Epilogue
Jaclyn
Five Years Later
Patience always told me that if I loved myself enough, I shouldn’t worry about how others saw me. All that mattered was how I felt in my own body and with the people around me.
Being with Hayden made me learn to love myself. Loving myself while being alone was hard because how could someone ever love me if I was always alone.
That’s what I explained to Patience and she understood why I needed Hayden. Why we both needed each other.
After I got pregnant with our second son, Easton, I developed the same evil voice in my head.
It’s a constant battle with myself but Hayden made things easier.
Every single night he would show me why he loved me and how he still loved me even when I didn’t look how I did before all the baby weight.
My biggest enemy is myself and I’ve known that for years, since my freshman year of high school. The only person who’s really able to quiet down the voice is myself but Hayden being around helps.
Easton and Junior always bringing me flowers with notes helps too but I know it’s because of their father.
Patience says it takes time. Being happy with yourself is one of the hardest things a person can do.
And I’m still learning.
“Mom!” Junior calls out to me, making me focus back on the boys. All three of them are on the sand, throwing a football to one another. But Junior takes a pause to run up to me. “I’m thirsty.”
I pass him a water and he takes huge gulps, to the point where the bottle is almost empty.
It’s my birthday today. Hayden and the boys woke me up this morning with breakfast in bed. They made crepes, eggs, and bacon. I taught Hayden how to make crepes a long time ago so he taught the boys this morning.
They turned out good and we all ate in bed before the boys started tackling each other.
Hayden takes them to training so that they can learn even though Junior is only ten and Easton is four, turning five soon.
We are going to Rowan’s house for dinner later to celebrate my birthday.
We live in Italy now. Lombardy to be specific.
Hayden and I had a long conversation about it because he said he wanted to be close to Killian instead of traveling back and forth so much since a lot of his work was in Italy.
I didn’t want to take the kids, especially Junior since Easton didn’t really go to school and was a baby, because then he would have to start fresh while also learning new things in a new country. It was a huge culture change and I thought it’d be scary for them.
But since we moved to Italy, things have been easier. Hayden is home more and we still visit the US whenever we have time. Hayden has fights out there still but he’s thinking of retiring and starting a clothing company called Night Apparel.
It’s something in the works.
But at least we get Hayden every night and we spend more time as a family.
The kids like the school and had an easy time adjusting to everything.
Hayden taught us Italian so that we’d understand things. It took me a good year to fully understand it since I had a little trouble with adjusting to a new language.
“Thanks, mom,” Junior says before giving me the water bottle and running back to Hayden and Easton.
Junior doesn’t have any resentment towards his father like I thought he would. He loves Hayden and being with him all the time. Hayden loves him just as much and hangs out with him a lot. They are both so alike while Easton is calm like me but looks like his father. Junior is just like Hayden, both in looks and personality.
They spend time together in the gym and Hayden shows Junior how to control his anger.
Easton is still young so he’s mainly calm for the most part.
For the past five years, things between Hayden and I have been good. Obviously there were ups and downs but that mostly had to do with me and my constant overthinking. Hayden was still there, even when I tried to push him away because I thought he didn’t love me.
Patience was there with me to help as well.
Whenever Hayden would see me deep in thought, he would distract me because that would be the only way to quiet down my mind.
He knows whenever I’m overthinking and helps me through it.
Like now, he turns his attention to me instead of the boys.
He immediately walks over while the boys keep playing. Hayden sits down behind me and pulls me closer to him.
His mouth is next to my head as he whispers, “You okay?” I nod my head and turn to look at him. “What are you thinking?”
“Just how far we’ve come,” I admit. “We’ve been through a lot.”
“And you’re still here as strong as ever,” Hayden whispers before kissing my neck softly. “What else?”
“I’m thinking about how lucky I am to be able to have you and the boys.”
And in the future, another addition to the family.
“You’ll always have us. No matter what,” Hayden says and he turns me around so that I’m facing him. “You never have to worry about me leaving, trust me.”
“I know,” I whisper before leaning in and kissing him gently. Hayden of course takes control and dominates the kiss. I close my eyes and breathe heavily into his mouth desperate for more but we’re on a beach with our kids. Plus I have news to tell him. “You won the bet by the way,” I mumble against his lips and Hayden freezes.
He pulls away and looks at me with an excited but also confused look on his face.
Hayden and I made a bet about a month or two ago. He said he wants more kids and I told him if he could get me pregnant while I’m on birth control, then it’d be a sign to have more. He told me he wants to keep trying until he has at least one girl because he wants to have a mini me running around for him to love.
And he won.
“You’re joking,” Hayden says, his smile widening. “You’re pregnant?”
I smile and nod my head. “I took a test last week and saw my doctor right away.”
Obviously me being pregnant always causes health issues upon health issues but it makes Hayden happy and seeing him happy makes me happy too.
With Junior, the pregnancy was difficult because that was my first one. Easton was a bit easier since I knew what to expect. This one for some reason makes me nervous but I don’t know why.
Easton came out completely healthy, thankfully. And Junior’s VSD is gone after all the medicine he was given.
I’m glad Junior doesn’t have to live with that anymore.
“I’ll be there every step of the way,” Hayden says before leaning in and kissing me. “I love you but God, I’m so happy you lost.” I laugh in the kiss and hold his jaw in my hand.
“I bet it will be a boy,” I say, teasing him because I know how badly he wants a girl.
“Watch it be a girl. Wanna make another bet?” Hayden asks, smiling into the kiss too.
I’m about to answer but then I hear one of the boys start to gag, probably Junior.
“Ew! Gross.”
Yup, sounds like Junior.
I remove my lips from Hayden and look at the boys walking up to us. “Boys, you’re going to have a little sister soon.”
“You don’t even know if it will be a girl,” I exclaim to Hayden, but he just smiles down at me.
“But I’ll be so goddamn lucky if I have one because then she’ll end up looking like you.”
The boys get excited about another addition to the family as Hayden and I stare at them with smiles on our faces.
My mind is quiet.
There are no voices to ruin the moment.
It’s times like this when I wish the world would stop.