some bikinis on for me?”
My face can’t help but turn red.
Memories of Hayden and I at Victoria Secret come to mind.
One time when we were in Utah visiting his family we went to the mall and Hayden took me to Victoria Secret because he wanted to buy me some stuff there. He ended up fingering me in one of the dressing rooms. After that he bought me all the lingerie I tried on and it came out to almost $700.
Hayden’s smirk widens as he sees my face turning even more red probably. My face feels so hot I think I might explode or something and then the butterflies in my stomach decide to make an appearance as well.
“No,” I say before walking away.
I need to get away from him. This flirting between us has to stop.
He is getting married!
I can't be doing this.
I feel horrible for letting Hayden kiss me already when he has a fiancé.
And the fact that I can’t stop these feelings from arising again makes me feel even more shitty.
Hayden and I don't talk when we pay for the stuff. We walk back to his car in peace and I help him put all of the stuff we bought in his trunk.
I shiver while putting the stuff away. I wish I brought a jacket instead of just wearing this dress.
Today I decided to wear a blue summer dress with small flowers on it with white tennis shoes. I felt cute today and my hair looks good so I wanted to dress nice for my first day out and about in Italy.
Hayden grabs his jacket from the trunk and he puts it around my shoulders. I turn my head to look at him and see him looking down at me with that same soft expression he’s been giving me lately.
I feel myself getting lost in his eyes constantly now. It’s impossible to just look away from him and forget the feelings I have for him.
I always knew that Junior’s eyes looked familiar and now I know why. His father has the same intense gaze as him but it’s completely different.
Junior looks up at me with adoration and love while his father looks down at me like he wants me for himself and never wants the world to look at me.
Hayden looks at me like every girl wishes to be looked at.
“Thank you,” I mutter and he just nods his head and closes the trunk.
Hayden opens the door for me and I get in. He gets in afterwards and starts the car.
“What's wrong?” Hayden asks as he drives off.
“Nothing,” I mutter and look out the window.
The car stops in the middle of the street and I feel Hayden’s hand grip my chin forcing me to look at him. “When I’m talking to you I want you to look at me. Understand?” I glare at him and take my face out of his hand. When I don’t answer him he grips the steering wheel. “Do you understand, Jaclyn?”
“Yea, whatever,” I say, rolling my eyes at him.
Hayden’s jaw clenches. “Why are you mad?”
“I’m not.”
“Really? I think you keep forgetting that I know you, even after five years. I know when you’re lying, when you’re low, when you’re sad, mad, tired, or when you need help with something. I even know when you’re about to fucking orgasm. I know it all, princess.”
My jaw drops and I look at him with wide eyes. “You can’t just say things like that, Hayden.”
Hayden rolls his eyes.
God we’re all just rolling our eyes a bunch today, aren’t we?
“Why not? It’s true.”
“Because you have a damn fiancé!” I argue.
“Will you stop assuming shit like that? You have no fucking clue.” Hayden chuckles lightly but he for sure doesn’t think I’m funny.
Hayden parks the car in front of the hotel after the rest of the drive being silent.
“I hate you so much,” I mutter, as I get out of the car and grab my bag.
“What’d you just say?” Hayden asks but I ignore him and close the door. I hear another door open and close making me assume that Hayden got out of the car. I feel his hand grip my wrist and turn me around to make me look at him. “Why? Why do you keep lying?” Hayden holds my face in his hand and his face is just a few inches away from mine. “Why do you keep telling me lies from these pretty little lips that were once mine?”
I look up at him and try not to cry because every time I try to hate him I always feel so frustrated because it’s hard to hate Hayden after everything.
Especially after the last thing he told me that night.
“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here. I’ll be waiting for you,” he mumbles before letting go of me and leaving without looking back.
“Because you were the one person who I truly felt loved by. I can’t help but feel horrible for missing these moments and wishing everything could go back to normal when we both know they can’t. And the fact that I have to be here and watch you get married hurts, Hayden. It hurts, right here,” I say, while pressing a finger to where my heart is. “I know I told you we needed to go our separate ways but I just wish it was easier to do that. I sometimes wish I didn’t meet you so that I didn’t have to know what love felt like.” Hayden’s face softens as he looks down with sympathy. “You are the one who truly cared enough to love me enough to go to the extreme for me and now I have to live with the fact that you are marrying someone else after you made love to me and cared for me the way no one else has.”
In reality I don’t hate him.
I can never hate Hayden. I just hate the fact that I ruined everything.
I walk away from Hayden and his hand disappears from my cheek.