Chapter 2
Two
Jaclyn
“You’re fucking crazy,” I say silently, making sure she doesn’t hear me.
Last time I called her crazy she put her hands on my neck and threatened to choke me until I said sorry. That day, things changed between us. She might not think so because she still acts the same but I see her differently.
I will never forget how she looked at me when she put her hands on my throat. She looked like she was a second away from killing me just because I called her crazy.
But when her ex-boyfriend called her names, all she did was cry.
I don’t understand how different she acted between me and him.
Her daughter and her ex-boyfriend.
Mateo did a handful on her and she still talks to him to this day to make sure he isn’t fucking up his life like my dad did. My mom feels like she’s indebted to him because he helped her out of depression when my grandma died.
I told her she needs to stay away from him because he is manipulative but she doesn’t get that.
She says I don’t know anything about love so I can’t give her that kind of advice.
It’s like she’s blinded by everything when he is around or the topic.
“You won’t be able to live on your own. You’re going to fail. You can’t even have a stable job. You refuse to work a 9 to 5 so you can, what? Become a writer. You’re foolish to think you will have a full time career. Those are dreams, Jaclyn. Those don’t happen for people like us, like you.”
A single tear falls from my eye and I wipe it before she sees and I close my eyes.
Don’t cry.
You can’t waste your tears at the beginning of the month. Those are meant for the end of the month so that everything washes away before the next one.
I lick my lips and open my eyes.
I zip up my duffle bag with all of my clothes. I already put most of my things in my car last night so I could leave as fast as possible today. I was planning to leave before she got home from work but that’s not the case.
“You don’t understand and you never will because you won’t have a career like mine.” I turn around and face her. She has that look in her eyes. The kind of look where you know she will start yelling and making you feel like shit. Best thing to do is not talk back or just say 'okay' with meaning. That’s what I’ve been doing since I was fifteen. As a nineteen year old, I’m just done. “I told you a few months ago I was leaving. We already had this argument. I’m not going to have it with you again. I’m not going to repeat myself.”
I put the strap of my duffle bag on my shoulder. “You won’t do anything. What will being a writer even accomplish for you when you can’t even keep a damn job?”
Her words break my heart and make me want to cry. She is the only person who manages to do it.
She is the only person who manages to hurt me without doing much.
She has this power over me that I can never control and I don’t know how to stop how I feel whenever she does this.
It hurts, and I know she loves me and cares for me but she has a hard-on for respect and being some sort of dominant over anything regarding me.
We fight a lot over who has control.
“I have so much potential but you don’t even see that. You never liked my writing because you never thought I was able to make something of it. I am an adult. I have been for more than a year and you still can’t let me go? You still can’t bear the thought of me leaving and you not being able to control every little thing I do. When will you understand that people grow the fuck up. People don’t revolve their lives around their mothers. I’ve done that for years and I’m done.”
“Calvin-”
“Calvin agrees with me. He knows I need to have a life of my own and to rip myself away from you. That’s exactly what I’m doing.”
I don’t wait to hear her reply or the criticism she gives me this time. I walk out the front door as she yells and calls me disrespectful.
Even when I get in the car and start the engine, I can’t help but look at the front door.
I wish I could see her wave goodbye with a smile on her face to show that she cares. Instead I just see the front door.
___
The drive to Arizona took less than six hours. I’m tired, hungry, and just want to forget all of the things in my car and go to sleep, even if it’s on the couch.
When I walk inside the house I hear the sink in the kitchen running as I turn the corner and see Calvin washing the dishes. I look at the stove and see that he made chicken parm, my favorite.
Usually he isn’t this nice but I made a deal with him saying that if he makes me chicken parm then I would buy him coffee tomorrow when I run errands. He loves his Mocha Frappe.
“I didn’t actually think you would make it.” I put my bags on the floor.
“Well I was promised coffee. I didn’t make you a plate because I’m nice.”
I smile and shake my head at him. “I don’t care. I’m hungry and tired.” I walk inside the kitchen and go to the chicken parm.
“I already set up a mattress for you in your room. You said your bed isn’t coming until Friday, right?”
“Yea. Tomorrow I’m going to an interview at this cafe and after that I am going to get some stuff for my room and unpack.”
“You need help getting your stuff from the car?”
“No. I’ll get it tomorrow morning. I just brought in stuff for my bathroom and then some of my clothes.” I grab a fork and start digging into the chicken parm.
The first taste makes me want to moan. His chicken parm always tastes the best.
“Okay, well I have work tomorrow. Sam will come over tomorrow to see if you need help with anything.”
Sam is my uncle's best friend. I don’t know how long they have been friends with one another but they are super close. Sam and my uncle have a business together. My uncle is a graphic designer. He creates book covers, movie posters, and a shit ton of graphics. Sam runs his website and sales. They also have a business where they sell hair jewelry which is cool.
Calvin starts walking up the stairs when I say, “Goodnight, Calvin.”
“Goodnight.”